


Backward Hauntings

by boneswrites



Series: Things You Said [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Angst, Confessions, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Jim's still fighting with his demons, M/M, Major Character Injury, Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-29 08:10:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 49,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7676797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneswrites/pseuds/boneswrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things you said too quietly: I was on Tarsus IV.</p><p>Just when Jim thinks he’s moved on, he finds his horrific past deceitfully weaving its way back into his life, turning it upside for him and for his best friend. Caught off-guard and provoked, he confides in the person he trusts the most: Leonard. A plan much bigger than both of them, a plan that could possibly destroy the entire planet, is unveiled while Jim tries to fight off his demons and protect the ones he loves. It all connects back to Jim's past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I originally planned this to be a one-shot but these plans don't usually stick with me, and it turned into a multi-chapter. I think this will end up being around five chapters, the second chapter is already written and the third one is in the works. I also finally watched Star Trek Beyond two days ago and I was blown away. Might end up writing something relating to that! Anywho, I hope you guys enjoy this, and feedback is always appreciated!

Jim trusts Leonard with his life. He suspects he began trusting the grumpy scruffed man from the moment he fell into the seat next to him on the shuttle in Riverside. Jim didn’t think twice before designating Leonard his personal physician. Leonard had huffed, but otherwise seemed to be content of Jim’s decision.

But there are some things Jim just can’t talk about. And never in a million years did he think it would dig a deep dark hole between him and the man he has fallen for.

It had started out as a normal day, well as normal as a day can start but Jim felt…different. Heavier, and he wanted to crawl under the covers and sleep for a few days. He couldn’t explain it, but his stomach had taken a trip to the circus and was doing all kinds of flippy floppy shit. Jim left the dorm before Leonard woke up.

_lenhmccoy@starfleet.edu_ _sent: You were gone when I got up, everything okay?_

Jim is halfway through his classes for the day when he receives Leonard’s message. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to ignore it, walking quickly through the hallway to reach his Warp Theory lecture.

_lenhmccoy@starfleet.edu_ _sent: Don’t ignore me, Jim._

Jim sighs. Damn old man with his telepathic connections. Ironic that Leonard didn’t believe in that crap. Jim can argue differently. Finding a seat, Jim switches on his PADD and types back a short reply.

_jamestkirk@starfleet.edu_ _sent: I’m fine, Bones. Just have a lot of shit to get done. Got up early, didn’t want to wake you._

Jim can almost hear Leonard’s huff as he reads his reply, and he can practically imagine the older man’s eyebrow traveling up his forehead with his next words.

_lenhmccoy@starfleet.edu_ _sent: What shit?_

_jamestkirk@starfleet.edu_ _sent: Class is starting. I’ll talk to you later._

Jim scrams to turn off his PADD and sighs, knowing Leonard is most likely not letting this go. He slouches in his seat and tries not to pay attention to the lecture he can probably give in his sleep. Didn’t they check his aptitude tests and general scores? Yet they still enrolled him in introduction and two hundred level classes. He needed to do something about that.

The uneasiness and heat in Jim’s gut didn’t relax as the day drags on. In fact, it got tighter and suffocating and just plain painful. He walks into the mess to grab something to eat, but decides against it as soon as the aroma of the food hits his nostrils. He feels sick to his stomach. He doesn’t hang around long enough to figure out if Leonard is around with M’Benga and Chapel.

Jim doesn’t hear or receive any more pushy yet concerned messages from Leonard for the rest of the day. He shrugs, thinking either Leonard is held up or he’s simply giving him the cold shoulder. Either way, Jim finds it very hard to care.

Instead, Jim finds himself in the back of the library, sitting on the floor, clutching his PADD so tightly his knuckles have gone white. He reads the same headline over and over again: _Tarsus IV Case to Be Reopened by High Command_.

He forces himself to take deep breaths so he doesn’t end up decorating the floor with the small contents of his stomach.

Only four people know he was on Tarsus IV, the Earth colony where Governor Kodos had decided to wipe out half the population to feed the other half; those people being Winona Kirk, Christopher Pike, Admiral Bennett and Doctor Philip Boyce.

Jim was barely a teenager when his mother left him on the colony for a few months, to turn himself into a man, she had told him. With his older brother, Sam, gone, there was no one to stand up for him. And he almost died because of it.

Even at such a young age, Jim had managed to lead a small group of eight kids to safety, keeping them away from the hands of the sadist called Kodos. They were the only ones who could identify him. The last of the kids—now grown men—Kevin Riley, had died a few months earlier in a freak shuttle accident. Leaving Jim the only person who can identify the governor and make him pay for his hideous crimes. Except he was dead. Or, that’s what everyone thought. Which is why Jim couldn’t quite wrap his head around the decision to reopen the case.

Still, knowing all that, the lump forming in Jim’s throat grew bigger and denser and he began gasping for air.

He manages to skim through the article for the millionth time, reading the words over and over again.

_New information. Starfleet officers involved. Investigation to begin. Witnesses—_

_Me_ , Jim thinks. _I’m the witness_.

He’s suddenly dizzy and doesn’t know how much time had passed. The sun had already set, which meant that Leonard would already be back at their dorms. _Friday night_ , Jim remembers. _Bones is probably getting ready to go out_. His stomach sinks, knowing how much effort he exerted to get Leonard to agree to a night out, and the joy he felt when Leonard agreed lingered in the back of his head.

Jim stands on shaky legs and somehow makes it to the room in one piece without collapsing. He definitely needs a drink, but he needs one alone. He hopes to god Leonard would understand.

Entering his code, Jim waits for the door to swish open and steps into the crowded, too-small-for-two-men room. He’s right, because Leonard’s books and PADD are piled on his desk, his cadet reds thrown over the back of desk chair. He holds his breath as Leonard emerges from the bathroom in his civvies, dark pants and a blue shirt. It brings out the hazel in the doctor’s eyes.

“There you are, I was about to comm you.” Leonard pushes past Jim and sits on the edge of his bed, pulling out his boots. “How was your day?”

“Fine.”

“Did you take care of all the stuff you had?”

“Yeah,” Jim says. He watches Leonard’s movements before speaking again. “Listen, Bones,” he stops, wincing at how uneven his voice sounds.

It’s clear Leonard heard it too, because he looks up from the group and frowns. “What’s up?”

“I…I know how much time I spent talking you into this but I think I need to be alone tonight.”

The scowl on Leonard’s face deepens and he gets to his feet. It’s never good when Jim wants to be out alone, because it means he wants to escape, and escaping means trouble, trouble means fights and fights never end well. The regenerator history can prove that.

“You can talk to me about whatever, you know that,” Leonard approaches Jim.

“I know,” Jim nods. “I just…need some time.”

“You were so excited when I agreed and you already planned what we’re going to do.”

Jim knew Leonard didn’t mean to guilt trip him, but he definitely felt guilty. If only he could tell Leonard the truth.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on?” Leonard asks calmly, his eyes soft, holding Jim’s blue ones.

“Nothing,” Jim shakes his head. “I need some air, that’s all,” he insists.

“You think that’s gonna work me on? I know you better than you think I do, kid.”

“Bones, let it go,” Jim sneers and moves towards the door.

“No.” Leonard quickly blocks Jim’s way with his broad body. “Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

“Get out of my way,” Jim barks.

“What are you going to do?” Leonard challenges.

“Jesus Christ, what do you want from me?” Jim yells with frustration.

“I’ve noticed the change, Jim, it’s been days and I thought I’d give you space and I thought you’d come to me with whatever it is that’s eating at you but that doesn’t seem to be working. The more time and space I give you, the quicker you hide in that dark shell of yours. And I’m tired of it. This is not the Jim I know.”

“Oh, this is about you now all of a sudden, is it? Sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“Don’t do that, Jim,” Leonard warns. “Don’t turn this around. Of course this is about you.”

“I don’t need you breathing down my neck, okay? I’m not some…child who needs constant looking after and pampering, Bones. And I certainly don’t need anyone sticking their noses where it doesn’t belong.”

“Don’t keep anything bottled up, would ya?”

“Fuck you,” Jim spits. “It’s my crap, I’m dealing with it.”

“Clearly,” Leonard sighs.

Jim’s eyes harden and he closes his hands into fits by his legs. “I’m going out.”

Leonard lets him pass and shakes his head, walking to his desk. He might as well get some work done.

*****

It’s been hours since Jim stormed out, his ears red and smoke puffing out of his head. Leonard contemplated checking on him, to make sure he’s actually alive but decided against it. If Jim were in real trouble, he’d reach out, no matter how they left things off. Leonard’s neck is stiff and his muscles ache, probably from being hunched over for god knows how long. He got through two readings for his Vulcan anatomy section and went over a couple patients’ charts from the hospital.

He looks up when he hears the familiar hiss of the dorm door.

Jim strides in, and he’s in the state Leonard imagined he’d be in. Blood, both dried and fresh, clinging to his face and neck, a cut sitting above his right eyebrow steady oozing red, and he could already see the bruises starting to imprint on Jim’s cheek and jaw. His eyes are alarmingly blue in contrast.

Without a word, Jim wobbles and drops on his bed and Leonard grabs his medical kit and kneels in front of him.

“I’m sorry,” Jim says.

“Just glad you aren’t lying in a cold ditch somewhere,” Leonard responds, running the tricorder over Jim’s face.

They sit in silence for a few moments, Jim gathering the courage to speak his mind. Leonard knows he’s drunk, but sober enough.

Jim swallows, flinching lightly when the alcohol dapped cotton runs over his eyebrow.

Leonard keeps his lips sealed.

“I was on Tarsus IV,” Jim finally whispers. “During the massacre.”

Leonard prays the breaking of his heart isn’t evident on his face.

Everyone knows about the Tarsus IV incident, and everyone knows about the monster Kodos. Leonard also knows about the group called the Tarsus IV Nine—the group of children that escaped Kodos’s grip and against all odds managed to survive. And now he knows that Jim, _his_ Jim, was among those nine. Another thing pops into Leonard’s mind, sending shivers down his spine: the eleven year old boy who saved the other eight kids, made sure they were fed and safe and was then captured by Kodos’s men but got away once again. The hero. The eleven-year-old kid. He isn’t the best at math but he knows Jim’s birth year by heart and…Jim is the eleven-year-old kid, he realizes. It hits him hard and his eyes well up with tears.

“You,” Leonard stops short, the emotion carried in his voice surprising him. He clears his throat before continuing. “You were the boy who saved all the other kids.”

Ever so slowly, Jim nods.

Leonard lets out a shuddering breath, letting his arms fall limply to his side.

Jim looks up, meeting Leonard’s eyes for the first time since his return and Leonard is taken aback. He sees such rawness and uncertainty pecked with haunted memories and scarred tissue and it makes his heart skip a beat. And suddenly, Jim is back to being that scared little boy, who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Just like that, the walls Jim has carefully built around him all these years crumble away, and Leonard can see into his soul.

Overwhelmed himself, Leonard merely pushes out a “come here” before protectively throwing his arms around Jim’s now shaking body and carefully pulls him into his chest.

Jim responds quickly, returning the embrace and clenching the fabric of Leonard’s shirt tightly in his fists. He buries his face in the warmth of Leonard’s neck and allows the doctor to hold him, protect him, fix him.

“You’re okay, Jim, everything’s okay. You’re safe here,” Leonard soothes.

Jim shakes his head, because no, everything is not okay, and he is not safe. Not anymore. Sooner or later, his name will get out. And it will be known to everyone that Jim Kirk is the last surviving member of the Tarsus IV Nine.

To Leonard, though, it’s more of a revelation than anything else. At least it explains the gap in Jim’s medical records.

Jim’s worn out by the time Leonard is done cleaning the wounds and patching them up. He is vaguely aware of Leonard pulling off his boots and stripping his jacket off. The last thing he feels is Leonard’s soft lips brushing over his forehead and then darkness.

*****

Leonard is there when Jim wakes up the next morning, his head buzzing from the hangover. His throat is scotching dry and his lips chapped and he blindly reaches for a bottle of water near his bed, probably put there by Leonard.

But Jim keeps his eyes shut, not quite ready to look at Leonard, as he is extremely aware of what he said last night. _Damn good job, Kirk_ , Jim thinks. _So much for keeping it to your goddamn self_. He isn’t ready to face the amount of questions Leonard has, the questions Jim can feel radiating off the doctor’s brain.

“Hey,” Jim says, breaking the silence after he started to itch.

“Hey,” Leonard replies, giving no indication that he noticed Jim waking up and pretending to still be asleep.

“You’re still here,” Jim mumbles, stirring towards Leonard and pops an eye open.

Leonard raises an eyebrow. “And where exactly should I be?”

Jim watches as Leonard takes a sip from the coffee mug. “I don’t know. Not…here, I guess.”

“I’m right here, Jim, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Leonard’s words help in slowing down Jim’s racing heart a notch. He moves to sit up, the movement making him groan and rub his forehead. “You, uh, you knew?”

Leonard shakes his head. “Not definite, no. I had my suspicions but that’s all. I did wonder about that gap in your medical history, though.”

“Right,” Jim pauses, unsure if he should continue. No reason to stop now. “Boyce locked that and not even the head of Starfleet can access it without a specific code.”

“He can do that?” Leonard’s eyes widen.

“Yeah, I mean, our names were supposed to stay anonymous. Our lives were in danger, they couldn’t risk such information getting out and possibly falling into the wrong hands.”

Leonard understands, he himself would do whatever it took to ensure his patients’ safety. “And your mom?”

“She knew Boyce, well she and my dad, and when everything happened…she trusted him. He’s a good man.”

Leonard agrees, Boyce is one of his teachers and he hopes to become half the doctor he is. What he doesn’t know is that he already is.

“I’m sure you have a million questions, and I wasn’t exactly in a chatty mood last night,” Jim begins.

“Listen,” Leonard interrupts. “You talk when you’re ready. I’m not going to push.”

“I’m scared to open that door but I’m also so tired of keeping it shut. I just…I never thought I’d have to open it again. It was bolted, almost forgotten and now…”

“What brought this on, though?” Leonard asks carefully.

Instead of answering, Jim reaches for his PADD and finds the page with the article. He hands it over to Leonard to read.

“That,” Leonard looks up, “they can do that?”

“Doesn’t matter if they can, they are doing it. I feel like everything is going to fall apart and everyone will know and I can’t handle it. I’m already screwed up enough.”

“No,” Leonard says sharply, leaving the PADD and moving to sit next to Jim. “You are not screwed up. You’ve been screwed over by life, sure, but you Jim Kirk, are the strongest person I know. And there’s nothing to be ashamed of if it gets out you’re the last of the Tarsus IV Nine. And that’s a big if. You saved those kids, Jim, _you_ did that. And you got out despite everything. And I’m going to protect you, I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.” Leonard lifts his hand to cup Jim’s cheek and feels him lean into the touch, the touch that he was deprived of for years.

Leonard knew that he wasn’t nearly close enough in breaking Jim’s hard shell. He would get glimpses of what lay beyond that tough exterior and he would see _Jim_ in those moments, but they never lasted. He didn’t know if it were only a matter of time before he was granted access or if that is something that will never happen. He saw many things in those rare stolen seconds; guilt, grief, sadness, determination, stubbornness, sometimes even joy and hope. But he also knows there was a dark pit inside Jim, one that he may not let anyone acknowledge, let alone allow in. Leonard prays to god it doesn’t eat Jim alive.

The week passes, relatively another normal week at the Academy. Jim decides to lay low, going from the dorm to classes then back to the dorm, not wanting to attract attention given the latest findings of the Federation. Leonard doesn’t object, and never leaves Jim alone. No one had approached him about the investigation and he was grateful for that. But he knows that won’t last.

He gets the message from Pike ten days after confiding in Leonard about Tarsus IV. They’re both in the dorm, around ten o’clock, Jim sprawled on his bed going through a reading for one of his classes and Leonard leaning back in his chair, legs propped up on the desk as he goes over patient charts on his PADD.

Leonard looks up when Jim’s PADD pings, switching off his and turning to Jim.

Raising an eyebrow in confusion, Jim abandons his reading and checks the message. “It’s from Pike,” he says before silently reading it.

“What does it say?” Leonard prompts when Jim visibly swallows, losing a little color from his face.

“He wants me to pass by his office tomorrow morning.”

“Okay,” Leonard nods, getting up to join Jim on the bed.

Jim makes room for Leonard to sit but deliberately doesn’t make eye contact.

“It’s going to be okay, Jim.”

“What…what if he wants to talk about it? About…”

“Then you’ll talk about it. You’re like Pike’s son, and he’s on your side. Whatever it is, you’ll figure it out.”

Jim nods, but Leonard’s words do nothing to stop the heavy thumping in his chest.

Jim gets to Pike’s office a little earlier than he sent in the message but Jim couldn’t sit around and wait. His nerves were chewing on his insides.

They sit in silence for a few moments.

“Is this about…the article?” Jim asks with a small voice.

“Yes,” Pike answers. “We need to talk about that.”

Jim fidgets with his hands sitting in his lap. “No one talked to me about it yet.”

“I know, I made sure to keep everyone away from you.”

Jim raises his eyebrows in surprise.

“I knew this would be hard on you, which is extremely understandable and even expected. You need time to wrap your head around it. But there are a few questions I need to ask you, for your own safety.”

“Why? Do you know something?” Panic began rising within Jim.

“Relax, James, you’re fine. It’s just a precaution.”

Still uncertain, Jim settles back in his seat. He trusts Pike.

“Have you told anyone about it?”

“Only Bones,” Jim admits. “I…I needed to tell someone, it was getting too much and this is Bones, I trust him with my life.” He wasn’t going to lie about telling Leonard because, if in fact, he was in danger, he had to make sure Pike knew that Leonard was in this now as well, so they can protect him if the need comes. Jim would never forgive himself if someone happens to Leonard on his own account.

“I get it, Jim, and I’m glad it was McCoy you told. He really cares about you.”

“He didn’t bolt when he found out so I guess he’s a keeper,” Jim mumbles.

“Have you noticed anyone giving you extra attention? Particularly someone who you didn’t notice before?” Pike presses on.

Jim thinks back for a few moments and shakes his head. “I wouldn’t know, I don’t think so. I’ve been keeping my head down, from class to the dorm. Me and Bones haven’t gone out in a week.”

“Would you pass it by McCoy? See if he’s noticed anyone?”

“Sure. And, uh, the article said that some Starfleet officers were involved in the…incident. Do you know who they are?”

“Not yet. We found evidence leading back to Starfleet but they covered their tracks well enough. That’s why I wanted to ask if anyone’s been too touchy with you. We’ll find them, though.”

“So, basically they know about me being on Tarsus, but we have no idea who they are,” Jim assembled.

“Take care, Jim. And try to act normal, and if you or Leonard notice anything or anyone out of the ordinary, let me know.”

*****

Opening up to Leonard hadn’t really tackled what Jim hoped it would. He was still terrified, except now he was terrified for himself and for his best friend. He would find himself pacing around the small dorm whenever Leonard wouldn’t answer his comm or if he’d be late after his classes. Tonight, however, was even worse because during lunchtime, Jim had noticed someone—an Admiral—paying very close attention to him and Leonard. He nudged Leonard’s elbow and led him outside, out of sight and claimed he needed fresh air. And now, three hours after Leonard’s last class was over, he was a no-show. Jim knew Leonard didn’t have a hospital shift.

He almost cries with relief, and actually feels his eyes tear up when he hears the door swoosh open and very worn out looking Leonard stepping in. Jim’s in front of him in two long strides, throwing his arms around the older man’s body and fiercely crashing into him.

The force knocks the air out of Leonard’s lungs, sending him stumbling a step backwards but he recovers quickly, returning the embrace with the same strength.

“Jim?” Leonard asks with uncertainty.

Jim squeezes his eyes, sending a stray tear down his cheek. “Oh my God.”

“Talk to me,” Leonard moves his hand to gently cup Jim’s neck.

“I thought…” Jim chokes. “You were late and I was worried.”

Leonard tightens his hold and feels Jim slightly shaking against him. “It’s okay, I’m fine. They called me into the hospital after my class. They needed more hands, there wasn’t time to tell you, I’m sorry.”

Jim pushes his face into Leonard’s warm neck and exhales slowly, hearing Leonard’s comforting words.

“Come on,” Leonard pulls back, untangling their bodies and leads them towards his bed.

Jim never lets go of his solid grip on Leonard’s hand, afraid he’d disappear if he pulls away.

Leonard kicks off his shoes and lies over the covers, guiding Jim down with him.

“There uh, there was an Admiral who seemed to be paying too much attention to us during lunch,” Jim speaks when he’s settled against Leonard’s side.

“That’s why we left.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you told Pike?”

Jim shakes his head. “I don’t know if there’s anything to tell him. I’ve never seen him before, maybe he was looking at everyone like that.”

“I still think he should tell Pike,” Leonard runs his hand up and down Jim’s back.

“That’s why I was worried about you.”

Leonard plants a kiss to Jim’s forehead and lets them linger over the hot skin. “We’re fine, Jim.”

“But for how long?”

*****

Racing across the huge campus, Jim has only one thought on his mind: _Bones, Bones, Bones, have to get to Bones_. He abandoned his Combat Training class and ran as fast as he could towards Medical. Jim had planned to tell Pike about the mystery man but got held up by his classes that he often skipped, and in this instant, he was cursing himself for not telling Pike about the intruder. And now he had tracked Jim down, and cornered him, asking all kinds of questions about his family and history. Jim managed to push past him and bolt.

 _I need to get to Bones_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Alrighty so I managed to land an internship writing for a magazine and I just finished my first week. This will slow down the writing process just a tiny bit but no worries! Writing for a magazine is a little different than writing fics but it's interesting and I'm exploring new areas. Chapter 2 has arrived and I hope you enjoy it! Feedback is always greatly appreciated!

Jim bursts into the ER, heaving and pale as a ghost, frantically looking around for Leonard. He spots him just as the doctor meets his gaze and watches a deep frown settle in his forehead.

“Ben, cover me for a few minutes, would you?” Leonard asks M’Benga next to him and walks over to Jim, not waiting for an answer. “Jim? What happened?”

“Bones,” Jim pushes out, trying to catch his breath.

“Come on,” Leonard ushers Jim to an empty exam room and helps him sit on the bed. He reaches for the oxygen mask but Jim quickly shoves his hand away. “ _Jim_ , it will help. You’re killing your lungs.”

Reluctantly, Jim takes the mask and covers his mouth with it.

“Deep breaths,” Leonard instructs, increasing the oxygen output level. He grabs the stool and wheels it in front of Jim, keeping a constant eye on him.

When Leonard feels like Jim had calmed down and can actually say two words, he accepts the mask back from the younger man. Still, the darkness and fear clouding Jim’s eyes never vanishes.

“Wanna tell me what happened?” Leonard asks carefully.

“That Admiral, the guy who was watching us, he…” Jim took a deep breath. “I bumped into him on my way to training and he wasn’t alone this time. He—I don’t know how he found me, must have gotten my schedule but he trapped me and kept asking questions about my family, my father and mother, my childhood, where I grew up…I don’t know if he knows about Tarsus or if he’s trying to find out…” Jim trails off.

Leonard’s worry turns into raging anger, curling his hands into fists and roughly clenching his teeth, straining his jaw.

“Let’s go,” Leonard decides.

“Where?”

“We need to tell Pike, right now.”

Leonard goes ahead of Jim, completely ignoring Pike’s secretary and barges into the office.

Pike looks up from his PADD, surprised at Leonard’s appearance. “McCoy, do we have an appointment I’m unaware of?”

“No, sir, but this can’t wait. With all due respect.”

Pike is about to speak but closes his mouth when Jim walks in, arms wrapped tightly around himself. “James,” he breathes. “What happened?”

Leonard gives him an encouraging nod.

They move to the sitting area in the corner of Pike’s office, Jim and Leonard next to each other on the couch and Pike on an armchair in front of them.

Slowly, Jim tells Pike what happened.

“Are you sure he was an Admiral?”

“Positive.”

“And the man who was with him?”

“I’m not sure about him, I didn’t get a good look. But I’m sure I’ve never seen that Admiral before, anywhere,” Jim confirms.

Pike nods. “A group of personnel was transferred from Headquarters to the Academy. He was probably one of them.”

“But the information about me is on lock, he can’t know for sure, right?”

“That’s true, but Jim, people talk. You can’t control that. It’s best you and Leonard take the necessary precautions.”

“I just…I don’t understand why now,” Jim huffs. “I’ve got nothing to do with the investigation.”

“You were on Tarsus Jim, you saw people, you’re the only one who can identify those people and that makes you both an asset and a target. With the reopening of the case, you’re a threat to them. They think they got away with it.”

“And now Bones is a target too because of me,” Jim bucks his head.

“Hey, no,” Leonard speaks up for the first time since they sat down. “Don’t say that, we’re in this together, this is too much for one person to carry alone.”

“Leonard’s right,” Pike agrees.

“I’m glad I know,” Leonard gives Jim a small smile.

Jim reaches for Leonard’s hand, giving it a small squeeze.

“I’m going to get the names and pictures of everyone who has been transferred to the Academy, would you be able to look through them and point him out?”

Jim nods.

*****

Leonard’s gone by six, a night shift he was assigned because Starfleet Medical was understaffed. He had finished classes at three and hung around the dorm with Jim. Leonard really hated leaving him, knowing how vulnerable Jim gets when he’s left alone. And he overthinks, all the time, which isn’t something good.

“You sure you’re going to be okay?” Leonard asks, hovering by the door.

“I’m sure, I’ll be here. I’ll keep my mind off it, if I need anything I’ll comm you,” Jim promises.

“Okay,” Leonard nods, but makes no move in leaving.

“Bones, go, they need you. Don’t make me kick your pretty behind out,” Jim chuckles.

Leonard is sucked into the action from the moment he steps into the ER, barely giving him time to change into his scrubs. An influx of casualties from a vehicle pile up, including the usual load of reckless cadets made it impossible for Leonard to take a breath and flex his back muscles.

Four hours into his crazy shift, he enters the lounge to grab a bottle of cold water and hears his communicator chirp.

“McCoy,” he answers before gulping down a big sip of water.

“Bones,” Jim’s voice echoes, so small and slow Leonard almost chokes on his drink.

“Jim? Jim, you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jim’s voice shakes.

“Jim,” Leonard presses.

“I just needed to hear your voice.”

Before Leonard could reply, a tap on the glass window grabs his attention. He lifts a finger, signaling he needs a minute.

“I’m right here, Jim,” Leonard assures. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t know…I just…everything was daunting on me. I was going a little crazy.”

“I wish I could be there, it’s a mess here,” Leonard sighs, weaving a hand through his thick hair.

“It’s okay, Bones, I’m okay now. You’re my anchor, I’ll be fine till your shift is over.”

“Okay, I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Jim is asleep when Leonard returns after the hectic shift. The lights are set to eighty percent and the younger man lay over his covers, clutching the pillow tightly with a scowl on his face. _Not have a pleasant sleep then_ , Leonard thinks with a sigh.

Leonard quickly shrugs out of his blood-coated scrubs, throwing them to the side to be dealt with in the morning. Not wanting to disturb Jim, he slowly and expertly tugs the covers from under his body and covers him, dropping a kiss to his bare shoulder. Leonard orders the lights down to five percent and gets into his own bed, the darkness taking him before his head hits the pillow.

Jim jerks awake some hours later, the room dark and he feels the panic rising in his veins. For a second, he thinks he’s inside a nightmare and quickly squirms to get the covers off his body. He sits up, scanning the room but seeing nothing.

“Lights: fifty percent,” Jim orders, his voice hoarse.

The room lights up.

Jim takes a deep breath and spots Leonard on his bed, still asleep. _So, not a dream_ …

Leonard stirs and squints against the sudden brightness. “Jim?”

“I…” Jim clears his throat. “I remember.”

“Remember what?” Leonard sits up.

“That…that second man, with the Admiral, he was…on Tarsus. I was back there, and I saw his face and he…” Jim stops abruptly, a visible shiver moving through his body. He bites down on his lower lip until he tastes crimson on his tongue.

Leonard waits patiently for Jim to continue.

“He was torturing the people, Bones,” Jim’s vision goes hazy with tears, the burn closing up his throat. “I don’t know his name, but it was definitely him.”

Leonard lifts his covers and Jim gets the message, hurriedly leaving his bed and wiggles next to him on the bed that was clearly not designed for two grown men. But they’ll manage.

Jim exhales, willing himself close to the safety of Leonard’s hold. “I’m scared.”

“It’s okay, Jim, it’s all gonna be all right.”

“And to think I’ve already had trust issues, what the hell am I supposed to do now?”

“Stick to the people you know, the ones you’re sure of.”

“Which is basically only you.”

Leonard sighs.

“You’re all I need, anyway.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Jim. I don’t scare easy.”

Jim doesn’t dream of Tarsus that night.

*****

“That’s him, he’s the one who asked all the questions,” Jim points to a picture in a row of photos Pike had spread out on his desk.

“Admiral Elliott,” Pike lifts the headshot. “And you’re sure this one was the one on Tarsus?” He picks up another headshot.

“Positive,” Jim nods.

“Captain Williams. It seems like he worked, or still works, under Elliott.”

Jim sneaks a quick look to his side, to Leonard.

“I’ll look into them and their background.”

“What about us?” Leonard asks.

“I’m afraid my hands are tied. They haven’t been violent against either of you, we can’t assign a protective detail for you,” Pike sighs.

“Seriously?” Leonard raises an eyebrow. “Isn’t it clear enough they’re a threat to Jim?”

“I mean, with everything that we know, and with the new investigation…” Jim shrugs.

“You have to remember, Jim, no one knows you were on Tarsus. If I were to do something about these two, that will get out. Or we don’t say anything. Whatever you want, I’ll do it,” Pike says.

Jim bites down on the inside of his cheek. So, either everyone knows he was on Tarsus and whatever small degree of anonymity he still has vanishes and he gets some protection or they stay silent and pray to god those two officers stay away.

“You can’t possibly ask him to pick between those two options, sir,” Leonard protests.

“It’s not easy, McCoy, but those are the only options we have.”

“I’m fine for now, sir,” Jim decides.

“ _Jim_ —”

“It’s okay, Bones.”

“Very well,” Pike nods. “Let me know if you change your mind.”

Jim turns and walks towards the door, Pike and Leonard sharing a silent look. Pike silently says, _stay with him_. Leonard nods.

“Why?” Leonard asks Jim as they step into their dorm.

They had been silent on the way back from Pike’s officer and Leonard has been itching to know the reason behind his decision.

“Hmm?”

“Why did you turn down Pike’s offer?”

“I didn’t turn down anything. He said he’d do whatever I chose,” Jim corrects.

“Why didn’t you take the protection?” Leonard presses.

“It’s fine, Bones, it’s not like they’re sitting in front of our dorms with phasers.”

“They might as well be!” Leonard says with frustration.

“It’s not a big deal,” Jim tries to shrug it off.

Leonard blocks Jim’s path. “It is a big deal, Jim. They could be anywhere, planning god knows what.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I never said you couldn’t,” Bones defends. “Jim, it’s just a matter of time before it’s known you were on Tarsus.”

“And I’m going to do everything I can to make sure they don’t know for as long as possible,” Jim clenches his jaw. “What do you want, Bones?”

“Why are you so damn ashamed that you were on that planet? I’ll support you, whatever you decide, always…I just wish you had made the right decision.”

Jim’s eyes harden at that. “I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to you,” he says bitterly.

“Jim, I didn’t—”

“I need some air,” Jim pushes towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Leonard asks anxiously.

“Out.”

“Maybe I’ll—”

“ _No_.” With that, Jim is out of sight.

Jim’s gone for hours. He doesn’t comm and he isn’t brought into the ER either. Leonard keeps checking as every hour ticks by. He paces around the small dorm until he’s had enough, he throws on a leather jacket, puts his shoes on and marches out the door, heading towards the one place he knows for fact Jim would be: the nearest bar. Unfortunately, ‘nearest bar’ doesn’t mean the closest one to campus distance wise, it’s more of a which-bartender-hasn’t-Jim-pissed-off-and-told-not-to-return qualification. It’s going to be just a little bit annoying to track him down. But Leonard takes a little comfort in knowing Jim hasn’t landed in some fight…yet. He has to find him before that happens.

Four stops and three angry bartenders later, Leonard spots the familiar short blond hair and strong shoulders hunched over the bar. The tightness in his stomach begins to fade.

“Didn’t need to venture that deep in, kid,” Leonard slips into the stool next to Jim’s.

Jim huffs. “If I wanted you here, I would have called you.”

“Sometimes a person doesn’t know when they need something…or someone until they have them,” Leonard simply replies. “I’m sorry, about what I said. You know that’s not what I think of you.”

Jim steals a quick look at Leonard’s face and sees concern, honesty and a hint of nervousness in his hazel rounds. He signals to the bartender. “A glass of your finest bourbon, please.”

Leonard nods when the drink lands in front of him and takes a sip.

“I know that, I’m sorry I overreacted. Just…with everything that’s going on, I’m a bit on edge. I know you want to help, but I never thought this would actually happen. I don’t know how to act.”

“That’s understandable, Jim. There’s no manual on his to deal with this, there isn’t come checklist to follow. One day at a time, that’s how it is. And don’t be scared to reach out,” Leonard nudges Jim’s shoulder playfully with his.

Jim cracks a small smile and Leonard feels accomplished.

*****

“Kirk,” Jim answers his comm.

“Hey Jim, listen we just got slammed, they need me to stay a few hours over shift,” Leonard’s voice comes on.

“Oh,” Jim tries to hide the disappointment that rushes over him. “It’s fine, Bones, I get it.”

“I know how much you wanted to get dinner together, but soon okay? I promise.”

“Absolutely.”

“Okay, I gotta go. Eat all your dinner, I’ll know if you didn’t,” Leonard warns.

Jim chuckles. “Of course you will. I’ll drop by for a few flight sims until you get back. Call me what you’re done.”

“I will, take care Jim.”

Leonard couldn’t swallow past the worry stacking up in his throat. He’d never left Jim alone to walk around campus after those two stalkers showed their faces. He reminds himself that Jim isn’t a little boy and he can take care of himself, but that does nothing in easing the hot knot in his stomach.

“Len, there you are,” M’Benga approaches, snapping Leonard out his haze.

“What’s up?”

“Got a patient for you,” M’Benga nudges his head.

“I already have two to see, Ben.”

“This one requested you by name. I’ll cover those for you.” M’Benga points to an exam room and walks away.

Leonard sighs, grabs a pair of rubber gloves on his way and pushes the door open.

His heart drops into his knees and his veins well up with anger and he feels his fits involuntarily curling into tight fists.

Captain Williams.

 _How dare he show his face here? And request_ me _‘by name’?_

“I’m Doctor McCoy but I’m sure you already know that,” Leonard introduces himself, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. It doesn’t work. “What seems to be the problem?”

The man doesn’t answer with his name. _No wonder_. “I can’t get any solid sleep at night.”

Leonard is grateful for the long-sleeved scrubs he was wearing, hiding the pattern of goosebumps rushing over his skin. He can imagine that voice, back on Tarsus, speaking to Jim or of him and Leonard wishes he could refuse treatment of a patient.

He settles for a simple nod, closing in on the broad man and could make out the color of his eyes. Blue, almost the same as Jim’s. But darker, because the darkness runs deep within this man. Leonard could almost see a challenge in those rounds.

Leonard raises his hands and pushes his fingers along both sides of Williams’s neck, pressing and feeling, up under his jaw and down, almost to the collarbones.

“Any chronic pain? Trouble breathing?”

Williams shakes his head.

“Deep breath,” Leonard orders, pushing to hear his lungs. “Any recent change in your lifestyle? Stress levels?”

“I was recently transferred from HQ. Been up there for years, but I’m on campus now.”

“Did you ask for that transfer?” Leonard couldn’t control the edge to his tone.

“That’s classified information.”

“Yeah I bet,” Leonard huffs under his breath.

“I don’t take your meaning,” Williams raises an eyebrow.

 _Oh, you’re going to play stupid now_. “What I mean to say is maybe you thought making a move, such a change and leaping ahead to this…new position was a good idea. But maybe it’s proving to be too much to handle. It gets pretty chaotic.”

“You would know.” William studies Leonard for a few moments, the deep frown embedded into his forehead. “Tell me, have you gone through sleepless nights? Twisting and turning? Know anyone who has? Maybe overthinking is a component here.”

Leonard tenses. “Everyone goes through that at one point or another. Maybe you should stop thinking all together,” he throws back.

“We wouldn’t want it to get worse.”

“Is that a threat?” Leonard stiffens his jaw, his teeth aching slightly.

“Just want to get passed it, doctor.”

Leonard rolls his eyes and scribbles something onto the chart, knowing it will be automatically sent to Williams’s personal PADD. “Take that, twice a day before meals. It should help. If it doesn’t, you can visit the out-patient clinic, no reason to come back to the ER.”

Leonard watches with a wide eye as Williams slips on his shoes and walks out the door. His breathing gets tighter and his hands go sweaty. He walks into the ER main lobby and mumbles something about ‘needing five’ to Ben and hurries into the lounge. He snaps his comm open and gets Jim’s frequency, bringing it up to his lips.

“Come on, Jim, answer, come on…”

Jim doesn’t pick up.

“Damn it!” Leonard snatches his jacket and jogs through the ER, quickly telling Chapel he has to leave for an emergency and doesn’t wait for a reply.

His heart gallops in his chest, holding his comm so tightly his knuckles go white. He runs to the flight simulators.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard freaks out. He and Pike figure out what's happening. And Jim is in for one terrible surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I apologize for the long delay but the words weren't really coming together. Kind of a writer's block for this story. Took me a bit to switch gears but I pulled through! This chapter has a lot of information and things will start to make sense. I hope you enjoy and feedback is appreciated!

There’s only one flight sim running this time of day and Leonard barges in, the green light indicating it is not currently in use. He finds Captain Andrews on duty, sitting on a large leather chair and eyes focused on his PADD. He looks up when he feels Leonard’s presence.

“McCoy,” Andrews nods. “What can I do for you?”

“Sir,” Leonard bows his head. “Have you seen Cadet Kirk?”

Andrews shakes his head. “Kirk has the sim for two hours, and his session has already started but he hasn’t shown up.”

The color drains for Leonard’s face and his heart drops into his stomach, the hot pit getting wider and hotter.

Andrews notices the change and switches off his PADD, giving Leonard his full attention. “Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know,” Leonard says tightly. “I—I have to go find him.”

“What can I do?”

“Nothing, sir. I can’t—I got this. Thank you, sir.”

Leonard racks his mind, trying to think like Jim, trying to find out which route he’d take to the flight sims from the dorms. He ends up walking along all possible ways and doesn’t so much as catch a glimpse of Jim. He calls Jim’s comm a dozen times and he’s always met with the same silence from the other end.

He ends up at their dorm, maybe Jim decided to stay in. _But he wasn’t answering his damn comm._ He’s calling out Jim’s name before the door slides open.

“Jim!”

Leonard steps into the dark room, his worry somehow increasing and his head pulsing hard. He swallows down, dropping on the edge of his unmade messy bed and tries to recollect his breathing and figure out what the fuck to do next. Out of options, he flips his comm open and calls the one person he can.

“Pike here.”

“I can’t find him,” Leonard says immediately.

“What do you mean you can’t find him?” Pike’s voice tenses up.

“They needed me to stay an extra few hours after shift at the hospital so I told Jim and he said he’ll get some flight sims done while I work, and then that bastard Williams shows up in the ER and _requests_ me and goes on about anxiety and not making it worse and he clearly knows me and Jim know each other and he wasn’t hiding the fact that he’s after him…the moment he’s gone I comm Jim but he doesn’t answer so I head to the flight sims and Captain Andrews says Jim never showed up. I’m in our dorm right now, there’s no sign of him,” Leonard explains breathlessly.

Leonard hears shuffling in the background on Pike’s end. “Headquarters will draw too much attention, meet me at the south end and make sure you aren’t followed.”

Leonard spots Pike standing in the shadows, the walk over making him dizzy and disoriented.

“He’s still not answering his comm,” Leonard pants.

“Is there anywhere else you can think of where he’d go?”

“Nowhere, and he wouldn’t leave his comm anywhere. He’s been calling me more than I’ve been calling him lately. He wouldn’t risk not being able to reach me,” Leonard runs a hand through his hair. “They’ve got him…”

“Don’t go there, not until we know for sure. This is Jim, he can be unpredictable sometimes,” Pike reminds him.

“Not lately. He’s been keeping his head down, not drawing attention to himself, rarely even leaving the dorm. We’d have lunch in there sometimes. He wouldn’t just…take off like that, definitely not right now.”

“Okay, we’re going to need more people on this. First, we need to know where the two men are and try to track down their latest activity. Jim was at the dorm when you called him, right? So we start there and track his movements, see if we can find out what happened exactly,” Pike plans.

They head to Admiral Raner’s office, the Chief of Security.

“Are you sure she isn’t compromised, sir?” Leonard asks as he walks next to Pike.

“I’m sure, she was in my class and she’s a close friend. I trust her with my life.”

_Well, if he trusts her…_

The trip is quick and quiet, Pike simply knocking on the office door and walks in. She looks surprised to see him.

“Chris,” Raner gets up, walking around her desk. She gives him a quick hug, which he returns and pulls back. “It’s been a while.”

“It sure has,” Pike agrees. “This is Cadet McCoy, also sometimes referred to as Doctor McCoy,” he introduces.

“Ma’am,” Leonard shakes her hand.

“What can I do for you gentlemen?”

“We should probably sit down for this,” Pike points to the sitting area almost identical to the one in his office.

She nods and they all settle in their seats, Leonard keeping his lips sealed and decides to speak when he’s addressed or when he has something to add.

The next few minutes are spent bringing Raner up to speed, quickly telling her Jim’s history and the events that have unfolded of late.

“A protective detail was essential here, Pike,” Raner says.

“I know, but it was Jim’s decision to pass on that.”

“And why’s that?” Raner raises an eyebrow.

“If I may,” Leonard speaks up, looking at Pike. He continues when Pike gives him a small nod. “Ma’am, I’ve known Jim since we started here, in fact, we met on the recruitment shuttle. One thing I noticed almost immediately is control is a big thing for him. He has to feel in control and if the slightest thing is out of his control, it messes with his head. I imagine this whole new investigation and Tarsus being brought up again…it threw him off balance and some of the control was slipping away from him. He only told me about Tarsus when the investigation began and we’re best friends, he was trying to forget about it. If he had taken the detail, he would have seen it as putting his own life in the hands of other people, which means he no longer has control. It’s not necessarily true but that’s how he would have seen it.”

“It looks like you know Jim pretty well, McCoy,” Raner sounds impressed.

“We understand each other.”

“Tell me, is there any place, any place at all, where he would go to? Take refuge? Somewhere he can stay out of sight?”

“If you had asked me this question a month ago, I would have given you a dozen places, but as of this moment, no, there isn’t. Our dorm is where he would always be.”

“Looks like we have some digging to do,” Raner gets up and walks back to her office, bringing up camera footage from all around campus. “What time did you comm Jim to tell him you were staying late?”

“A little after nine,” Leonard recalls. He glances at the clock, quarter past eleven. He gulps against his aching throat and whips out his comm, trying Jim again. He shakes his head when he notices both admirals looking at him.

*****

The first thing Jim registers is the darkness that lies ahead, around him. And then he’s painfully aware of the coldness under him. His arms twisted behind his back in an inhumane way and he starts to feel the straining of his muscles as he tries to tug them free. He hisses, _won’t be doing that_ again, he thinks. Jim narrows his eyes, trying to figure out where he is and racks his brain, putting pieces together. Last thing he remembers was walking out of the dorms, zipping up his jacket because of the cold breeze and something knocks him out, hitting his head right above his temple.

He’s immediately aware of the bump and the sticky blood oozing down his face. They took him.

Jim tries to swallow past the bile rising in his throat, willing himself to concentrate enough to think of a way out. There’s always a way out. His thoughts are interrupted when a heavy metal door is pushed open, and Elliott walks in. Jim’s blood runs cold and his gaze hardens, not flinching when the man kneels in front of him close, almost too close. Jim holds his breath.

“Glad you could finally join us, thought you’d miss the party.”

Jim wants to do about a hundred things, but contains himself, knowing they would only make his situation worse. He is the one tied up after all.

A snarly smile spreads on Elliott’s face. “He’ll be glad you’re awake.”

 _He? Who?_ “You’re not going to get away with this,” Jim sneers.

“Get away with what? There isn’t anything to get away with. Oh no, let me correct there, there _won’t_ be anything to get away with.”

Before he has the chance to ask _what the hell do you mean_ , Jim sees the black bag coming down on his head a second too late. He feels like he’s being suffocated.

They untie his arms and drag him out of the room, two broad men carrying most of his weight. Jim can see the brightness in the room they enter through the tiny holes in the deathbag he decides to call it. Jim gets shoved roughly down to his knees, knowing they will bruise and the bag is yanked off his head. It takes him a few moments to get accustomed to the light. He hears him before he sees him. A familiar voice, a voice that all but stops Jim’s heart. He doesn’t dare to look up but does anyway, and his stomach flips, his face drops and his world darken. The flame that is everything good and hopefully and positive in his life gets blown out.

“Oh, how you’ve grown, Jimmy.”

 _Kodos_.

*****

“There!” Leonard points to the screen showing Jim leaving the dorms and then the screen goes blank. “What the hell…” his eyes widen when the picture comes back twenty seconds later with no Jim in sight.

“Get us the adjacent angles,” Pike says.

“Already ahead of you,” Raner touches the screen, bringing up all cameras around the dorms but there was no movement.

“They hacked the system?” Leonard asks, already knowing the answer.

“All they needed was twenty seconds,” Pike sighs heavily.

“They have him…they have Jim. How could it happen that fast?” Leonard chokes, his breathing catching in his throat. Feeling his knees go weak and afraid he’d tumble to the ground, Leonard quickly falls back into the seat he jumped out of when he spotted Jim on the screen. He drops his face into his shaking palms and tries to breath regularly. He can hear Pike and Raner speaking above him but their voices are muffled, tangled together and the doctor finds himself trying to stop a panic attack from rising.

He had only one attack throughout his entire life and it was also, ironically, over Jim. He heard two shuttles have crashed and Leonard couldn’t get a hold of Jim for hours and even as a doctor, they wouldn’t release the names of the causalities to him. Turns out, Jim was in his flight simulation during the crash. He will be the death of Leonard, and they all know it.

“They probably already took him off campus,” Raner’s voice begins to filter through.

“Admiral,” Leonard’s voice is shaky and foreign even to his own ears. “I…this is Jim we’re talking about, I have to get him back.”

“ _We_ have to get him back,” Pike corrects. “And we will.”

Leonard nods.

“Go back to your dorm, McCoy. I’ll keep you posted.”

Leonard tenses. “With all due respect, sir, I can’t do that. I can’t sit around and do nothing while Jim is God knows where.”

“If there’s anything you can do, I’ll let you know,” Pike doesn’t argue.

Leonard leaves, the walk back to the dorms is one big haze. Cadets pass him, some laughing, others sipping beers as they chat the night away and Leonard wonders if he’ll ever be able to do those things again. Because he does those thing with Jim, and Jim isn’t here anymore and—Leonard stops in front of the dorm room and freezes in his place. He builds up just enough courage to tap his code and steps inside when the door slides open. And he’s suddenly hit with everything that is _Jim_.

The air smells like Jim, the soft welcoming aroma of his peach shower gel with hints of his aftershave.

Jim’s clothes are scattered around the room, on his messy bed and the floor and even one of his shirts ended up on Leonard’s chair.

He closes his eyes, imagining Jim lying on his bed, head dangling off the edge with his PADD hanging over his face, supported by his hands. Leonard smiles, believing the trick for a second. And then he opens his eyes and the room is the darkest it has ever been. He doesn’t bother stopping the tears from rolling down his cheeks.

Leonard sleeps clutching onto Jim’s pillow.

*****

He isn’t sure how to go on with his life. He doesn’t know how to be normal and walk around campus without Jim. So, Leonard decides to be unlike himself and skip all his classes for the day. Deep down, he knows he’ll never be the same without Jim anyway.

Of course, his absence doesn’t go unnoticed and he hears the computer informing him that Christine Chapel is by the door. He huffs and wrecks his brain for an explanation. Sick? She’d never believe that. Not feeling himself? Since when does he ever feel like himself. Need space from people? Since when doesn’t he need space from people. He sighs, telling the computer to let her in and decides to figure it out as he went.

“There you are, we were getting worried ab—” Chapel stops a few feet into the room, taking in the mess and Leonard’s current condition. “What’s wrong?” Just like Leonard, Christine’s radar for trouble was through the roof.

Leonard winces.

Noticing the very clear absence of another man, she asks another question. “Where’s Jim?”

A lifeless chuckle leaves Leonard’s lips and it catches Chapel off-guard. “I don’t know, Chris.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” She approaches carefully.

Leonard sighs, rubbing his tired bloodshot eyes. To hell with it. “I mean that no one knows where he is.”

“He ran away?”

Leonard shakes his head. “He was taken.”

“Taken?” Christine gasps. “Taken by who?”

“Last night, we think an Admiral and Captain took him.”

“Who’s ‘we’?”

“Me and Pike.”

“Why would they take Jim?”

“I can’t…I’ve already said too much. It’s…not my place. It’s Jim’s thing, and I can’t take that away from him,” Leonard closes his eyes.

“You can tell me anything, Len, you know that,” Chapel says.

“I do, believe me, I know. But this is much bigger than you and me, I just can’t answer that. Not now, at least. I’ve already failed one person, I can’t fail another,” Leonard drops his head.

“What do you mean?”

“Jim,” Leonard doesn’t care to cover up the break in his voice. “I promised Jim I would protect him and he trusted me and…I couldn’t.”

“Leonard, whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault. And something tells me you couldn’t have stopped it from happening, either,” Christine says with a steady tone.

“That’s crap, it doesn’t matter, I never should have left him alone.”

Christine sighs. “How are things between you two?”

Leonard raises an eyebrow.

“How you feel about Jim,” she clarifies.

“Things are fine, I mean, there’s something but…don’t quite know what it is. And I’m scared I’ll never get to know.”

“You’ll know, Len, you’ll know,” Christine wraps her arm around Leonard’s shoulder and he lets her.

He breaks away when his comm pings. “It’s Pike, he wants to see me.”

She nods, getting to her feet.

“Chris? Thanks.”

“Anything for a friend,” she smiles and lets herself out.

Leonard spends a few minutes making himself presentable and hurries over to Pike’s office. His secretary gives him a small nod as he pushes through the door.

“No class?” Pike looks up from his desk.

“Don’t know how to do that, sir.”

“Come with me then,” Pike stands, walking around his desk and towards the door.

Leonard is on his heels. “Where are we going, sir?”

“To see Admiral Bennett, we have to tell him what happened. I was waiting until we got more information.”

“Admiral Bennett knows Jim was on Tarsus, will it get out?”

Pike sighs, staying silent.

They reach Admiral Bennett’s office and they walk in.

“Pike, there you are, I was just going to call you,” Bennett speaks from his desk. “Doctor McCoy.”

“Sir,” Leonard nods.

“Can either of you tell me where I can find Jim Kirk?” He intertwines his hands on top of his desk. “There’s something I need to discuss with him.”

Pike and Leonard exchange a quick glance. “That’s why we’re here,” Pike answers. “Jim’s been taken.”

“Taken?” Bennett echoes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Pike places his PADD in front of Bennett, watching as the Admiral watched the footage.

“It appears the dorm security officers were knocked out before Jim was taken, and it’s a clear path to the gate from there,” Pike says.

“Damn, they really wanted Jim,” Leonard sighs.

“There’s more, sir, the full background check on both Admiral Elliott and Captain Williams came through this morning and at first glance, nothing seems out of the ordinary but when I dug deep, I found something that connects Jim, Elliott and Williams, Governor Kodos.”

Leonard’s heart skips a beat at the name and his blood runs cold.

“Kodos? How?” Bennett’s eyes go wide.

“Apparently, Elliott was working for Kodos, using Starfleet resources to fuel his…cause, unknown to the Federation. Williams worked under Elliott, carrying out his orders and demands. Williams was supposed to kill Jim when they captured him.”

“But Jim got away,” Leonard gulps. “And that’s why they want him…because he can identify them. They realized that Starfleet made the connection and they panicked.”

“Yes, and who knows what else or who else Jim saw there.”

“You mean more Starfleet officers can be involved?” Leonard’s eyes go wide.

“It’s a possibility. But Leonard, we don’t have any proof that they were the ones who took Jim. It makes sense, but that’s because we three know Jim’s history, to someone outside the loop…”

“It wouldn’t make any sense,” Leonard offers.

“I think I know why they took him,” Bennett curses.

“Sir?”

“It’s why I was looking for him, with all this…Tarsus talk and the investigation, High Command thought it was the best idea to have Jim…testify, saying everything he knows. That probably got out and landed in their laps,” Bennett sighs. “We can’t stay silent any longer about this, it has to come out.”

“But Jim doesn’t want it to get out, sir,” Leonard hesitates.

“Leonard, they will kill him. They’ll probably try to get information out of him and once he’s…done the job they think is his, they won’t bat an eye. Better it coming out than saying hidden and losing him,” Pike adds.

“If there’s any hope of us finding Jim and bringing him back, it’s going to take more than just the three of us.”

Leonard swallows. _Forgive me, Jim_. “Yes, sir.”

*****

Jim is disoriented when he comes to. He doesn’t know how much time has passed and it takes him a few moments to fully recall where he is. Kodos. He’s sits up quickly, the movement making his head collide with the hard wall behind him but he barely feels the pain over the pounding of the heart in his chest. But how…Kodos is dead. They told him he was dead. Told him that he was safe. Told him that it was over. But it doesn’t feel very over to him. He feels like he’s right back in the middle of a burning city, the smoke and ashes so heavy it stains his skin black and threatens to suffocate him. Suddenly, he’s an eleven-year-old boy again.

He doesn’t have much time to think about anything else as the door is swung open and two broad men grab his arms, lifting him to his feet and pushing him out the door. Another special meeting with Kodos, he suspects. The room they lead him to is empty and Jim is momentarily confused, turning around to ask a question that doesn’t get passed his mouth. Instead, he stumbles backwards when a fist collides with his cheek and he tastes copper on his lips.

“Charming,” Jim mumbles.

That earns him a kick to the gut, sending him crashing to the dirty floor.

After the men seemed to be content with the damage they did to Jim’s body, panting, they half-drag him to a bigger room where he can see Kodos sitting on a throne through the blur.

“Why’d the party end so quickly?” Jim spits a mouthful of blood next to him. “Hell of a reunion.”

“That was just the pre-party, Jimmy boy, hope you’ll be around to enjoy when the real party begins,” a sinful smile spreads across Kodos’s face.

“Aren’t you supposed to be dead?”

“Sorry to disappoint, I know how much you want that to be true. But…here I am.”

“You faked your own death. Why?”

“I see you’re as smart as you ever were, even a kid I was impressed by you.” Kodos steps down, kneeling in front of Jim and tracing the tip of his finger over the bruise already forming on his cheek.

Jim flinches away, heat radiating from his eyes and glares. “You’re a savage and you’re gonna pay for what you’ve done. All of it and that’s a promise.”

“Now now, Jim, how will I do that when you’re here with me?” Kodos challenges.

Jim smirks, cocking his head to the side. “You won’t get away with this.”

“Ah,” Kodos blows out. “I see, I see. That doctor friend of yours…he’s in on it now, isn’t he?” He narrows his eyes at Jim.

Jim stays very still, trying not to react to the Kodos’s words. He knows if he elicits any kind of response, Kodos will know he’s right. He prays he isn’t breathing as fast as he think he is.

Kodos straights his body, turning to one of the men. “The doctor, get me the doctor.”

Jim wants to scream, to beg he’d leave Leonard alone, that Leonard doesn’t know anything. He’s got him, there is no need to bring Leonard. _Oh God, he’s going to hurt Bones. Bones, Bones, no, no. Not Bones! Please!_

But Jim doesn’t utter a single word. He just lets the men drag him back to this holding cell and leave him in the cold room. Jim has never despised himself more than he does in this moment. He lets himself cry until he tires himself out and drifts to sleep.

His last thought is praying that Leonard is okay. That they don’t get their filthy hands on him. That he lives long enough to see his best friend again.

He doubts that last one.

And then darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Pike have a moment. Leonard uncovers some new information that could possibly help them find Jim. And Jim is finally told his purpose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, this chapter is longer than I intended but the story is finally moving! It took me a while to figure out which direction I wanted to go in and make some things a little more clear planning wise but I'm happy to say it's all adding up and coming together now. I hope you guys enjoy and feedback is always so appreciated!

Jim is alone when he wakes up, a tray with a cup filled with water and a piece of bread just inches away from his body. He second-guesses the bread, thinking if maybe it’s poisoned. He huffs at himself, if they wanted to kill him they would just let him starve. Or, you know, beat him to death. He could still feel the forceful kicks he had received, making his body ach and scream at him whenever he would decide to move. It almost felt like he’s being torn apart inside, almost a hundred percent sure so many things are wrong but he’s got nothing to fix them. If only Leonard were with him. But he quickly shakes that thought away, thanking whichever God was listening for the fact Leonard very much not with him. A certain doctor, however, would argue otherwise.

The burn crawling underneath his skin brings him back, and he’s slightly grateful for both the distraction and the sensation. Sadistic, other people might say, being glad you’re in pain. But in Jim’s case, he was glad because pain meant he was still alive. And being alive meant there’s a possibility, no matter how little, of him getting out of this. And that meant hope. So, yeah, maybe Jim had appreciated that burn.

He yanks the tray towards him and settles back, leaning against the hard wall behind him. He slowly nibbles on the piece of bread, taking his time with the chewing and swallowing. He didn’t know how long until he’d be given food and water again so he had to preserve it. But that’s not new to Jim. The mere thought of Tarsus almost brings up what little content sat in his stomach.

His appetite suddenly gone, he pushes the food away and takes a small sip, moisturizing his very dry throat. He closes his eyes and thinks about Leonard, not what he might be going through or what he’d be doing, no that would just bring tears to Jim’s eyes. Instead, he thinks back to their happy times together, their inside jokes, and their trips out in the city that didn’t end up with a fight and bloody knuckles. But those memories still brought tears to Jim’s eyes. He could almost sense Leonard, around him, inside him, always with him. It’s like their souls are connected. And in more ways than one, they are.

Leonard startles awake, his face wet, tainted with tears he doesn’t remember crying. All he could see for a second were Jim’s blue eyes. And for a moment or two, it felt peaceful. He sits up quickly, scanning the messy dorm and hoping beyond hope, only to have that crash against his heavy chest. No sign of Jim. But Leonard could have sworn to feel him around.

Defeated, he grabs his PADD and switches it on. The big headline title stares him dead in the face, and his empty stomach drops into his knees. Oh boy is Jim going to be pissed. And he’ll get to witness that. Because they will bring him back.

_Cadet Kirk Missing, Connected to New Tarsus IV Investigation…_

Leonard didn’t bother reading any more than that. He knows what it will probably say. Give the identities of Elliott and Williams. Give a brief account of how Jim is related to this whole mess. Which will unveil the biggest secret he has ever kept. He doesn’t know how many details they put in there nor does he want to know. But Leonard is absolutely sure he will be getting a lot of looks and whispers around him as he moves through campus. He might even get some questions asked to his face, as well. He’s already beginning to dread the day to come.

He thinks about a place where he can take refuge and nods. Pike’s office.

Leonard spends the next few minutes making himself look representable, aside from the bags under his eyes and the dead look in them. The campus ground is fairly quiet when he leaves the dorm building, spotting a handful of people as he makes the quick trip to Pike’s office. If they had seen the headline, they didn’t bother Leonard about it. And he really didn’t want to punch anyone today.

Pike was already in his office, just as the doctor had assumed. He walks past his secretary, who doesn’t stop him from entering. Just nods with a morning greeting. He returns it and disappears beyond the door.

“Jesus McCoy, you look like crap,” Pike speaks when he looks up at Leonard.

“Don’t feel much better, sir,” Leonard admits, dropping in one of the chairs in front of the large desk.

“Did you sleep at all?”

“Dozed off,” Leonard nods. “Don’t know for how long.”

Pike sighs. Not only is he worried out of his mind about Jim, but he’s also concerned about Leonard, and he’s right in front of him. These two boys will be the end of him. “You didn’t have breakfast.”

“Couldn’t risk being seen in the mess,” Leonard says.

“The headline,” Pike catches on.

“I imagine Jim won’t be too happy about that when he finds out,” Leonard scoffs.

“We didn’t have a choice, Leonard.”

“I know, I know, it’s just…Jim trusted me with this and…he actually trusted me with a lot of things,” Leonard trails off. “I just can’t help but feel like I let him down.”

“Bullshit. You saved him. He survived all this time because of you.”

Leonard raises an eyebrow.

“When I first recruited him, I thought he’d either be kicked out or dead by now. But when I saw you two get off that shuttle together, I thought maybe that wouldn’t be the case. And I was right. You don’t know, but you’ve kept him in line because of how he feels about you. For the first time in his entire life I suspect, Jim finally understands what it means to belong to someone. And he knows that he belongs to you. The same way you belong to him,” Pike expresses.

The smallest of blushes paints Leonard’s cheek. If he weren’t so tired and pale, no one would have noticed it.

“Don’t think I don’t know how you feel about him, son. Sure, he’s your best friend but there’s something more. Admit it or deny it, I know it’s there,” Pike shrugs.

“And that’s why we have to bring him back,” Leonard’s eyes soften. “Do you know about his childhood?” He asks carefully.

“I was assigned the Kelvin incident for my Dissertation, so I know all about what happened to George. As for Jim’s childhood, I don’t know any details just the major headlines. Mother wasn’t around, abusive stepfather, never shown how unique and incredible he is, never properly loved. And somehow, he survived. More downs than ups his entire life, but he still smiles and he means it.”

“He’s the strongest person I know,” Leonard nods. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. I would have—”

“Drank yourself into an early grave, I know,” Pike fills in. “The money was out on you for a while, until again, I saw your connection with Jim.”

“It’s only been the occasional drink whenever we went out, or when we stay in and open a bottle. It was never to run away like before. Since the divorce, that took something away from me, I lost a part of myself and I thought I’d never get it back. But when I met Jim, all that changed. I can’t lose him, if I do…I’m going to lose myself once and for all.”

“You two were broken the day I met you both and the men I see now are completely different. You were always strong but you know it now, you know the strength within yourselves and the strength you have together, too.”

“But sir, with all this…just how much of Jim will remain?” Leonard asks, dreading the answer.

“I don’t know,” Pike answers truthfully. “But what I do know is that Jim is one a hell of a fighter. This is not going to break him. It might mend him, bruise him up a little, but it’s not going to snap him. I know that because I know he has you, and he’s thinking about you and he wants to get back to you. No doubt it’s going to be hard when he comes back, but you two will figure it out,” he smiles at Leonard.

“But sir, wasn’t there a less…noisy way to go about the investigation? Like maybe an internal one that looks into Jim’s connection rather than connecting the big, loud, shiny one to him?”

“You’re a protective one, aren’t you McCoy?” Pike raises an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean to overstep my limits, I—” Leonard staggers.

“Don’t worry about it, I like that you’re protective, especially of Jim. And I wondered the same. But the truth is, internal investigations are slow and time is of critical essence for us to find Jim. If he were here, then I would have put all my weight behind keeping it quiet and on a need-to-know basis. But we need resources and internal investigations sometimes fail because of the lack of those. And we can’t have this fail. We need everything we can get.”

“What exactly is the High Command trying to achieve by making the connection to Jim public?”

“Well, for one it will scare anyone who is remotely related to Tarsus who is still in the shadows. They’ll know we’re on to them and that we know what they’re doing and they’ll make a mistake, and we’ll be right there to catch them when they do.”

“I didn’t read what it said so I have no idea what’s written in it,” Leonard says.

“I made sure they didn’t give anything more than the bare minimum. It actually just really comes down to a warning, if anyone sees anything or anyone suspicious. If anyone can remember any incident with Jim that happened that could be related,” Pike explains. “I know you’re worried about Jim’s reaction to all of this, but I’m sure he’s going to grateful when we find him.”

“I’m sure he will be, too, sir,” Leonard agrees.

“So you planning on hiding out here for the day?”

“If it’s not a problem…”

“Of course it isn’t, McCoy. I wouldn’t dare leave you to the mob outside, they just talk and gossip and that won’t help Jim in any way. Campus should start filling up in a bit so do me a favor and don’t disappear on me, all right? I’ll make sure anything you could possibly need will be at your disposal, and I’ll get some breakfast up here for you.”

“What about you, sir?”

“Unfortunately, Jim’s case isn’t the only thing High Command is shoving down my neck, and since there isn’t any new information and things are still being processed, I have other matters to attend to,” Pike sighs, getting to his feet. “Make yourself comfortable and if anyone drops by, tell them you just saw me and I’ll be right back.”

Leonard chuckles and watches Pike leave the office. His stomach rumbles, and he’s grateful for the breakfast Pike will order.

Breakfast is brought in and Leonard munches at it heartlessly. He suspected it tasted good—it looked good, Admirals and their influence—he would have actually enjoyed the meal if he could find it in him to care. At this point he’s only eating so he doesn’t collapse. He grabs his PADD and goes through some patient charts he needed to finalize, signing off on orders and making sure the hospital isn’t in complete chaos.

Time rolls by. The sun is now high in the sky and Leonard doesn’t doubt the atmosphere is sticky with humidity and heat. He could hear the chatter from beyond the windows and below, and he wonders how many people have read the article. How many people are now aware of who Jim Kirk really is. He wonders how many mouths will utter the name Jim Kirk today.

Hating the idea of just sitting around and doing nothing, Leonard gets up from his seat and steps around the desk, getting into Pike’s very comfortable chair. He logs in and brings up the footage of the night Jim went missing and starts going forward frame by frame. He doesn’t spot anything out of the ordinary the first few times but going back and forth and back and forth, his eyes catch a moving figure in the top left corner of the screen. If anyone weren’t looking at that particular spot, they would have lost it. As they did. Leonard narrows his eyes, noticing the figure is in one frame, one frame before the camera cuts and Jim is gone. Which means that whoever is in this frame, could have possibly seen who exactly took Jim and give them information the feed couldn’t.

Leonard zooms in and enhances the image, trying to figure out who it is. They don’t show their face so facial recognition is not an option. But Leonard knows that jacket. Precisely, he knows only one person who wears that jacket. Unlucky for him, Jacobs is not Leonard McCoy’s number one fan. In fact, he promised to punch him the next time he saw the doctor. It’s a risk Leonard is willing to take.

Just as Leonard is closing the screen, his comm comes to life in his pocket. He quickly reaches for it and flips it open.

“McCoy.”

“Len, there you are!” Christine’s voice echoes off the device. “Where are you? Been looking all over for you.”

“Pike’s office, been here for a few hours,” he answers.

“Pike’s office? You in trouble or something?”

“On the contrary, he’s helping me…say away from prying eyes,” Leonard says.

“I read the article,” Christine sighs. “Hell of a thing.”

“Yeah, you and the entire damn student body,” Leonard closes his eyes, leaning back in the chair. “Listen, Pike said I shouldn’t leave the office but I found something and I don’t wanna call him back if it isn’t worth it.”

“Say no more, Len, I’m on my way,” with that, Christine cuts off their call and heads towards the administration building.

Pike’s secretary opens the door and lets her in when she arrives, carrying two plastic boxes.

“Lunch,” she says when she notices Leonard eyeing the items in her hand.

He nods and rolls over one of the chairs up next to him so they both have access to the large screen.

“So, what did you find?”

“Look closely there,” Leonard points to the screen and lets the feed play.

“Wait, was that—was that a person?” Christine’s eyes go wide.

“Yeah,” Leonard nods, playing it frame by frame. “We didn’t catch it before, but it’s Jacobs.”

“Uh oh,” Christine raises her eyebrows.

“I know but we gotta talk to him. If he wants to punch me in the face then so be it, as long as he tells us what he saw that night. It could bring us closer to knowing what happened to Jim.”

“Yeah,” Christine agrees. “But how exactly are you going to talk to him if you’re on office arrest that isn’t really office arrest?”

“M’Benga?” Leonard suggests. “We can ask him to look for Jacobs and bring him here.”

“You think Pike will be okay with that?”

“I don’t want to disturb his day unless I know for sure we have something.”

“All right then, I’ll get Ben on it,” Christine nods, grabbing her comm and ringing M’Benga. She quickly tells him what they need and promises to explain everything when he arrives with Jacobs. “So…”

“So?”

“How long have you known…about Jim and Tarsus.”

“Not long enough,” Leonard sighs. “He only told me when the investigation started. I mean, I had my suspicions before but I never knew for sure. And when he did tell me, everything made sense, even if it’s sucky sense.”

“And your promise? To protect him?”

“Made when he told me,” Leonard swallows. “And here I am,” a bitter chuckle leaves his lips.

“You’re doing everything you can to bring him back, Len.”

“Yeah, I just can’t help but wonder. If I had been with him, or…”

“You both could have been taken, or you could have been knocked out and Jim gets taken…there’s no way of knowing what could have happened. There’s no point in dwelling on the past, the most important thing is you’re here and what’s being done to bring Jim home.”

“You going all shrink on me, Chapel?” Leonard’s lips tug up into a small smile.

“You’re the shrink in this relationship, McCoy,” Christine playfully hits Leonard’s arm with her elbow.

“Thanks, Chris.”

“Anytime. Now eat your food before it gets cold.”

“Yes, _mom_ ,” Leonard teases but continues his meal. He’s thankful for the warm food settling in his stomach, at least he doesn’t feel like his body is eating itself anymore, no matter how still tasteless the food is against his taste buds.

*****

Just as Leonard and Christine have suspected, it wasn’t that hard to find Jacobs on campus. M’Benga had commed them back when he found him and told them they’re on their way. They hear a soft knock on the door and both cadets walk in, Jacobs not wearing his trademark jacket.

It takes him a second to scan the room and once his eyes settle on Leonard, he’s charging towards the doctor.

Christine began to step in front of Leonard in hopes of stopping the coming catastrophe, but Leonard quickly sticks his arm out to keep her standing beside him. The next thing he’s aware of is the force landed on his cheek and the river of blood rushing down his nose.

“Glad we got that out of the way,” Leonard says, wiping some of the crimson on his sleeve.

“I warned you,” Jacobs snarled.

“Yeah, yeah,” Leonard waves him off and bends over the desk, picking up his PADD.

“What is this? Team Super Doctors?” Jacobs snorts.

“Look, I don’t want to be talking to you as much as you don’t want to be talking to me, but we need your help,” Leonard says with a serious tone.

“And why would I help you?” Jacobs arches an eyebrow.

“Because this is about Kirk. I know you can’t stand me, but you at least respect him.” Leonard plays the footage and pauses it on the frame with Jacobs and turns it towards him. “That’s you.”

“Are you kidding me? You care barely make out anything from this, it can be anyone.”

Leonard rolls his eyes, pointing to the jacket on the screen. “But only one person has this jacket and I’m talking to him right now. Listen man, I don’t know how to feed your ego to get you to speak and I can really care less about this appearance you keep but I’m not playing here.”

“Are you saying I had something to do with Kirk’s…thing?”

“No, but I’m guessing you’ve read the headline.”

“Who hasn’t? And I might be a little cold but I’m not heartless,” Jacobs shrugs.

Leonard squeezes his eyes shut and draws in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. If only Jim knew he was actually talking to Jacobs and asking him for help. “You’re in the last frame before the feed goes dark and we see crap of what happened to Jim. What we’re hoping is you saw something or someone that got deleted with the feed.”

“He was just standing outside the dorms,” Jacobs remembers. “There wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but there was this guy, standing just by the building—heavy built, dark skin I think, he was wearing a security uniform so I didn’t think much of it. But he was eyeing Kirk in a…weird way, like the vibe was just…weird. There was a car outside the gate, but other than that, nothing really. I just kept going, I mean, Kirk can protect himself.”

“Can you tell us anything about the car? Color, model, plate number?” Leonard pushes his PADD towards Jacobs.

He takes a few moments and then jots down a few things. “The plate isn’t complete but I’m positive of the color and model. That should help narrow it down at least.”

“Thanks, this is really helpful,” Leonard nods, running his eyes over the new information.

“Any way I can help, and I really hope Kirk is all right and will be back soon.”

A few minutes after Jacobs leaves, Pike makes his return to his office to find the three medical folks scattered around the office with empty boxes that once held food.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on? No one said anything about a slumber party,” Pike speaks, grabbing all their attentions.

They quickly scramble to get to their feet and stand straight. Leonard’s the first to speak.

“Admiral, I was about to comm you. We found something in the feed that we missed before, it literally takes one frame and isn’t even in the center.”

“Jesus Christ, McCoy, what the hell happened to your face? You’ve been in here all day…you have, haven’t you?”

“Yes sir, we’ll explain everything.”

“And you two?” Pike turns to Christine and M’Benga.

“Well sir, when we couldn’t find Leonard, I commed him and he needed a new set of eyes so I offered mine. And Ben delivered a cadet…based on what we found, sir,” Christine explains.

“What did you find?”

Leonard hands him the PADD, frozen on the frame with Jacobs. “It’s right before it blacks out.”

Pike nods. “And who is this?”

“Cadet Jacobs. He, uh, well we have some history and he swore to punch me the first he’d see me again so then, well, this,” Leonard points to his bruised face.

“He got you good.”

“Nothing I haven’t gotten before, sir. No long lasting damage. But I’m willing to live with it for the sake of Jim.”

“At least tell me the shiner wasn’t for nothing,” Pike sighs.

Leonard would smile, except it hurts too much. He settles for a nod instead, bringing up the information Jacobs gave them. “It isn’t much, but…”

“This could actually help us know where they went after they left campus,” Pike nods, transferring the information to his personal PADD. “I’ll take it from here. Good job, McCoy. If I didn’t know any better, I would say you’d be a good detective,” he pats Leonard’s shoulder and disappears out of the office.

“Must be nice knowing Admiral Pike likes you,” M’Benga teases.

“He recruited me, what’d you expect?” Leonard shoots back.

*****

Jim winces as his battered body hits the hard ground under Kodos’s feet. He takes a few moments to regain his breath and waits for the surge of pain to pass. Once satisfied he could sit up without toppling over, he slowly moves, resting his weight on his knees and looks up.

Kodos is wearing an ugly smirk, one that makes Jim shudder but tries to hide it. There’s something swimming in his edged eyes, something Jim can’t really put his finger on.

“I still don’t understand what you want from me,” Jim shrugs, feeling a wet string of blood oozing down the side of his mouth. He wipes it away with the back of his hand.

“I’m giving you a chance here, Jimmy. I don’t want to see you waste away again, I think I finally understand how special you really are.”

“What a change of heart,” Jim says with sarcasm.

“You have skills that can be deemed useful, Jim. There’s a lot more to you than what you know.”

“And how exactly would my _skills_ to be used?”

“I think it’s time to expose the Federation for the frauds they truly are. Someone has to uncover their dirty doings and villainous plans and agendas. All these planets that are so called under the Federation’s protection are blind to the truth, the truth that I had seen for a long time. Their resources will be used up, sucked right from underneath their hands and when they finally realize the truth…it will be too late. Join me, Jim, we can do great things together.”

Jim scoffs, shaking his head. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t have the first clue in what the Federation really is. You’re delusional and insane, the Federation is about peace and unity, something you broke a long time ago and will be paying for it.”

“Oh, and what? You know all about the Federation? Did you forget that you joined Starfleet on a _dare_? You joined just to feed your ago and to keep up this…image of yourself and try to convince everyone that you aren’t a shadow, that you aren’t weak. I can help you there, help you prove that you’re way more than what people assume and what people see. I can make you your own person. You’re a storm Jim, help me unleash you. Don’t be like your father,” Kodos challenges.

Jim’s stare hardens at the mention of George, his jaw clenched tightly his teeth start to ache. “Don’t you dare speak of him. He was a great man, you’re never going to be half the man he was.”

“Oh and you will?” Kodos raises an eyebrow. He gets out of his grand throne, kneeing in front of Jim. “I’m giving you a purpose here, Jim. I’m making your life be worth something, there’s a reason you survived.”

“You’re right, I may never be the man my father was but I came to terms with that, and there is a reason I survived. And that reason is to make you pay for what you’ve done.”

“This is a one-time offer, kid.” _Don’t call me kid_.

“Keep your damn offer, I don’t want it,” Jim spits.

“Very well,” Kodos rises. He turns to a man on his right and speaks. “Looks like Jimmy here needs some more convincing. Drop off the box and get me the doctor.”

*****

It’s late when Leonard returns to the dorm. The sun has settled a few hours earlier and campus was clear for the most part. Students were either out drinking, getting laid, studying…and Leonard was as alone as he ever was. He wraps his jacket tightly around him when a cold breeze hustles by, making him shiver. He walks through the deserted hallway and spots the box sitting in front of the door before he reaches it.

He bends down and lifts the lid, immediately noticing Jim’s uniform along with a holovid device. His eyebrows knit together but he doesn’t have enough time to touch any of the contents as he feels a large shadow casting over him. He looks up just in time to see a large man standing above and Leonard doesn’t notice the fist flying towards his face until it’s too late. It takes him a second to notice the man is wearing a security uniform.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some answers are revealed, Leonard take a decision for Jim's sake that will come back to haunt him, Pike stands up for Jim, and things get more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They say it gets really dark before the light filters through. Okay, I don't know if they actually say that but that's basically what's happening here. Eventful day for the guys. I wanted to get this chapter out as soon as I could because uni resumes tomorrow and that will unfortunately slow down the writing process just a bit. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and feedback always makes my day!

Leonard was grateful for the self-defense classes Jim insisted he’d take.

Caught off guard, the large man’s heavy blow sends the doctor tumbling backwards, his head slamming against the dorm door behind him. In the couple of seconds the intruder takes to reposition himself for another attack, Leonard is already on his feet and his fit is flying towards the other man’s strongly defined jaw. He clearly didn’t see it coming and stumbles backwards, Leonard taking the advantage and advancing, cornering the man and landing himself a couple more bunches and knee kicks to the abdomen.

He’s overpowered and receives his own gut-wrenching hits and painful slams against his chest, and Leonard could already feel the blood running down his face and temple, only to mingle and settle in his dark hair. He’s panting heavily by the time they’re both tired, the assailant not have guessed in a million years that the doctor would hold up his own and actually fight. God bless Jim Kirk.

Putting all of his remaining energy into his closed fist, Leonard knocks out the man cold, hearing the heavy body thud to the ground. He doesn’t move and Leonard allows himself a moment to recollect his stance and breathing. He quickly scans the hallway, finding it just as deserted as it was when he first walked through and turns to enter his code, waiting for the door to slide open. He then drags the body into the room and grabs some cuffs Jim has lying around. Don’t ask why Jim has cuffs, he just does. Leonard makes a mental note to ask him about that when he sees the kid.

With trembling arms, Leonard lifts the body into his desk chair and grabs his arms backwards, linking them together tightly. He steps outside for a moment to grab the unharmed box and places it carefully on Jim’s desk.

Making sure the man is still out, Leonard flips his comm open and gets to Pike’s frequency. He picks up almost immediately.

“Pike here.”

“Sir,” Leonard heaves, his voice strained and dry.

“McCoy? Jesus, why do you sound like that?”

“Bit of a long story, sir. You might want to drop by our dorm,” Leonard says.

“What happened?”

“It would be easier explained if you see it yourself,” Leonard insists.

“I’m on my way.”

As soon as Pike ends their connection, Leonard comms M’Benga.

Pike and Ben arrive at the same time.

“Sir,” M’Benga nods.

“Geoffrey. Did McCoy call you as well?”

“Yes sir,” M’Benga says, pressing the small button on the door.

It takes Leonard about ten seconds to get to the door, getting it open and faces both men.

M’Benga gasps at Leonard’s current state. “Jesus Christ, Len, what the hell happened?”

Leonard waits a few more seconds before he moves to the side, revealing the still unconscious man bound to the chair.

Both men wear confused looks but quickly step into the dorm, the door closing behind them.

“Who the hell is this?” Ben asks, stepping closer to the man.

“I don’t know,” Leonard shrugs and winces, his muscles already sore. “I was walking up when I noticed this box,” he turns to point at it, “sitting outside the door so I lean down to open it and then suddenly he’s standing over me and I don’t see the coming punch until it’s too late.”

“You did a number on him, McCoy,” Pike observes.

“He returned it,” Leonard replies bitterly, his entire face aching. “The box has Jim’s uniform and a holovid.”

Pike moves to open the box and scans its contents. There isn’t a single doubt the uniform belongs to Jim. He also notices a note stuck to one of the sides. He pulls it would and reads it outloud.

“He’ll outrun his purpose sooner or later.”

Both doctors turn to look at Pike. Leonard’s eyebrows crease together.

“A note that was in he box,” Pike explains.

Leonard’s heart drops into his knees. “What the hell does that mean?”

“I don’t know but maybe we can ask him,” Ben points to the man who begins to squirm and fidget.

They step aside, letting Pike lead whatever this is.

Ben runs his eyes over Leonard’s body, noticing the now dried blood sticking his hair together. “Your head is bleeding.”

“And?”

“And you can have a minor concussion from all the blows you took,” Ben says.

“I’m fine, Geoff.”

“Let me be the judge of that.”

“He’s waking up, I can’t leave now,” Leonard shakes his head, momentarily seeing black edges.

“Bathroom isn’t that far away, you’ll still hear everything.”

“Go,” Pike nods.

Leonard sighs, letting M’Benga lead him into the bathroom. They hear the man groan.

“Glad you could finally join us. What should we call you?” Pike asks.

No response.

“Who are you working for?” Pike asks instead.

“That doesn’t matter,” the man snarls.

“You assaulted Starfleet personnel,” Pike reminds him. “I’d start talking if I were you.”

“Nothing to say, man. The note says it all.”

“What have you done to him?” Pike demands, his voice so still and cold it makes Leonard shiver.

“The question is what will we do to him. He’s alive…for now.”

“ _He’ll outrun his purpose sooner or later_ ,” Pike recites. “What does that mean?”

“It means exactly that. Right now, he’s of some value to the boss. But I believe the boss’s patience is wearing thin. He’s been waiting a long time for this, to finally get it moving, to get his hands on Jim. But I suspect the wheels will start turning soon and no one would be able to stop the coming revolution.”

“Who is your boss? Get what moving?” Pike spits, his eyes wide.

“We’ll unleash a power so strong no one would be able to stand in its way. And only the chosen ones, the truly strong ones, would survive,” the man’s face breaks into an ugly smirk.

In the bathroom, Geoffrey had stopped tending to Leonard and instead both were completely focused on the conversation.

“That sounds like…” M’Benga begins.

“Tarsus,” Leonard fills in, his stomach churning and threatening to bring up the last thing he ate. “This is Tarsus all over again.” His own injuries forgotten, Leonard marches back into the room and gets close to the man, standing over him, his eyes radiating heat and anger.

The man’s eyes widen with surprise.

“You tell us where you took right fucking now or so help me God—”

“You’ll do what?” The man interrupts him, feeding Leonard’s rage even further.

Leonard clenches his jaws tightly. “I’ll make you talk and it won’t be pleasant.”

The man scoffs, shaking his head.

The room is too small for the three Starfleet men to talk without being eavesdropped on, so they step into the hallway, keeping the door open to have an eye on the man.

“I don’t think threatening will get us anywhere,” Pike admits. “He won’t talk.”

“He’s most likely trained against interrogations,” M’Benga sighs.

“Leave him to me.”

Pike and Geoff turn to face Leonard.

“I mean, it’s barbaric and messy and from the damn Dark Ages but as a doctor I know how to inflict pain without killing,” Leonard explains.

“Len, what happened to ‘do no harm’?”

Leonard shakes his head, directing his words at Pike. “If you want to kick me out and strip me from my license just do it now cause I will stop at nothing to bring Jim back.”

Pike draws in a long breath, letting it out slowly, calculating and weighing the situation. “That won’t be necessary,” he finally says. “Do what you have to, but try not to kill him.”

“I’ll try my best,” Leonard nods.

“Knock him out, there’s a basement level that hasn’t been used in years that we can use,” Pike orders.

Leonard walks back into the room, grabbing his medical kit and snatches it open. He loads a cartilage into the hypo and presses it against the man’s neck.

“This is probably the most at peace you’ll be for the next few days,” is all the warning he gives before discharging the contents into his bloodstream. His neck limply falls forwards a few moments later.

“Time to get our hands dirty,” Leonard announces.

Pike comms a couple security officers to transfer the man. They really need to come up with a name for him. Once the room is cleared, Pike turns to face Leonard.

“Didn’t I tell you not to walk around alone, McCoy?”

Leonard’s face flushes for a moment. “Yes sir, I just thought to drop by to get some of my stuff. I was heading over to Ben’s room right after.”

Pike nods. “You gotta be more careful. They know your connection to Jim, if what happened today is any indication, it’s that they can get inside and they almost got you.”

“Thank God Jim practically bullied me into taking the self-defense classes.”

“Damn right,” Pike agrees.

“There’s another thing, sir,” Leonard says. “He was wearing a security outfit just like the guy Jacobs said was watching Jim.”

“You’re thinking it’s the same person.”

“Maybe, can’t we show Jacobs his picture?”

“It’s worth a shot. All right then, Leonard you’re staying with Geoffrey and I am heading to my apartment, I think we’ve all had enough excitement for one day. The gentleman isn’t going anywhere, we’ll get started tomorrow. Comm me when you’re both awake, and don’t worry about your attendance, for classes, I’ll deal with that. McCoy, gather whatever you need and get out of here. I don’t want any more surprises today,” Pike instructs.

“Yes, sir.”

“Good, now you boys have a good night,” Pike waves, taking the box and walks away.

“Good night, sir,” Ben replies.

Leonard stars walking around the messy tight space, picking things up as he went and tossing them on his bed. The items are soon joined with clothes and M’Benga raises an eyebrow at his friend.

“You’re not leaving the state, you know.”

Leonard shrugs. “Don’t want to come back here anytime soon, not until Jim’s with me.”

M’Benga sighs, sliding into Jim’s desk chair just as Leonard goes into the bathroom, retrieving his toothbrush and an honest to God razor.

“You still use that thing?” Ben eyes the razor.

“Nothing is as efficient as it. Don’t bother arguing, Jim’s already been through that with me, I won.” Leonard begins stuffing everything into a big he found under Jim’s bed.

“First they got Jim and they’re after you? What the hell, Len?”

“I don’t have the first clue. They’re trying to disassemble any real ties to the Tarsus incident, would be my guess.”

“But that headline, now everyone knows was there.”

“I don’t think their issues is who knows Jim was there, more like who knows what Jim saw when he was there,” Leonard runs a hand through his thick hair.

“You mean…”

“I mean names and faces only Jim would be able to identify, yeah.”

“Who exactly knows that?” Ben asks carefully.

Leonard doesn’t answer.

“I’m guessing you’re one of them,” he tries again.

Leonard nods. “What I don’t get though, is what he was describing, it’s exactly like Tarsus…but that was a controlled colony, isolated. Earth isn’t isolated, whatever they’re planning, it could destroy everything,” he thinks out loud.

“And we don’t have the slightest clue as to what that is.”

“No, we don’t,” Leonard sighs heavily.

“Come on, let’s get going, you’ve had a hell of a day. We’ll pick this up tomorrow,” M’Benga ushers Leonard out of his room. “And I still need to check you out.”

“I think all the talking I’ve been doing is enough proof that I’m fine,” Leonard grumbles.

“Adrenaline, my friend. I’m not letting you sleep until I’m sure everything checks out.”

*****

“You ever love someone so deeply it tears you apart when they’re taken from you?”

Jim’s head is rested backwards against a wall, the buzzing so intense he can’t bring himself to turn his head to face the man. He settles with side eyeing Kodos instead.

“What? Is this a bonding session or something?” Jim snarls.

“Tell me, have you?”

“No, I haven’t.” _And I sure as hell hope Bones isn’t the first one_ , Jim thinks.

“Then you wouldn’t understand. And maybe the way I finally convince you to join me is to make you understand what the feels like,” Kodos concludes.

Jim gulps. “I’m never going to join your…crusade. No matter what you do because you’re wrong.”

“I remember you being stubborn, Jim, but this is beyond that. This being stupid.”

“Not the first time I’ve been accused of that,” Jim shrugs.

“I just don’t get it. I thought you’d be wanting to get revenge for what happened to your father,” Kodos sighs.

Jim stiffens. “What happened to him wasn’t Starfleet’s fault.”

“Are you sure of that? They sure as hell didn’t know how to protect him, either. And truth is, they couldn’t protect you.”

“You shouldn’t talk about things you know nothing about,” Jim mumbles.

“Did you know I had a daughter?”

Jim nods.

“Do you know what happened to her?”

“She was killed by Federation officers during a drug raid,” Jim remembers reading about it a while back. “Organized crime.”

“So they said, yes. But they got it wrong. She wasn’t part of any gang. They killed her for something she didn’t do.”

Jim scoffs.

“You don’t believe me.”

“Why should I? I guess we’ll never know the truth now, will we? So this is it, your revenge on the Federation for what happened to her? Take it from someone who knows, revenge gets you nowhere.”

“Maybe so, but it’s a very strong motivator.”

“And what about all the countless innocent lives that will get caught in the crossfire? What have they ever done to you?” Jim quirks an eyebrow.

“They’re part of the Federation, which makes them guilty. Why can’t you rise above what you think you know and see the lies and deceit you’ve been surrounded by? Let me redeem you, Jim.”

“I don’t need redeeming, thanks,” Jim rolls his eyes. “I think I’ll take my chances.”

Before Kodos could say any more, the heavy door is pushed open and one of his men jog towards him.

“What is it?” Kodos demands. “Where is the doctor?”

“He overpowered him, sir, the doctor. They captured him, I don’t know where they took him,” he heaves.

Kodos closes his eyes and lets out a steady breath. “Looks like I underestimated you and your doctor, Jim.”

Jim smirks.

“Did they at least get the box?” Kodos questions.

“Yes, they did.”

“At least something is going according to plan.”

“They’ll find out it’s you, you know,” Jim warns.

“I’m going to tell them it’s me. And then I’m going to poison the world,” Kodos unveils. “It’s time to cleanse and start fresh.” He gestures for two men to grab Jim by the arms and haul him up to his feet, his body screaming at the movement.

Jim groans as he’s dragged across the vast hall and returned to his small holding cell. They let go of his arms with no warning, sending him crashing to the ground. The last thing he thinks about before he lets the darkness surround him is Leonard.

*****

Leonard and M’Benga are called into Pike’s office before they head to the basement the next morning.

“McCoy,” Leonard answers.

“McCoy, are you there?” Pike asks on the other end.

“Yes sir, we’ve been here since after breakfast.”

“Okay, I need you both in my office right now.”

“Sir?”

“Just get here as fast as you can,” Pike orders, cutting off their connection.

“What was that about?” Ben approaches Leonard.

“No clue, but he wants us in his office.”

“Now?”

“Yeah,” Leonard nods, turning to look at the man, who they’ve decided to name Doe for the time being.

Doe’s face is littered with bruises and blood seeping down his nose and smearing his lips and chin. And then Leonard looks down at his own stained knuckles and sighs. This is something he never imagined doing and it will come back to haunt him, but that’s a price he’s willing to pay for the sake of seeing Jim again.

“I’ll hypo him while you get cleaned up,” Ben gestures to a nearby bathroom.

“Okay.”

They’ve standing outside Pike’s office ten minutes and could already hear a woman talking very loudly through the thick doors. They knock and the world inside dies down before they hear Pike utter a ‘come in’. They can’t help but feel like intruders the moment they step into the office and Leonard’s eyes fall on the older female version of Jim standing in front of Pike’s desk, her arms crossed tightly over her chest and he immediately recognizes her. Not because of the pictures in the press or pictures from Starfleet, but from Jim’s description of her. Winona Kirk.

Leonard doesn’t know how to react because she surely doesn’t know as much about him as he knows about her. Beyond his name being mentioned by Jim a few times over the handful of conversations they’d had since he joined the Academy, Leonard doesn’t know if she connected the dots yet.

Pike clears his throat, his arm going out to point to Leonard and then Geoffrey. “These are Doctors McCoy and M’Benga,” he introduces. “Gentleman, Winona Kirk, Jim’s mother.”

She moves closer to Leonard, studying his face and posture before stopping and raising an eyebrow at him. “Leonard McCoy?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Jim speaks very highly of you, you’re all he ever really spoke about whenever we talked,” Winona draws.

Leonard feels a faint heated blush crawling up his neck and settling into his cheeks, with no goddamn idea how to reply to that. He swallows with a nod.

She turns around, walking back to Pike, completely ignoring Ben’s presence. Leonard takes that moment and exchanges a horrified look with him.

“Speaking of Jim,” Winona starts, “do you wanna tell me why I had to find out he’s missing through a newspaper headline? My own _son_?”

 _Probably because you weren’t much of a mother while he was growing up and rarely kept in contact with him_ , Pike wants to answer but doesn’t. She doesn’t give him a chance to answer.

“Now that I’m here, I expect to see the case investigation files and be kept in the loop,” Winona demands.

“Winona,” Pike tries.

She cuts him off pretty quickly. “No, Pike. Not only do you go and _recruit_ him but also now with all this mess you expect me to just sit on the side and wait? That won’t happen,” she shakes her head.

“Would you have rather seen his skill and talent be wasted away?” Pike asks harshly.

“I would rather anything than to send him out there, I’ve learned my lesson.”

“That’s rich coming from you while you spent nearly his entire childhood _out there_ ,” Pike doesn’t bother hiding the bitterness in his voice.

Winona sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I know that I’ve wronged him, Christopher. And I probably won’t ever be able to make it up to him. And I know it was partly my fault he was on that godforsaken planet. I’m working on it, and I reached out when I heard he joined Starfleet and we’ve been trying to reconnect. I just want my boy back.”

Pike sighs, leaning backwards against the edge of his desk. “We’ve got a few leads that are being chased down, but as of right now, there is a man who came up behind Leonard and was probably planning on taking him too but we now have that man in custody and the good doctors are interrogating him. Speaking of that, gentleman, how are things going?”

Leonard clears his throat. “Slow, sir. Still wearing that smug look on his face but I assure you it will be wiped away very soon.”

“See to it,” Pike nods.

“I will do everything in my power to make sure Jim comes back safely,” Leonard addresses Winona.

Leonard and Ben are dismissed, and Winona turns to Pike.

“I’m guessing the feeling is mutual then,” she says.

Pike narrows his eyes in confusion.

“He feels the same way about Jim,” Winona clarifies.

“How did you…”

“A mother always knows,” she gives him a sad smile. “From the first time Jim talked about him, I knew how he felt.”

“Yeah, Len feels the same way.”

“That’s good, my boy’s been hurt too many times. This is good for him. And from my first impression, I think I’ll like Leonard when I get to know him.”

“Although I don’t know if they know they feel the same way towards each other,” Pike shrugs.

“They’ll figure it out soon enough.”

“You’re right, though, you will like Leonard. He has a tough exterior but he’s soft and caring and loyal to a fault. Damn everything that gets between him and the people he loves.”

“I sensed that about him.”

“We’re going to bring Jim back.”

Later that day, Pike calls Leonard and Ben back into his office.

“Let’s get to the point, they were finally able to decrypt the holovid.” He gestures for both men to join him behind his desk.

“Sir?”

“This isn’t pretty but you have to see it,” is all Pike gives before playing the holo.

The screen is black for a few moments before a distorted voice is heard.

“History repeats itself. We learn from history. History can be used to guide us into a better world, a fairer world. And that is what I intend to do. You see, people may have said that previous attempts have failed, however, I believe they have served a purpose. A purpose to show how weak and helpless humanity really is. That humanity is the real disease on this planet, and I intend to fix that. If you’re wondering what’s happening to your golden boy, be assured he’s still alive…for now.”

The screen switches to Jim and Leonard’s breath catches in his throat. Jim’s sitting with his knees drawn into his chest, his arms closed around them tightly. His face is bloody and bruised, dried crimson flecks stuck to his pale skin. When he looks up, however, all their blood runs cold. Jim’s eyes are lifeless, the glimmering spirit and silver spark gone. But they’re still as blue as they’ve ever been, especially contrasted with his ghostly face. He’s emitting hot rage and angry ferocity, something so unlike the natural Jim they know.

Leonard knows that image of Jim will haunt him until he gets to hold him close.

“Who am I?” The voice is back, and the screen reveals all.

Kodos.

“Oh my God,” Leonard manages to wheeze out. “How…how is this possible?”

He can barely hear his own voice over the violent hammering of the heart in his chest. The only buzzing thought going through Leonard's mind:  _Kodos has Jim_.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Winona have a heartfelt conversation. A big piece of the puzzle is cracked, things start to make sense and they're faced with just how big the situation is, and Leonard gets lured away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Things are progressing high and fast, the ride is reaching it's climax. I hope y'all enjoy and feedback is always appreciated!

The days after Leonard saw the holovid with Jim that unveiled Kodos being very much alive and behind this impending disaster have felt like years and years. He spends every waking hour with Doe, using his medical knowledge to do exactly what his Oath goes against: he does harm. A doctor knows a body’s pressure points, it’s weaknesses and strengths and how much pain every action inflicts. He couldn’t kill Doe just yet, but he’d be damned if he doesn’t get every last ounce of information regarding this dirty operation to snatch Jim and possibly end the world. By all means, moral and otherwise, Leonard shouldn’t be doing this. Not only because of his relationship with Jim and him very obviously being emotionally compromised, but anger and desperation are great motivators.

“If you just tell me what I want to know all this will be over so quickly,” Leonard hovers over Doe with a layer of darkness shielding his hazel eyes that wasn’t there before.

“I ain’t no traitor,” Doe spits.

“No, but you’re a bastard who’s going to sit on the sidelines while the whole damn world burns to the fucking ground!”

“Not everyone is going to die,” Doe shakes his head.

“What does that mean? Are you targeting a certain group of people? Answer me!”

The thud of the heavy door being open and shut tears through their conversation, all heads turning to see Pike and Winona walk into the light shining through from a small window carved at the top of the wall. Leonard straightens, turning to M’Benga who brings him a wet towel.

“Sir, ma’am,” Leonard nods.

Winona had requested to see the prisoner and Pike couldn’t refuse. She had a right and he knew that. Maybe she could get something out of him.

“McCoy, I checked and Jacobs was away on a survival exercise. They returned last night, how about you take the photo and show it to him?” Pike suggests.

“Yes, sir,” Leonard nods, wiping away the dried and fresh blood coating his swollen knuckles before tossing it back to Ben.

“Wait.”

Leonard turns to Ben and the other doctor uses the cloth to wipe at Leonard’s cheek. Leonard gives him a gratified nod and stuffs his hands into his jacket pockets, concealing their look and heads out.

He strikes out in both the mess hall and hanging steps where Jacobs is usually seen with his group. What does happen, though, is just as he is about to step out of the mess, Leonard suddenly finds himself cornered against the wall facing a fuming Christine.

“Hey?” Leonard tries.

“Don’t ‘hey’ me, Leonard McCoy!” Christine replies with a sharp edge. “I deserve more than just a _hey_!”

“What am I missing?” Leonard raises an eyebrow. Christine is probably the only woman in the Academy to really scare Leonard if he’s being completely honest.

“Oh no you haven’t missed anything,” she rolls her eyes, taking a step back so she doesn’t end up suffocating Leonard, at least not before she gets some answers out of him. “What the hell, Len?”

“What?” Somewhere along the encounter, his hands have flown out of his pockets and into the open. He hopes she doesn’t see the mess they’re in. Leonard really doesn’t wanna drag Christine into this any further.

“I’ve barely seen you and Geoff. You are always sneaking off together, what, you two cheating on me or something?”

The joke does nothing but pull a sigh out of Leonard.

And it’s Christine’s turn to lift an eyebrow. “What?”

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” Leonard shakes his head. And he closes his eyes when her own travel down to his battered hands.

“Let me guess, you didn’t punch your own face to give yourself that black eye and some bashed up knuckles, did you?” She crosses her arms over her chest.

“It’s under control,” Leonard insists. “Don’t worry about it.” He remembers when Doe slipped out for a second and awarded Leonard with the shiner.

“What is under control, Len? You can’t keep this from me, please. Tell me what’s going on.”

“I don’t want to drag you more into this,” Leonard pinches the bridge of his nose. “It’s dangerous.”

“I can take care of myself. Besides, it’s you and Ben, it’s kind of like I’m already involved,” she shrugs.

Leonard looks around the mess before pushing himself off the wall and leads Christine outside.

“Where are we going?” She asks, Leonard’s hand on her shoulder.

“In here,” he pushes a classroom door open and they hurry inside.

“Okay, you’re kind of scaring me.”

“Just don’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you.”

“Who the hell am I gonna tell?” Christine defends.

Leonard sighs, collecting his words. “I go back to the dorm and I find a box waiting for me by the door. I don’t have time to check it out because suddenly there’s this huge ass guy attacking me. We fight and I knock him out. I call Pike and Ben to our room and we find out he’s tied to Jim’s kidnapping. The box had Jim’s uniform, a note and a holovid. The note said something about Jim outliving his purpose soon and the holovid showed us who is behind this.”

“Who?” Christine asks in a small voice.

“Kodos.” Is till sounds foreign to Leonard’s ears.

Christine’s eyes go wide. “But he’s dead. Unless he isn’t.”

Leonard nods. “And having Jim isn’t the only thing that was on his list. Apparently he’s planning another destructive crusade. We don’t know details yet but it sounds like another Tarsus.”

“Oh God, Jim…” Christine’s hand goes up to cover her mouth.

“He’s still alive, he’s still valuable to them but I don’t know how much longer he will be. We need to figure this out before his time runs out.”

“That still doesn’t explain your hands.”

“The guy who attacked me, we’re calling him Doe, he isn’t talking. So I’m…persuading him, in one way or another.”

“Torture?”

“There’s just so much I can do. I know this breaks everything I stand for and who I am as a person, but there’s no other choice. I have to do everything I can to find Jim,” Leonard expresses, his face falling and the exhaustion clings to his features. The adrenaline has seeped out of his body.

“How are you doing?”

No one has stopped to ask Leonard before this moment and it makes his breath hitch. “Like my soul is being torn apart. For more than one reason.”

Christine nods, extending her hand to give a comforting squeeze to his shoulder.

“I’m out here looking for Jacobs, he was on a survival course but he’s back and I need to show him a picture of the guy we have.”

“Let’s go find him then.”

They manage to find Jacobs hanging around the library, which is very unlike him, but they approach him and he meets them halfway when he spots them. He is wearing his infamous jacket this time.

“Geez, McCoy, who did that to your face? I thought I had dibs on this action.”

“Him,” Leonard pulls the photo out of his pocket and turns it towards him. “Is this the guy you saw watching Jim?”

Jacobs studies the picture for a few moments before shaking his head. “No, I don’t think so. I mean it was dark, but the other guy was broader and his skin wasn’t this color. This guy has the same weird vibe though, it almost feels like they’re both connected, got the same training or whatever.”

“You aren’t wrong there,” Leonard sighs. “Thanks.”

“Sure,” Jacobs nods. “What’s going on, though?”

“You’ll hear about it soon enough,” Leonard says and turns on his heels, walking away with Christine behind him.

Leonard leads them to the basement to find only the two men remaining.

“Where’s Winona?”

“Needed some air,” Pike replies. He cocks his head to the side when Christine steps out of Leonard’s shadow.

“She cornered me,” Leonard explains. “Saying no to Christine isn’t an option, sir.”

“True,” Ben adds.

“Very well,” Pike goes along. “What did you find out?”

“It’s not the same guy that took Jim, so only explanation is there’s two or more men operating on campus.”

“One gets his hands on Jim and the other is supposed to bring you in after,” Pike theorizes.

“That would be my guess,” Leonard agrees. “We still have a lot of unanswered questions.”

“Why would they want to bring Len in?” Ben speaks up. “Pretty sure they know word got out by now with their men on campus, so they can’t be sure Len is the only one who knows what happened to Jim in that place.”

“He’s the only one they know for sure knows what happened to Jim. They know the connection between them.”

“Speaking of our connection, don’t you think another reason they need to get their hands on me is because Jim isn’t cooperating? That they need to _motivate_ him?” Leonard suggests.

“James is stubborn enough to resist them for sure,” Pike says.

“I just don’t understand what they’re waiting for. They have their great big shiny let’s-destroy-the-whole-damn-world plan, they’re practically rubbing it in our faces. And it reeks. We can’t stop them because we have no damn idea what the plan actually is and we’re nowhere near finding Jim,” Leonard rants with frustration.

“Alright, you’ve had enough for a few days, McCoy. You’ve been down here long enough, get some rest, both of you,” Pike orders both doctors.

“I can’t—Jim, I have to stay here.”

“I’ve got this, Leonard. Come back tomorrow after you’ve eaten a proper meal, freshened up and gotten at least eight hours of sleep.”

Leonard swallows, letting his shoulders drop. They say goodnight to Pike and Christine by their side, begin walking towards the dorms in silence. Leonard tells Ben to head to his room and he’ll catch up, needing to get some more stuff from the dorm. A breeze blows through Leonard’s rumbled hair, sending a shiver down his body and he closes his eyes, stopping to take a deep breath. He welcomes the tremble that weaves through his body once again, the only proof he still exists. He feels hollow and broken and icy, and he’s scared some of Jim’s features will begin to slip out of his brain.

Winona is standing by the dorms building when Leonard walks up, surprised to see her there.

“Mrs. Kirk,” Leonard says politely.

“Winona, please,” she gives him a small smile.

He responds with a short nod as she walks by his side until they stop in front of their room. He enters his code and the door slides open a second later, he takes one step before turning to Winona.

“May I?” She asks.

“Of course,” Leonard gestures with his hand, giving her permission.

She slowly takes a step in, looking around the messy room, and she senses Jim’s presence in the atmosphere. It almost calms her staggering heart.

“The room isn’t always this messy, most of time, courtesy of Jim of course,” Leonard says quickly, walking up behind her.

“He was always a messy child,” she smiles at the memory.

“That’s his bed,” Leonard reads her mind and points to the one closer to the window. He watches as he walks over and runs the tips of her fingers along the surface of the pillow, her palm settling on the mattress.

Winona takes a deep breath, steadying herself and moves over to Jim’s desk. She pulls out the first drawer and spots the familiar velvet box, her breath hitching in her throat. With trembling hands, she wraps her fingers around the same object and pulls it out, inspecting it and letting its history seep back into her skin.

Leonard frowns, having never seen the box before and curious, he joins her and watches as she pops the box open.

Inside lay an Academy graduation ring, the ring that undoubtedly belonged to one George Kirk. It has his class clearly engraved.

“It was George’s,” Winona confirms Leonard’s thought. “I was lucky enough to have this after…after everything.” With the box still open in her hand, she retreats a few steps, opting to sit on the edge of Jim’s bed.

“He never told me he had it,” Leonard sits on Jim’s desk chair instead.

“I think he didn’t want to have it. I didn’t know Pike recruited him, well, I found out weeks later, but he never told me. We hadn’t talked in the months before he joined. Actually, we hadn’t really talked in years, we had the occasional call but beyond that…I wasn’t happy about him joining Starfleet and he knew it. I made it very clear. If he had told me before, I would have told him not to do it. He got mad and said I didn’t understand, said that he wanted—he _needed_ to be somewhere, to belong somewhere and I didn’t understand it. I didn’t understand it until he mentioned you,” Winona remembers.

“Me?” Leonard could feel the heat creeping up his cheeks and staining them bright red.

“The way he talked about you, I knew there was something there, something special. A mother always knows. My Jim never fell in love before and I feared he’d never find that but I know now that he has. And I’m glad to know you feel the same way. At least someone isn’t letting him down.”

Leonard swallows down before speaking. “I never thought I’d find true love either.”

“I sent him the ring as a token of my approval, but instead Jim took it as a sign of comparing him to his father. Or he even had gone as far as thinking I wanted him to be his father, which isn’t true, either of those. I just wanted to remind him where he came from,” Winona sighs.

“I think he’s being reminded of that every single day.”

“No, not like that,” Winona shakes her head. “He was born among the stars, we lost George to the stars, every single piece of Jim is made from stars, and I wanted him to have a symbol for that.”

“He certainly shines as bright as those stars,” Leonard smiles.

“And from what I hear he’s a natural at it, I just pray I don’t lose him to the stars, too.”

“I’ll be out there with him, looking out for him,” Leonard promises.

“I don’t doubt it. You’re a doctor, a pretty good one from what I hear, too.”

“Yeah I am, and a surgeon. Well, people like to talk the good talk I guess,” Leonard shrugs.

“I’ve read some of your research when Jim mentioned you and I was real impressed. Fine work for someone as young as you,” Winona comments.

“That’s flattering to hear, thank you.”

“Jim has found one of the good ones,” she adds. “How much do you know?”

“Not much,” Leonard admits. “I had questions before he told me about Tarsus, everyone knows what happened there and I noticed some things along the way and I had my suspicions. But I didn’t know anything for sure until he told.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard quite the rant about me,” Winona assumes.

“No,” Leonard says, surprising her. “Jim didn’t talk much about family and I understand that. It’s not like I talked much about mine or my history either. We’re very good at not talking about it and just…pushing it aside. We’d busy ourselves with other things just to keep going. In the end, when I think about it, Jim and I aren’t that different after all.”

“Still knowing all the facts and like you said everyone knows what happened there, you still must think what a horrible mother I am for allowing such a thing to happen to my son,” she draws in a deep breath.

Leonard shakes his head. “What happened there wasn’t your fault, no one could have known.”

“He was there because I wasn’t with him. I wasn’t planetside and after one of his stunts, Frank, his stepfather, sent him away to Tarsus without me knowing. I came back and I couldn’t find Jim and I demanded to know where he is and when Frank told me he was on the colony…I should have fought harder to bring him home,” Winona tells Leonard the story, her mind going back in time as she stared into the distance, as if she were talking to herself.

Leonard stays silent.

“I wasn’t there for Jim, and I’d do it differently if I could. It just…whenever I looked at him, all I saw was…George,” her voice cracks and her eyes fill with tears.

And Leonard wonders just how much love was between George and Winona Kirk, the strength of their passion and connection, that after all these years just the mere mention of George’s name still pains Winona so much as if no time had passed at all. They say it gets easier with time, that after a while you smile when you think about the lost one, not cry…but what Leonard sees is the complete opposite. It seems like time is only an element of haunting.

And it crosses Leonard’s mind if he’d ever find a love that strong. And deep down he knows he already has found it.

Not knowing what to say, he extends his hand and wraps his fingers firmly around Winona’s, and she squeezes back, grateful for the gesture.

“Thank you for being there for my son,” she sniffs.

“I wouldn’t be here without him. He did save me.”

Winona looks at the open box in her hand for a few moments before she’s popping it shut and handing it to Leonard. “Make sure he understands.”

Leonard nods, taking the box into his hand.

“I’ve been trying to make things right with Jim,” Winona breaks the growing silence. “And when his brother left…I didn’t think things could get harder than that. I left Frank after he sent Jim away. It took almost losing my son to have him back, but I suspect I never really did get him back,” she sighs. “It was never the same after…he was never the same, and only when he met you that I feel like he started getting that part of himself back again, the part that was violently ripped out of him.”

Leonard understood. “At one point before I joined Starfleet, I felt like there was nothing left for me. I couldn’t see my daughter, my reputation was destroyed…all I had was the bottle and I thought it would kill me. I drank before, yeah, but I was never a drunk. I was this close to becoming one until, well, until Jim reminded me of what really matters. The past is gone, there’s nothing we can do about it so no need to dwell on it, the important thing now is the future and bringing Jim back.”

“Handsome and smart, oh did my boy choose right,” Winona smiles, knowing there’s one person who’d go to the far ends of the universe and back for her son.

*****

Pike calls Leonard and Geoffrey into his office the following morning, having some new information to share with them.

“Good morning sir,” Leonard greets Pike as they step into the office, Ben closing the door behind them.

“Good morning gentlemen,” Pike nods, gesturing for them to sit in the chairs in front of his desk. “It was a little tricky but we were finally able to trace back the information about the car you obtained, and it’s registered to a biotech company, the Lenore Institute of Biotechnology. It’s a small lab but it’s been around for a while, and has been off the radars since its launch. We’re currently getting more information on what kind of work they do there and getting the profiles of the owners and the employees. We’ll find out how this is related to Jim,” Pike explains. “Did you drop by Doe this morning.”

“No,” Leonard answers, “we came straight here from the dorm.”

“Forget about him, he isn’t giving us anything and we’re getting more leads now. We’re going to need all the eyes we can spare. I’ll contact Security and they’ll take care of him,” Pike plans. His comm chirps. “Yeah?”

“Captain, we’ve collected the information you asked for.”

“Great job, transmit it to my PADD. If I need any further information or clarification, I’ll let you know.”

“Yes sir.”

A few moments later, Pike PADD lights up and Leonard sits up straight in his seat.

Pike runs his eyes over the words quickly, getting the gist of it. “So it’s practically unheard of, mainly because they don’t produce anything to the public, it’s a private organization. A new partner joined a couple years ago by the name of Anton Karidian…” he trails off, a deep frown settling into his forehead.

“Sir?”

Pike swallows down, trying to moisturize his suddenly dry throat. “…who renamed the company to its current title.”

“Is everything okay?”

Pike could barely hear Leonard over the pounding of his own heart heavy in his ears, his mind racing in a million different ways because this is much bigger than they thought, much bigger than Jim, and much bigger than the Federation.

“It’s Kodos,” Pike simply says.

“Who?” Leonard asks, uncertainty in his voice.

“Anton Karidian. It’s his alias, only the Federation knows that.”

“So you’re saying Kodos practically owns a biotech company? Oh, what could possibly go wrong?” Leonard huffs.

“His daughter’s name was Lenore, explains the renaming of the company.”

“Was?”

Pike nods. “She was killed by a Federation during a drug raid, it appeared she was part of a gang.”

“So basically this is all revenge for Kodos, for what happened to his daughter, he’s after the Federation,” Leonard puts the pieces together.

“I suspect not only that, it seems like he’s after the whole damn world.”

“Another Tarsus,” Leonard says slowly. “And for him to be able to do that he needed Jim, he needed Jim out of the way or on his side…but why?”

Pike sighs. “Kodos showed a fascination with Jim back…he was impressed but Jim was too smart for him and he didn’t like that. He probably would have recruited Jim but then he went and saved those kids and Kodos wanted him dead. Until Jim escaped his unforgiving clutches again.”

Leonard sucks in a deep breath, letting it out steadily in an attempt to tame his raging heart. “He must have known we’d find out sooner or later.”

“I’m not sure if this is sooner or later…now that we know how he’s operating and under what name, we can track his financials and check everything under his name, that might help us narrow down where he’s holding Jim.” Pike grabs his comm and flips it open, “I need you to get me everything there is on this guy, even the smallest thing, and I mean everything,” he hollers.

*****

“McCoy, you’ll stay out here until further notice,” Pike orders, putting on his protector gear.

They’re standing in front of the biotech company building, both San Francisco Police Department and Starfleet Security personnel. They gathered as much information on Kodos as they could and they’re diving further into his records to make heads or tails of what he’s planning. However, the information is limited because he only popped on the grid about two years earlier.

“But sir—” Leonard tries.

“I’m not negotiating, Leonard,” Pike presses. “We don’t know what’s up there, we don’t know what we’ll face and I can’t let you get hurt. I’ll comm you if I need. Stay here with Geoffrey.”

Reluctantly, Leonard nods.

“Keep an eye on him,” Pike tells M’Benga before leading the Starfleet officers in through the big glass door following the police officers.

Leonard sighs, crossing his arms tightly over his chest.

“It’s gonna be okay, Len.”

Leonard doesn’t answer. Time is critical, and the more time passes, the less the chances of finding Jim alive. The not to good to begin with odds are decreasing, and it flips Leonard’s stomach. He made a promise, to Jim and to his mother, and he can’t break it. Whatever the cost, he’ll pay…but he has to bring Jim back alive.

His comm goes off, tearing him away from his thoughts. He grabs it, flipping it open and immediately speaks into it. “Is it Jim?”

Pike takes a second too long to respond, making Leonard’s chest get even tighter. “No, there’s no one up here, but I think you two should come check this out.”

Leonard and Ben exchange quick looks before they’re walking through the same doors and up to the lab.

Pike directs them towards a desk with a bunch of files and PADDs stacked up high, Leonard looks around, it’s dim and eerie and lacks all technology they’d use in a lab.

“Is this a front for something?” Leonard asks.

“I don’t think so,” Pike points to a file they’ve separated from the rest.

Leonard reads the title and tries to swallow past the lump in his throat. “Shit.”

“Do you know how it works?” It’s Pike’s turn to ask as Leonard and Ben sift through the file in front of them.

“This bioweapon is complex,” Leonard replies, as if he were only projecting his thoughts and not answering Pike. “It’s been designed to attack the respiratory system, only it’s inhaled, it’s only a matter of seconds before the person is suffocating. It’s very fast active and there’s no way to stop it. They don’t have all the chemicals written down, of course, so there’s no telling how to counteract it. There are just too many possibilities.”

“Bit sir, this weapon is highly unpredictable, there’s no way to control it or who it affects. On Tarsus, it was a selection, some would be fed while others would get killed, but in this case…anyone who comes in contact with it will die.”

“This is why everything’s been cleared out,” Pike concludes. “They finished their work, the weapon is ready for use.”

“But why leave all the notes behind?”

Shuffling interrupts the conversation, and all heads turn to the door where they see a large man wearing a black sweater staring right back at them. His eyes go from the files to the men then back to the files. He’s calculating, weighing the risk.

“SFPD, don’t move!”

And then he moves, takes off running down the stairs, taking four steps at a time. A large group of police and Starfleet officers are hot on his heels.

“Well, I would say they were coming by to collect them. We got here first,” Pike raises an eyebrow.

The man doesn’t get very far. He’s being cuffed and shoved into a police hovercar when Pike, Leonard and Ben are exiting the building.

“Make sure he’s transferred to the Academy,” Pike reminds the officers. “We have a few things to talk about.”

*****

Leonard bangs loudly on the dorm room, over and over until the door finally swishes open and Jacobs is standing in front of him.

“McCoy, here to join the party?” Jacobs’s voice is barely audible over the music blasting behind him.

“No thanks, don’t think I’m missing out on much,” Leonard says, pulling out a photo. “Is this the man who was watching Jim?”

Jacobs studies the picture for a few moments and nods. “Yeah, that’s definitely him.”

And Leonard is throwing a ‘thanks’ and jogging away. “It’s him,” he says into his comm.

Leonard receives a message on his comm as he rejoins the rest in the basement. He absentmindedly flips it open and runs his eyes lazily over the words. He has to reread the message a couple times after that for it to really sink in. His heart rate picks up and his cheeks well up with heat, everything else around him disappears and it’s just him and the words staring up back at him.

_Come rescue your precious James. Come alone. I’ll know if you tell or bring anyone with you. Don’t make this harder than it should be. You’ll get more information soon._

He didn’t need to know who sent it.

“Len? Leonard!” M’Benga’s voice slowly filters through.

“Huh? Yeah,” Leonard looks up between Ben and Pike, weighing his options. He decides he has no options to go on, Jim’s life is way too important.

“Everything alright?” Pike raises an eyebrow, concern on the edge of his tone.

Leonard clears his throat. “Yes sir, I just…there’s something I need to take care of.”

“What is it?” Ben asks.

“I’ll explain later,” Leonard shuffles backwards quickly, not giving either man to utter another word when he’s out the door.

The only thoughts bouncing in his head: _hang on Jim, I’m coming for you, hang on._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard finds Jim, gives him something and saves his life, but not without great cost. Unveiling more key information about the situation and keeping his promise, Leonard is left with no choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Needless to say, midterm week is not my favorite. Been drowning in so much work it took me ages to get this chapter done. But, good news is that it's here! Pretty much the peak of the story. I also wanted to do it justice. I hope you guys enjoy and feedback is always appreciated!

Leonard receives another set of instructions when he’s outside the Academy grounds. The new message contains a picture of Jim, proving he’s still alive. Jim is looking directly at Leonard and the doctor feels the chill run down his spine. The kid can barely keep his eyes open, with blood stuck to his face, alarmingly bright against the blue of his eyes and ghostly white of his skin. But there is still life in those irises, Leonard knows how hollow eyes look. He prays he gets there in time, ready to do whatever it takes for Jim to go back home.

The message tells him to head towards the city plaza and to dump his communicator into a specific bin, the blue one near the water fountain so the Academy can’t track his movement through it. Leonard reckons they disabled Jim’s comm. And under the bench next to the bin he’ll find another comm unit with the address, and he should be there in an hour. He knows he can’t afford to make a mistake so he does as he’s told.

“Ha,” Kodos muses as he watches the screen of the PADD in his grip. “Looks like this doctor really does care about you.”

Jim tiredly lifts his head, his breathing slow and shallow.

“His communicator signal isn’t moving,” Kodos moves the PADD to show Jim. “He’s following the instructions.”

“You didn’t give him much of a choice,” Jim wheezes.

“Still, I was expecting some smartass moves, but not from him it seems.”

“What do you want from him?” Jim demands, his voice a little higher but cracking at the end. “You have me,” he says through gritted teeth as pain flares up his body. They’ve done a lot of damage in the past few hours.

“Not to let the cat out of the bag just yet but I don’t need you anymore Jim, but I need him.”

“So I’m your bargaining chip?” Jim huffs.

“You can say that,” Kodos nods.

“You want me to believe that me and him are walking out of this alive?”

“That’s under one condition.”

Jim scoffs. “That’s never gonna happen.”

“We’ll see about that, Jimmy, we’ll see about that.” Kodos gestures for two of his men to pick Jim up and drag him away.

“Leave him out of this, he’s got nothing to do with this!” Jim hollers as he’s taken away, unable to fight the deathly fingers that pierce into his already weakened body. All he can do it plead and wiggle, trying to get Leonard out of whatever this is.

Jim’s only aware of the cold floor beneath him when the metal door slams shut and the silence is almost too overwhelming, if it wasn’t for the choked “Bones” that leaves Jim’s parted lips and the harsh sobs that follow.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Bones—I’m…” Jim cries out to no one, too tired to do anything but pull his knees into his chest, letting the tears flow down his battered face. He closes his eyes and his mind takes him back to one of the many nights he and Leonard stayed in, drinking and talking their problems away. Well, not per se, but something like that.

_“It’s kinda funny, you know,” Jim muses, a small smile on his face._

_“No?” Leonard raises an eyebrow, glancing sideways to look at his roommate._

_“Classes, my classes,” Jim clarifies, still looking up at the ceiling._

_“What about ‘em?” Leonard’s accent always got thicker the more he drank. Jim loved it._

_“Feel like they’re a bit below my level.”_

_“Are they?”_

_Jim nods. “You’d think once they looked at my records, genius IQ, my aptitude test scores, my degrees…you’d think they’d have the decency to stick me where I belong.”_

_“Wait…what about your…stuff?”_

_Jim shrugs. “It’s not like I was in a hurry to get anywhere, let alone here…had a few years and I don’t like to be free, free time means time to think and…some things shouldn’t be thought about. For the greater good. But mostly for my sanity.” A pause. “So, I kept busy. Never liked going home so stayed away from there, too. I guess you can say the genius IQ was inherited.”_

_“Why didn’t you get into the right classes then?”_

_“Oh come on Bones, you know why.”_

_Leonard catches on. “That’s got nothing to do with this.”_

_“It’s got_ everything _to do with this,” Jim corrects. “It’s my name, of course people are going to notice and they’ll start talking and it’s going to be one big headache for the administration.” Jim turns to face Leonard, the blue of his eyes glittering and shinning, so clear Leonard has difficulty not staring._

_“You deserve to be taught, Jim, and that means putting you in classes that will widen your knowledge and challenge your mind. You can probably teach those classes you’re taking,” Leonard scoffs._

_Jim chuckles. “That I did.”_

_“Seriously?”_

_“Yeah, professor didn’t show up so I stood up and taught the chapter. Pretty basic stuff, some of them even said I was better than him.”_

_“Does Pike know about this?” Leonard asks._

_“He does,” Jim replies, referring back to both Jim’s classes and the teaching incident._

_“And?”_

_“There isn’t much he could do,” Jim sighs. “I mean, it sucks, I feel like I could be doing something better or whatever but it might be worth the quiet. Although I know everyone is talking anyway.”_

_“What would they say, though?”_

_“I’m getting special treatment, cause of what happened…Starfleet wants to make it up to me or some shit.”_

_“But how does that make any sense? How would Starfleet be making it up to you by cutting down your years and therefore cutting down your training and sending you into space unprepared?”_

_“I don’t know, Bones,” Jim sighs._

_“Your record proves you’re way ahead of this Jim, it’s not fair.”_

_“Sometimes,” Jim starts, “sometimes I like to pretend I’m just another cadet, just another person who isn’t known for the name he carries and isn’t constantly taunted by their father’s shadow and legacy. Something damn near impossible to live up to. Because in those few rare moments, it feels like I can be anyone, that I can do anything, that I can build something from scratch and be known for that, not be known for what happened to me. Because I don’t have a hand in what I’m known for, nor do I have the power to change it,” his voice echoes with vulnerability Leonard so rarely hears in Jim’s voice._

_“You’re wrong,” Leonard says after a moment._

_Jim sniffs, his eyebrows creasing a bit._

_“You do have the power to change it. You don’t have a hand in what happened to you, that’s true, but you do have a hand in how people see you. Right now, to them you’re George Kirk’s son, but it’s in_ your _power to change that so they see Jim Kirk,” Leonard explains with determination._

_“How can I do that when they’re satisfied with seeing me as George Kirk’s son? How can I do that when they don’t want to see Jim Kirk?”_

_“Well, I know you, kid, and I’m sure you’ll come up with some crazyass idea that will drive me mad but will make your name shine brighter than the damn stars,” Leonard nudges Jim’s arm with his elbow. “You’ll make your own legacy, I believe that.”_

_“No one has ever believed in me in the way you do, Bones.”_

_“What can I say? I know a good one when I see one.”_

_“Takes one to know one,” Jim smiles that million-dollar smile and for the first time, he starts to believe that he is more than just his father’s son._

Leonard stares at the dark building in front of him, inspecting and calculating, noticing it’s quite an old building, if the bleakly dirty appearance, broken windows and the shiver it causes are any indication. Leonard never knew this building existed. Before his mind can stray any further, he sees two heavy men approach him. One of them starts padding down Leonard’s body, presumably looking for a weapon.

“Really?” Leonard huffs.

The men don’t answer, instead they roughly push Leonard forward and they walk back through the big metal door they just appeared from.

“Where’s Jim?” Leonard asks, his voice strained and deep.

“All in time,” one of the men answers, but gives no more indication.

“Is he even alive?”

“He is…for now.”

Leonard sighs, taking in the long hallway they’re walking through. The flickering lights, the creaked doors and the chilly atmosphere do nothing in easing the tight knot in his stomach. He spots an elevator near the end and when they reach it, the doors open and they push him inside. And of course they’re going down. Into the dungeon he presumes. He bites down on his tongue to refrain from commenting until he tastes blood. They roughed up Jim pretty good, and he knows deep down they don’t have a single problem writing him the same fate. He also knows without being told that the chances of both him and Jim walking away from this are near zero, and Leonard will do everything to ensure Jim’s survival. Because this is Jim he’s thinking about and he, well he’s just Leonard, no one important or anything but Jim…Jim is going to change the universe. And that’s enough for Leonard to be at peace with his decision. He just hopes to whatever god is listening that Jim will forgive him, and understand why he did what he’s about to do.

The elevator comes to a sudden stop, rattling the small cell, causing Leonard to lose his balance and he almost thinks it crashed until the doors open, revealing yet another ominous looking hallway. Leonard doesn’t know when exactly he took a role in this poor horror film but he still puts one foot in front of the other.

“You know I’m not going to cooperate until I see Jim, right?”

“Keep walking,” the other guy shoves Leonard forward.

“You ain’t giving me much of a damn choice,” Leonard says under his breath.

“He’s worse than the other one,” one of guys mutters to the other. Dumb and Dumber, Leonard decides to call them.

“Oh you have no idea,” Leonard rolls his eyes.

Dumber tightens his grip on Leonard’s arm and the doctor would have flinched if it weren’t for his complete and utter need to piss these two guys off.

They come to a halt in front of a huge iron door, it looks barbaric if you ask Leonard and given who he’s currently in the unparalleled company of, it has a weird way of making sense. Dumb bangs on the door and it opens from the inside a moment later, and they walk into a magnificent room with a throne at the far end. Leonard’s heart drops in his stomach and his face pales of all color when he realizes who is occupying it.

That is soon replaced with blind rage and Leonard is this close to breaking away and charging but he knows Jim’s life hangs in the balance, he would never do something that stupid when Jim wasn’t safe. He feels his heart pounding in his chest, threatening to leap right out of his skin and land by his feet. He draws in several deep breaths, in an attempt to gather himself but fails, the anxiety surrounding him being too much. He doesn’t speak when he’s stopped in front of Kodos, and he doesn’t move his eyes to meet the icy ones of Jim’s capturer either. Instead he stares at the wall behind Kodos, his jaw set tightly and his hands linked behind his straight back.

“Ah,” Kodos says, a lifeless smile spreading on his face.

Leonard wants to punch it senseless but maintains his posture, digging his nails into his palm, breaking the skin.

“I finally get to meet the infamous doctor,” Kodos continues.

“You have me, let Jim go,” Leonard says to the wall but directs Kodos.

“No, no, no,” Kodos shakes his head, his smile unwavering. “That’s not how this is going to go, doctor.”

That earns him one of Leonard’s famous death glares, but he doesn’t budge.

“You care about him,” Kodos inspects. “I suspect more than you’ve cared about anyone before. You’re here, willing to trade places with him and I know you’re no fool, McCoy, but I’m not sure you know exactly what you’re walking into.”

Leonard bites down on his tongue. “You have me, let Jim go.”

“You think I’m just going to let him walk out the front door?”

“Either that or both he and I walk out the front door,” Leonard retorts.

“I like your enthusiasm, doctor, but do enlighten me, how exactly would you succeed in doing that?”

Leonard shrugs. “We’ll think of something, there’s always a way out.”

“I hate to break this to you but little Jimmy is in no shape to fight his way out, he can barely stand on his own two feet.”

Kodos knows he pressed a nerve because Leonard’s face is reddening, fumes bursting out of his ears and his eyes so sharp they could cut through the thick wall behind him. “Where is he? What have you done to him you son of a bitch?”

“Why don’t we talk first and then we’ll get to that,” Kodos suggests coldly.

“I’ve got nothing to discuss until I see Jim with my own two eyes,” Leonard snarls.

Kodos eyes Leonard for a few moments before he’s nodding his head towards Dumb or Dumber, Leonard can’t tell. He hears the door they walked through opening and shutting. And Leonard waits.

It feels like hours have passed by when the door finally reveals two figures, and the second one clearly too weak to do anything but let the bulky man drag him by.

Leonard can’t move from his place, his eyes blown wide and his mouth hanging open, all he can do is watch as Dumb closes the distance between them, Jim’s arm swung over his shoulder, the only thing from keeping the young man for toppling to the ground.

With a surge of energy, Leonard takes a few big strides towards them, just barely catching Jim before his knees crash to the floor after being let go by Dumb. The force of their bodies roughly crashing together knocks the wind out of Leonard’s lungs but he recovers quickly. He gently moves Jim to a sitting position and he’s right in front of him, on his knees, cupping his beaten face, careful of the swollen eye and the countless cuts and bruises. Leonard swallows down the bile rising in his throat.

“Jim? Jim, can you hear me? Come on, kid, talk to me. Say anything, damn it,” Leonard tries, the desperation clear in his voice but he can’t bring himself to care. “Jim, it’s Bones, I’m here, talk to me, please,” he prompts again.

It takes Jim a few seconds to catch up on what’s going on, possibly because of the amount of blows to the head he had taken. He squints his open eye and sees Leonard through a haze, the colors all mingle together but he would spot that face anywhere.

“Bones?” Jim croaks.

“Yeah, kid, I’m right here,” Leonard nods.

“No, no,” Jim chokes. “You shouldn’t have come, you shouldn’t—”

“What are you talking about? Of course I came. I wasn’t gonna leave you,” Leonard cuts Jim off.

“ _No_ , didn’t mean to pull you into—I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Jim barely manages to push out, sniffing as stinging tears rolls down his face.

Leonard carefully cradles the back of Jim’s neck and gently guides his face into his neck, mindful of the bloody mess. He’s running his fingers through the tacky hair at the bottom of Jim’s skull and holding the shaking body tight against his chest.

“There’s nothing to apologize for, nothing that happened is your fault. I’d be damned if I didn’t come find you, kid.”

“You deserve better,” Jim heaves against Leonard’s skin.

Leonard shuts his eyes, taking a deep breath through his nose and letting it out slowly. He needs to get his emotions in line in order to get them both out of here. Jim is in pretty bad shape, that’s true, but Leonard would carry him if it comes to that. He found him, he’s _holding_ him, there’s no way in hell he’s leaving without him. And Jim’s got the whole thing upside-down, Leonard thinks, because Jim is one who’s too good for Leonard, it’s Jim who deserves better. The doctor pushes that to the back of his mind for the time being, turning all of his attention to the man in his arms.

“I know exactly what I deserve, and he’s right here in my arms,” Leonard soothes. “I’m gonna get you out of this, Jim. Just hang on, stay with me, kid, don’t slip away now.”

“I hate to break up this moving reunion,” Kodos’s voice rose. “But we have things to discuss. You saw your precious Jim, now we talk.”

Jim involuntarily tightens his grip on Leonard.

“It’s okay Jim,” Leonard reassures. “I’m not going anywhere, I’m staying right here.”

Jim swallows, still clutching onto Leonard so tightly his already pale knuckles turn icy white.

Leonard adjusts himself on the floor, still holding Jim but also being able to look up at Kodos, with Jim’s face still in the crook of his neck. “What do you want?”

“I think I’ve made that clear. I want you, McCoy.”

“So you can beat me and rough me up around too?”

“Not exactly. I mean, that can be arranged, but not quite.”

“Then what?” Leonard spits angrily.

“You see,” Kodos kneels down to be at both men’s eyelevel. “One of the men you captured, he was my doctor, the specialist on the…project we have going on. And unfortunately, we found a glitch that needs to be fixed. Not that we can’t work with it anymore, but it should make it…easier. If the glitch was fixed, that is.”

“The bio-weapon,” Leonard fills in the gap.

Catching Jim’s attention, he lifts his head to look at Leonard.

“Yeah, the bio-weapon.”

“We found the files, but they weren’t complete.”

“You never leave everything in one place,” Kodos says. “You’re a good doctor, Leonard, I could use your skills.”

“You want me to help you with your…genocide plan?” Leonard huffs. “There’s no way in hell.”

“You said you’d be willing to talk,” Kodos reminds him, but Leonard senses it’s more of a warning.

“When I thought you wanted to rough me up around a little!” Leonard yells. “I would trade places with Jim in a second, but this…this is murder.”

“Bones…” Jim gapes weakly.

Leonard presses a gentle kiss to Jim’s temple.

“It attacks the respiratory system,” Kodos stands up and starts walking around Jim and Leonard, in circles, slowly.

Leonard’s eyes follow his movement, his eyebrows knitting together tightly.

“It slowly shuts down the lungs, cutting off the person’s breathing until they suffocate. The pain is agonizing, but it’s necessary.”

“You sadistic son of a bitch!” Leonard screams, his own lungs already on fire, his blood boiling in his veins. “Necessary? Don’t give me that fucking bullshit! What the hell is wrong with you?” He snarls.

“Cleansing the world comes with a cost,” Kodos remarks, his voice so calm and leveled it drives Leonard even crazier, threating to push him into a leap if it weren’t for the trembling body at his side.

“How do you even plan to control it? You can’t, it’s unpredictable.”

“The strong will survive,” Kodos says with a very high level of pride that makes Leonard want to punch him all that more.

“The bodies can’t fight this off, no matter how strong or healthy they are, they will all die, you’re going to kill everyone!” Leonard yells, unable to control his fury any longer.

“Then they simply aren’t worthy,” Kodos concludes with an icy tone.

“You know that if the weapon is used on _you_ , you will die, just like everyone else.”

“Let’s say, we’re on schedule for a preview tonight and since there isn’t time to waste, I will repeat my offer once again,” Kodos doges Leonard’s statement.

Leonard scoffs. “I will never work for you.”

“You being stubborn isn’t going to stop me, Leonard. I will release it. Maybe you would like to ease the suffering a little. After all, it isn’t their fault they’re weak.”

“You don’t want them to suffer yet you’re still murdering them,” Leonard shakes his head. “I don’t understand you, and I don’t want to understand you. You’re a sick fuck. I won’t say it again, I don’t want anything to do with this…disgusting stunt of yours.”

“If that’s your final answer,” Kodos pauses, “then I’ll just have to convince you the hard way.”

Without any warning, Leonard feels someone pulling Jim out of his arms.

“What the hell? No!” He puts up a fight and manages to get the large man off with a punch or two and a couple kicks and holds Jim tighter against his body.

“Bones,” Jim trembles, his eyes glued shut.

“It’s okay Jim, I’m right here.”

Soon enough, Leonard receives a kick to the chest and hears a sickening crack, the force of the pain threatens his hold on Jim, it loosens and it’s easier to grab the injured man away. But Jim is kicking and squirming, trying to escape from the rough clutches.

“Let him go!” Leonard roars, despite his oxygen-less lungs. He coughs, his chest on sizzling. “Jim!”

“Bones!”

And then Jim is gone.

*****

“Anything?” Pike asks as M’Benga walks into his office.

“He got off campus right after he left us and he isn’t answering his comm,” M’Benga sighs. “I don’t have a good feeling about this.”

“Neither do I,” Pike grins his teeth together. “First Jim is taken and now McCoy disappears on us, what the hell is going on.”

“Sir, what if this has something to do with Jim?” Ben suggests. “Leonard wouldn’t just walk away, unless…unless he has a better lead.”

“You’re thinking that they reached out to him, communicated with him and…of course he couldn’t tell anyone. They probably used Jim’s life to bargain, goddamn it,” Pike curses. “And Leonard of course took the bait.”

“They probably gave him proof Jim’s alive, and knowing Leonard, there’s no way he wouldn’t have gone.”

“I know,” Pike nods. “Now they’re both in danger. Do we have a location on his communicator?”

“The city plaza.”

“Let’s head over there, we might be able to learn more about what happened,” Pike says. “They’re checking Kodos’s estates, that might help us figure out where he’s possibly holding Jim.”

They arrive to the city plaza and spread out, each holding a PADD which shows Leonard’s comm signal, blinking on the screen. It’s Pike who reaches it first.

“I found it!” He reaches into the bin, fumbling inside until he pulls it out. By the time he has it, M’Benga is by his side. Pike flips it open and reads the last message sent. “You were right, they contacted McCoy.”

“And the other comm is gone,” M’Benga says after checking.

“Well shit,” Pike curses. Of course Leonard wouldn’t have told them, _I’ll know if you tell or bring anyone with you_. Kodos was watching Leonard, was probably watching them all. That means… “We have a problem.”

“You mean on top of all of this?” M’Benga’s eyes go wide.

“Kodos appears to have been watching Leonard, and there’s nothing to suggest he wasn’t watching all of us, too. He probably knows how the investigation was going all along.”

“Do you think he’d…change where he’s holding Jim? If he knew we were looking into his estate…”

“I don’t think he got that, he already had Leonard,” Pike guesses. “Let’s just hope we’re ahead of him in this.”

Before anyone can add anything, Pike’s comm chirps. He fishes for it and flips it open.

“Yeah, Pike here.”

“Captain, we found something.”

“Tell me.”

“We managed to track down his activity right around the time he disappeared, he used a chunk of credits to buy an abandoned building. Back then there wasn’t anything sketchy about it, it was just like any other building but now—”

“It would be oddly out of the place because of all the renovation that happened in the city and he couldn’t risk being discovered,” Pike continues.

“Exactly, sir. There hasn’t been any activity there since.”

“Send me the address and have security and PD on stand by. We’re going to scout it and call in.”

“Yes sir.”

Pike cuts off the call. He receives the address a few seconds later.

“Let’s hope this is it.”

*****

Leonard finds himself standing in front of a large glass room, it’s nearly empty except for one ancient looking vent and Leonard notices there’s only one door in and out of the space. He’s confused, and just as turns to face Kodos, Jim is dragged into the room and pushed to the ground. Leonard winces as he sees Jim clench his teeth and wraps his arms protectively around himself.

“What are you doing?”

“Convincing you.”

The men retreat, leaving Jim alone and Leonard dreads what’s about to happen.

“What is this? Let him out!” Leonard demands.

“You’re far past demanding shit, McCoy,” Kodos growls. “Just watch, maybe something will tick. This is a private screening, enjoy your front row ticket. I guarantee you’re never gonna forget this.”

It takes Leonard a second to catch on, and it’s also the second it takes for Kodos to push a button.

And when the first cough wheezes out of Jim, Leonard’s heart drops into his stomach and he almost stops breathing.

Kinda funny, because that’s exactly what’s happening to Jim behind the thick glass. Leonard takes two long strides and he’s pressed up against the invisible wall, his hands against the coldness and his eyes blown wide.

He watches Jim struggle to take a breath, the room getting heavier with smoke but Leonard can still see Jim’s piercing blue eyes through the grey, and they don’t leave his own hazel.

“Jim!” Leonard yells, his voice so uneven it makes him shiver.

Jim gives him the slightest of nods, the coughing fit getting worse by the moment. And it’s just the two of them in the world, everyone and everything else fades away, and everything unsaid between them is slipping into the open.

 _It’s okay Bones, you’re gonna be fine. I know you can’t do anything about this, I accept what’s going on and I know it’s necessary. Just stop him, save lives, make sure my death is worth it. I’m sorry, Bones, I believe in you. Remember me_ , Leonard suspects Jim is saying with his eyes, which are swimming in tears right about now.

But Jim is wrong, there is something Leonard can do. And he can’t watch his best friend fight to live because if he doesn’t act, his best friend will die. He feels his own lungs fire up, threating to burn him from the inside out, his hands starting to shake. Steadiest hands, his ass. Leonard can’t imagine a life without Jim. A life without Jim is simply not worth living. And he promised to do everything can to make sure Jim goes home.

“Okay, okay, fine!” Leonard gives in. “I’ll do whatever you want, just let Jim go!”

Leonard’s tone is convincing enough, and Kodos presses the button again and the room starts to clear out and the door slides open.

Leonard doesn’t think twice before dashing into the room and falling to his knees next to Jim who’s still struggling to suck in oxygen.

“Jim? Jim, I’m right here, Jim,” Leonard helps Jim sit upright and throws his arms around him, rubbing his back slowly.

“Bo—Bones,” Jim croaks. “You shou—shouldn’t have.”

“Of course I did, I wasn’t gonna let you die. You’re all I care about, I’m getting you out of this, and no one’s gonna stop me,” Leonard promises.

Jim buries his face in Leonard’s neck and let’s the salty tears roll down his cheeks, it’s easier to breathe Leonard in. Something Jim is quickly becoming more aware that he won’t be able to do for much longer.

Jim holds onto Leonard, Leonard’s comforting words a little muffled but clear enough.

“That’s it, deep breaths, you’re doing great, kid.”

“Not without you,” Jim insists.

“That can be arranged,” Kodos steps into the room.

“No! That’s not what the deal was,” Leonard reminds him.

“If he wants to say then let him stay.”

“He is not staying! I said I’ll do whatever you want, you don’t need him.”

“No, but he needs you and I suspect you need him. Either way, one of you will be deprived.”

“Let Jim go,” Leonard says, biting his tongue.

“Make it quick,” Kodos rolls his eyes, walking out of the room.

Leonard quickly helps Jim to his feet and supports most of his weight as they walk out. They’re being led to the big hall and there they would say their goodbyes. Jim has a death grip on Leonard the entire way.

“You gotta let go of me now, Jim,” Leonard says, trying to ease Jim’s clawed hands.

Jim roughly shakes his head, which doesn’t help the condition he’s in but he doesn’t care. “I’m not leaving without you, Bones.”

“You have to, Jim, you have to go now,” Leonard begs.

“ _No_.”

Leonard sighs. “Listen to me, kid, you have to do this, you have to do this for me. I need to know that you’re safe. You’re gonna be fine, you’re gonna make it out of this—look at me, Jim, look at me.”

Jim bites down on his trembling lower lip, moving his gaze to meet Leonard’s wide blown eyes.

“I have to do this, it’s the only thing I can do.”

“You can come with me or you can let me say,” Jim tires.

Leonard swallows deeply. “No, I can’t come with you and you can’t stay.”

And suddenly, all the emotion is hitting Leonard, straight in his gut, when he sees Jim’s face crumble and the tears spill down his battered face. And Leonard can’t keep his own tears from flashing brightly in his eyes. Instead, Leonard sniffs, his hands moving up to gently cup Jim’s face, his thumbs hovering over Jim’s cheekbones before finally settling down, barely touching but enough for Jim to feel it. And then Leonard is leaning in, his forehead connecting to Jim’s and he hears a soft rumble of a sob escape Jim’s tight throat.

Leonard digs his hand into his pocket and holds onto the familiar box, gripping it tightly before pushing it into Jim’s hand. “Go, Jim, go darlin’. You’re gonna be okay, you saved me, now it’s my turn to save you. Let me do this, okay, and don’t blame yourself, I know you will but nothing is on you, Jim. You have to understand that, you have to believe me. Please believe me. Go make me proud.”

Jim doesn’t answer with words, he throws his arms around Leonard’s waist and feels Leonard’s own broad arms go around his body. And they’re holding each other, like they want to melt into each other, like they’re becoming one and Leonard fingers are carding through Jim’s hair and Jim closes his eyes, trying to draw in as much of this moment as he can.

“Bones I—” _I love you…_ ”I can’t do this without you.”

“You can, Jim, you can. You’re gonna survive this, I believe in that, I believe in you, kid.”

Someone is pulling them apart, and Jim is immediately kicking, his arms outstretched trying to grasp at Leonard.

“No! Let me go! Bones! No!”

Leonard has barely enough time to brush his fingers against Jim’s face before he’s out of his reach and someone else is holding Leonard down, naturally.

“Go Jim, go, it’s gonna be okay,” Leonard says after Jim, but he isn’t sure he can hear him over his own yelling.

Leonard quiets down, the adrenaline in his body dying out and all he can hear is Jim’s voice getting more distant by the second. He allows one tear to drop down his cheek and he tries to numb it all, he tries to numb the pain of saying goodbye to Jim, the regret of not telling Jim how he feels about him, and the disappointment of probably missing out on witnessing Jim becoming a captain.

 _I love you too, Jim_.

Jim is pushed violently onto the wet ground outside the building of terror and left there to his own abilities. The pain that runs up his knees at the hard contact is dull compared to the aching throbbing pulsating through his entire body. He wants to go back inside, Leonard is inside, but he can’t manage to move, let alone stand, not even mentioning walking on his own. He looks down into his hand for the first time and immediately recognizes the velvet box that holds his father’s ring. A choked son rips through him. And then he hears it, an echo of sirens in the distance. He almost doesn’t believe his own ears.

Before the sound gets louder, Jim briefly looks up and makes out a figure running quickly towards him with another man closely behind. Jim needs to get into fight mode, he needs to defend himself, these bastards have done enough—but the voice, he knows that voice and one of the many tense knots in his stomach loosens.

“James!” And then the man is right in front of him, blue eyes almost the same color as Jim staring widely at him.  
“Pike,” Jim gasps, immediately reaching out for the older man.

“I’m here, I’m right here,” Pike replies quickly, his own hands going up to Jim’s shoulders and carefully holding on to assure his presence. There are clear signs of distress and shock on Pike’s face at the severity of Jim’s condition, but he tries to push that to the side because Jim is alive. But there’s one more man…

“Bones is still inside,” Jim wheezes, giving Pike the answer he needs. “He has him, you have to get him out of there, please, you have to get him out of there, Bones is still inside, he’s—inside, Bones is—help him, get him out of there, you have to—”

Pike’s heart shatters at Jim’s state, he’s clutching Pike’s uniform so tightly he’s afraid he’ll rip it, feeling Jim’s fingernails digging into his skin and his voice wavering and unstable. There’s a haunted look on the blond’s face and in the eye he can manage to keep opened, and Pike can’t even begin to imagine what he went through.

“Shit, he’s going into shock,” M’Benga leans down next to Pike, yanking his medical kit open and grabbing the items he needs.

“Listen to me Jim, we’re gonna get Leonard out of there, I promise you. He’s gonna be fine, you’re both gonna be fine. You gotta let go of me, though. M’Benga is right here, and he’s staying with you. He’ll take care of you while I go get Leonard out.”

Jim slowly eases his hold on Pike and the captain slowly moves backwards, M’Benga instantly filling the gap.

“What you got there, Jim?” M’Benga asks, noticing the small box and trying to keep Jim awake and coherent. He’s already starting to daze off. “Stay with me, Jim.”

“Box…dad’s Academy…ring…Bones gave it—” The mere mention of Leonard’s name from his own lips manages to snap him back to reality. “Bones! Where’s Bones?!”

“Whoa whoa, Jim, relax, calm down, they’re getting ready to infiltrate the building,” M’Benga points sideways.

Jim follows the doctor’s finger and his eyes land on Pike, several security officers and police officers putting their gear on. He frowns, when did they get here?

“It’s gonna be alright,” M’Benga says.

“Someone’s coming out!” Pike announces, prompting everyone to raise their weapons and point them towards the large door.

Jim turns his head over his shoulder, the strain flares up pain in his neck but he doesn’t care because what he’s seeing…

“Bones!”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plan is put in motion. Jim is freaked out. Leonard plays hero and ends up facing the consequences. Pike is the protective father figure we all know he truly is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to have more events but because of the wordcount it reached so quickly, I decided to split the events into two chapters. I predict the entire story will be around 10/11 chapters or so but we'll find out. I hope you enjoy, and feedback is always appreciated!

Jim wasn’t breathing. He wasn’t aware that he was holding his breath, the only thing proving to him he was still alive being M’Benga’s steady hand on his shoulder. Both his eyes as wide as he could get them, his mouth hanging slightly open, he watches as the figure gets closer and closer, feeling the tension in the air that almost suffocates him. The man is covered with shadows, making it near impossible to define the features of his face but the second he steps into the light, Jim could breathe again.

It was Leonard, walking on his own two legs, albeit a little shaky and unbalanced, but it was still Leonard. His face battered with bruises and a few cuts, oozing fresh red blood down his face, he quickly looks around as the men lower their weapons. He doesn’t notice Jim right away, but sees Pike approach him.

“Jim, where’s Jim?” Leonard pants.

“Right there with Geoff, you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Leonard nods and moves to get to Jim.

“Leonard? It’s good to see you.”

“You too, sir,” and then Leonard turns around and practically rushes over to his best friend.

Jim can’t quite believe his eyes, and he tries to get up to meet Leonard but the older man is kneeling in front of him before Jim manages to move.

“Easy Jim, easy, I’m right here,” Leonard settles his hands on Jim’s sides, keeping him in place.

“Bones?” Jim whispers, his voice unsteady and Leonard suspects the kid’s scared he’s dreaming.

“Yeah, Jim, I’m right here, it’s over, it’s all over. You’re safe.”

Jim lunges forward, throwing himself into Leonard’s chest and feels strong arms envelope him. Leonard winces at the sudden pressure to his chest but tightens his hold on Jim, Jim’s fingers clawing at Leonard’s clothes for a decent grip.

One of Leonard’s hands travels to Jim’s head, carding through his hair while the other hand settles on the small of his back. Leonard holds Jim, something he thought just minutes ago wouldn’t happen again and his entire world turned to darkness. But now, despite both of them being bloody and broken, he can feel Jim under his touch, can hear the blood surging through his veins, can sense the beating of his heart through his skin. And suddenly there’s a light, distant, small, but it’s there and it’s everything Leonard needs.

“So scared—thought I lost you,” Jim sobs.

“It’s alright, kid, everything’s fine. No one’s gonna hurt you anymore, it’s over. And I’m right here, I’m fine,” Leonard promises.

With a sniff, Jim pulls back, just enough to almost be nose to nose with Leonard.

Leonard moves one of his hands to cup Jim’s less damaged cheek. “You okay? Is he okay?” He looks to M’Benga.

“He was going into shock but then remembered you and snapped out of it, but I don’t know how long that’s gonna last. He can start slipping at any moment and the damaged…there’s a lot of it. He needs to get to Starfleet Medical now.”

Leonard sighs, shutting his eyes for a few moments before opening them and looking back at Jim, the hazel glistening. “Listen to me Jim, you have to go to the hospital now. They gotta check you out, I need to finish this, you understand?”

“Without you?” Jim asks, and Leonard can see the panic radiating in the blue irises.

“Don’t panic, Jim it’s okay. I have to see this to the end okay, there’s one more thing we need to do. But you’re safe, I promise. I will come to you there when I’m done, I won’t be long,” Leonard explains.

Jim shakes his head. “Bones, no. Don’t leave me.”

“I’m not leaving you, I’ll see you soon.”

“ _No_. Take me with you,” Jim begs, his hands wrapping weakly around Leonard’s wrists.

Leonard untangles Jim’s hands and holds onto them, trying to reassure the blond. “Can’t do that, you can barely stand. You’re hurt, you need help.”

“Then you give it to me.”

“I will, I promise I’ll find you as soon as we’re done. Geoff is gonna be with you the entire time, and if you need anything call me. I’ll be there when you wake up.”

Leonard looks down between them and finds the box tipped on the ground, Jim must have dropped it when he reached out for Leonard.

“Don’t forget this,” Leonard picks it up and guides it back into Jim’s hands.

“The ring.”

“Yeah, I know. Your mom.”  
“Mom?”

“You think she’d hear about this and not come? She’s back on campus waiting to hear back, I’ll sure she’ll meet you at the hospital,” Leonard says.

Jim swallows heavily. Uncertainty clouds his worn out face.

“It’s okay, her and I…we talked. It’s okay.”

“Len…” M’Benga begins.

Leonard nods. “Hold onto that for me, okay?”

Jim nods back.

“Let’s get you up.” With M’Benga’s help, both doctors help Jim into a squad hovercar.

But Jim doesn’t let go of Leonard’s arm. “Bones, I’m…”

“You’re gonna be okay, I’ll see you in a bit,” Leonard leans in and kisses Jim’s forehead.

It’s only when Jim feels Geoff’s presence at his side that he finally lets go of Leonard.

Leonard stands straight, watching as the hovercar races away towards Starfleet Medical.

“He’s dead,” Leonard hears a voice next to him. He turns his head to see Pike standing, he hadn’t heard him approach, his eyes glued to the distance where the hovercar had long disappeared.

“I know,” Leonard answers, clearing his throat.

“Wait, you…”

Leonard licks his dry lips. “Yeah. I didn’t have a choice. I knew I wasn’t walking out of there. I…I wasn’t gonna let him stand in my way of seeing Jim again. And I sure as hell wasn’t about to take part in his murder spree.”

“He could have killed you.”

“He was gonna kill me either way.”

“Did you find out more about the weapon?” Pike’s eyebrows draw together.

Before Leonard can answer, one of the officers emerging out of the building called his name.

“Captain Pike, sir.”

“What is it?”

“We found a hidden room. You might want to take a look, sir.”

As they move, Leonard winces, grabbing his side with pain visible on his face.

Pike stops short. “McCoy? You alright?”

“Yeah, I just got a couple kicks, nothing I hadn’t gone through before,” Leonard sucks in a deep breath.

“Maybe someone should take you to Medical, we can wrap this up.”

“I’m fine, sir,” Leonard insists. “I have to see this through. He isn’t done, the plan isn’t over. He said he’s going to hit somewhere tonight, he called it a preview. I’m thinking it’s a controlled environment to…test the weapon.” He doesn’t mention that he saw what it can do with his own two eyes…saw what it did to Jim…no, he roughly shakes his head and flinches.

“You sure you’re alright, Leonard?”

Leonard nods, clenching his jaw. “We need to figure out where he planned to unleash it and stop the attack. Or many people are gonna die.”

“Let’s hope we aren’t too late,” Pike sighs and follows the officer into the building, Leonard hot on his heels.

Deep down Leonard knew he wasn’t okay, in fact, something was very wrong but he pushed that to the side. As long as he could keep walking, he’ll worry about it later. Damn doctor instincts.

Leonard wobbles into a dark room behind Pike, a broken old-fashioned desk with drawers hanging limply outwards near the end of the space.

“The door was bolted shut, took us a while to break it down. Whatever is in here, they didn’t want anyone to find it,” the officer says, standing in the doorway.

“Yeah, I bet they didn’t want anyone to find these,” Leonard starts, standing by the desk with a couple of heavy files in his grip.

“What do you have there?”

“Their plans,” Leonard answers without looking up at Pike, his eyes running over the words and illustrations. “Detailed images of the weapon, how they created it and the level of destruction it’s capable of. And this—” He stops short, horror clouding his already concerned face.

“Leonard, what is it?” Pike strides towards the doctor.

This time, Leonard does look up and the sheer shock in his hazel eyes takes away the captain’s breath.

“The Academy, that’s where they’re gonna hit.”

*****

“Doctor Boyce!” M’Benga calls out as he hurries into the Emergency Room, supporting all of Jim’s weight with his arms.

Jim’s head is bobbing along the way, nearly unconscious. His arm draped over M’Benga’s shoulder, the only thing keeping him from toppling to the ground.

“M’Benga! Oh my god, Kirk,” Boyce breathes when he reaches them, quickly taking Jim’s other arm over his shoulder and guiding them to a closed off room, knowing with all the talk going around the grounds, Jim needs his privacy.

“I’m right here Jim, don’t worry,” M’Benga soothes when Jim abruptly turns his face, searching for Geoff. He probably didn’t even notice he was now lying on a biobed in a room.

“What happened?” Boyce asks, yanking out his tricorder and touching some buttons, the biobed humming to life and so does Jim’s vital signs, which are, in short, shit. Boyce’s eyes run over the interactive screen that tells him Jim’s blood pressure is terrible, his heart rate and respiration are awful and he’s got nasty infections because his cell count is crap.

“Leonard, he’s the one who found him. They contacted Len and he went alone and when we figured it out…Jim was outside, I barely kept him awake on the way here.”

“Bo—nes,” Jim croaks, shutting his eyes as pain flares through his body.

“Relax Jim, I’m sure Leonard is just fine. We need to take care of you now, okay?”

“M’Benga’s right, Jim,” Boyce says, looking at the results the tricorder is throwing at him. “Goddamn it, we need to get him into surgery now. Too much internal damage, I can’t even begin to name everything.”

“No no no,” Jim tries to get up but Geoff’s strong hands stop him. “Bones, I need Bones, pl—please,” a tear streaks down the side of his face.

“Jim, listen to me. You remember what Leonard said?”

Jim nods.

“Okay that’s good, he said he’s gonna be here when you wake up and he will be. I’ll send him a message I promise, but we can’t wait for him.”

“Please,” Jim begs. “I can’t—”

“I’m sorry Jim, but that’s not what’s best for you. You can do this, you’re not alone. I’m not leaving your side, you’ll see Leonard soon.”

Ever so slowly, Jim lies back and closes his eyes, trying to catch his breath. M’Benga looks up at Boyce and nods.

“We’ll take care of you, Kirk. You’re a strong man.”

Jim stars to slip away as the darkness takes him with one name on his mind: Bones.

“Where is Leonard?” Boyce asks Ben as they quickly make their way through the hallway. Leonard is one of Boyce’s top students, and he’s taken a liking to the grumpy man.

“He’s okay,” Geoff replies. “Still back there with Captain Pike.”

“With Chris, huh? Let’s hope they both don’t pull some idiotic stunt together.”

*****

Pike, Leonard and the rest of the officers make it back to campus in record time. They disperse, cursing that it’s the weekend and therefore, students will be scattered all around the grounds. That’s good and bad because they aren’t in a concentrated area where they all can be targeted, but them being in several areas increases the possible numbers of targeted places.

“But there’s nothing to indicate that Kodos studied the campus and knows where students will be for him to target somewhere specific. Student patterns are unpredictable, especially during the weekend,” Leonard thinks out loud.

“Where are you going with this?” Pike cocks his head to the side.

“What I’m saying is that either way, he must have picked an area that’s always filled with students, regardless of what day it is. An area that’s always crowded, that’s in the center, an important building, a…” Leonard’s eyes widen.

“Archer Hall,” both men say at the same time.

“Makes sense, it’s practically the center of everything that goes on around here. The steps are always crowded with students and faculty, it connects the campus together, and it has a separate ventilation system,” Leonard says.

“How do you know that?”

“Jim,” Leonard shrugs and Pike doesn’t need to know more. “So he planned to release the weapon through the ventilation system, so we need to shut it down.”

“We can’t do that as long as there are people in the building because it circulates air. We’ll start evacuating and hopefully stop it before it gets released,” Pike quickly plans, flipping his communicator and speaking clearly into it, giving the orders.

They’re practically racing towards Archer Hall, and Leonard feels the pain in his side increase with every step, his hard steps echoing through his nerves and all directed towards what he suspects is not just a minor injury. He bites down on the inside of his cheek and keeps running.

People are gathering outside of the building when Leonard and Pike approach, campus security personnel getting them out.

“Make sure everyone stays away from the building, secure this entire area,” Pike tells one of the officers.

“We need someone who knows how these things work,” Leonard pants.

Pike thinks for a second before raising an eyebrow. “Captain Pike to Montgomery Scott.”

A second passes by before a voice comes through from the other side. “Aye Capt’n, Scotty here.”

“You are needed at Archer Hall, Mr. Scott. It’s urgent.”

“Aye sir, I’m on my way.”

“Really?” Leonard asks when the call is cut off. “Scott?” He knows the Scotsman, has bumped into him a few times over his months at the Academy. He liked the guy, but there was always something off about him. Something Leonard couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“I know what you mean, I had trouble understanding him in the beginning, too. But he’s a good guy and an incredible engineer. If anyone holds the solution to how to stop this, it’s him.”

“You’re the boss,” Leonard nods.

“You have the files?”

“Got ‘em right here.”

Scotty joins them five minutes later, having to come all the way from the other side of campus that holds the labs. Pike hands him the paperwork, giving him a few minutes to look it through and gather the information he needs.

“What’s the verdict?” Leonard asks.

“Good news or bad news first?”

“Good news, I’m tired of bad news,” Leonard sighs.

“Good news is that we can switch if off, after locating it that is,” Scotty says, his Scottish accent heavy and prominent. “Bad news is that in order to shut it down, it’s got to be both manually and with a computer.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means, doctor, that I’ll have to hack into the system, which isn’t a problem but some parts of the actual device need to be disconnected. I’m gonna need someone in there to be my hands.”

“In the vent?” Leonard raises an eyebrow. “He wants someone in the damn vent!” He turns to Pike.

“I don’t need just anyone, I need you, McCoy.”

“ _Me?_ Because I know so much about engineering, right?” Leonard huffs.

“Not quite, I need you because of your hands, you’ve got steady hands, I’ve heard the steadiest on campus,” Scotty muses.

“Yeah well, you didn’t catch me on a very good day. Might be a little shaky,” Leonard retorts.

“Still, a little shaky is the second best thing, Leonard.”

“Wait, you’re actually agreeing to this?” Leonard gasps at Pike.

“You said it yourself, you gotta see this through.”

Leonard grumbles something incoherent under his breath, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. He has to do this. He promised Jim. Jim.

“What is it exactly you want me to do?”

“You’re gonna do everything I tell you, we’ll have visual and audio. From what I gathered from these files, it’s a very sensitive device, it has a timer that’s counting down but if anyone tries to shut it down it will automatically release the gas no matter what the timer says.”

“Isn’t that what we’re gonna do?”

“Yes and no. I will, for lack of better word, confuse it. I’ll bypass the firewall, I’ll play around, I’ll get to the mainframe and I’ll pull its defenses down. I’ll deactivate the reroot process.”

“Wouldn’t that be enough to stop it?”

“Not really because when the timer does finish, it will still be released, despite what I did. What you have to do is cut the connection between the timer and the chamber that holds the gas. You have to be very careful because there are sensors all over it, any of which can actually release the gas if triggered.”

“So basically we’re playing Operation but without all the fun,” Leonard mumbles. “Wonderful.”

“Behind all the wires, you’ll find a small box with three lit circles, forget about two of them and focus on the green one. You have to turn it red before you cut the connection. If you cut the connection first, the gas will be released.”

“And how do I do that?”

“That’s where it gets complicated.”

“ _Now_ is gets complicated?”

“There’s a switch at the back of the box, you’ll have to press the second button on the switch. All without triggering any of the sensors,” Scotty reminds Leonard.

“Okay just one tiny thing, the ventilation system is shut. How am I supposed to breathe?”

Pike hands Leonard large breathing mask and a small tank of oxygen.

“Really?” Leonard eyes them.

“Do you wanna breathe in there?”

Leonard sighs, snatching them out of Pike’s hands.

Scotty then hands Leonard an earpiece, clips a small camera to his chest and gives him a small box. “You’re all set, laddie.”

“Here goes nothing,” Leonard dreads.

“We’ll be with you every step of the way,” Pike promises.

“If anything goes wrong, please tell Jim that—”

“Whatever it is, you’ll tell him yourself,” Pike interrupts Leonard, looking straight into his eyes.

“Yeah I know just…promise me.”

Pike sighs and nods after a moment. “I promise.” He knows exactly what Leonard was going to continue with. _Tell Jim that I love him._

“It’s a big building, Captain, and the ventilation system is an enormous one. How are we to know where it’s located?” Scotty asks.

Pike scans the area, and he spots three men in security uniforms walking around the building, looking incredibly out of place despite the uniform.

“I think those gentlemen can point us in the right direction,” Pike answers, narrowing his eyes towards the strangers and starts striding in their direction, motioning for a handful of officers and Scotty to follow him.

They corner the men at the east entrance, aiming phasers and riffles at their bodies.

“Where is it?” Pike simply asks. When they don’t answer, Pike lunges forwards, pushing his phaser into one of the large men’s chests. He’s got muscle over Pike, but when the Captain uses his icy don’t—mess—with—me tone, everyone scatters and doesn’t dare cross him. “It’s over. Tell me or I swear I’ll put a hole through you that will burn the wall behind you. I won’t ask again, where is it?”

The man turns to the other on his right who nods. He hands Pike a rolled up piece of paper and then all three men are cuffed.

“So much for a loyal entourage,” Pike scoffs as he watches police officer drag them away.

Five minutes later, Leonard is the vent and making his way to the marked location on the map Pike has.

“You with us, Len?”

“Still here.”

“Okay doctor, towards the end, you’ll turn right and then move along a wee bit more and then take a left.”

“This isn’t as easy as driving hang on a bit,” Leonard pants, his knees already aching and the pain in his side a constant dull throbbing. He can feel beads of sweat rolling down the sides of his face and under his clothes. “You know,” he starts, “these weren’t really designed for humans to crawl in.”

“Well aware, Leonard, but what’s the other option?” Pike shrugs.

Leonard grumbles but keeps moving. After an eternity or two, he lost count, he finally makes the left turn. “Just made a left.”

“It should be near the end.”

“I see it,” Leonard observes. “Can you see anything?”

Pike peaks over to look at Scotty’s PADD in his hands, the shuffling and shakiness evident but they can, indeed, see something imbedded into the vent. “We see it,” Pike confirms.

Scotty starts talking Leonard through the process he previously explained, telling him which tools to bring out and when to use them. Having already deactivated the rereoot process, Scotty just needed the small bulb to turn red and to cut the connection. Leonard’s hands are quite steady and he holds his breath as his fingers carefully move around the small both. Leonard wonders how such a miniature box can potentially kill thousands of people.

A small alarm starts to beep, stealing Leonard from his distant thoughts.

“Mr. Scott, what’s going on?” Leonard’s tone waves with panic.

“Shit.”

Leonard freezes. “Shit? Why shit?”

“One of the sensors activated, did you—”

“I didn’t touch anything,” Leonard defends before Scotty finishes. “My hand is midair, and it’s starting to cramp if you ask me.”

“Retreat very slowly,” Scotty instructs.

“What do you see?” Pike asks.

Scotty quickly scans his PADD, looking at a less-clear image of what is in front of Leonard. “Doctor, we don’t have a visual on the timer, how much time is left?”

“Around…what the hell?”

“What is it, McCoy?”

“The timer…it just sped up…down…I can swear it was over three minutes and now it’s under forty seconds!”

“How is this possible?” Pike asks Scotty, his eyebrows drawing together tighter.

“Oh no,” Scotty breathes, the tips of his fingers touching his PADD. “It’s a damn smart thing, hold on.”

“Leonard, get out of there,” Pike orders. “It can release any moment.”

“Captain—”

“I’m not playing games, son. Get out of there, now. We’ll find another way.”

“All due respect, sir, but this is the only way. Better me than countless number of people,” Leonard interjects, the connection getting sketchy.

“Any time, Mr. Scott!” Pike says impatiently. “You better be moving, McCoy!”

“We lost visual,” Scotty announces, still tapping away.

“Damn it, McCoy get out of there!”

“I got it!” Scotty yells. “He’s got twenty seconds tops to get it done.”

“He doesn’t have enough time to get out of there,” Pike mumbles angrily. “McCoy! You’ve got twenty seconds!”

“Sir—Captain—I ca—connec—ar me?” Leonard’s voice cuts in and out.

“What’s going on?” Pike growls.

“The connection is breaking up, I don’t know why, sir.”

Pike and Scotty nervously wait.

“McCoy?” Pike tries again, getting no response. His heart leaps up into his throat and he clenches his fits, his nails digging into his skin. And he’s counting the seconds. He can’t lose Leonard. He can’t face Jim and tell him he failed, tell him he lost the kid’s best friend. The kid’s…something more than just a friend. _Goddamn it, McCoy, don’t do this_ , Pike thinks.

He’s almost at twenty when he hears hustling in his earpiece.

“McCoy? Leonard, you with me?”

“It’s done, sir,” Leonard heaves as if he were running a marathon. He’s just so tired. He wants to close his eyes, just for one minute to gather his strength for the return journey crawl. Yeah, it’s not the most comfortable resting in a damn vent but it’s not like he has a suite option and it turning it down.

Pike’s voice echoes in his ear, scaring away any thought he had about resting. “Mr. Scotty just confirmed it’s been disabled, great job. You gave us quite a scare for a moment,” he huffs out.

“Scaring people…is Jim Kirk’s…profession,” Leonard corrects.

Pike lets out a chuckle that sounds more like a sob at that. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Speaking of Jim, how about you join the land of the living and we go see how things are going?”

“Good, that sounds…good,” Leonard replies. Yeah, he wants to see Jim. He also wants to tell him something, but his mind is so hazy he…can’t quite put his finger on it.

With nothing short of a miracle, Leonard manages to follow Scotty’s directions of how to get out, finding him and Pike waiting for him at the exit. Leonard has never been happier to smell fresh air and for his feet to touch solid ground. No, scratch that. He’d be happier if he sees Jim.

“Jim…” Leonard mutters, both Scotty and Pike helping him up. He doesn’t feel that heavy anymore as the engineer plucks the oxygen tank away.

“Yeah, let’s go see him,” Pike nods.

Leonard takes two steps before the corners of his eyes start to turn black, it spreads until all he can see is the ground getting closer and closer and barely registers someone screaming his name from behind. What was he saying about damn doctor instincts again? And then darkness.

Pike’s eyes widen with horror as he watches Leonard’s body get pulled downwards by gravity, his limbs tumbling and he manages to move just in time to catch the doctor’s head before it slams against the hand ground.

“Leonard! Leonard? Can you hear me?” Pike quickly inspects Leonard’s face and his eyes roam over his closed ones. “McCoy!” He pushes two fingers into Leonard’s neck, his pulse racing beneath his touch.

Scotty is already calling for the medics.

Three men are leaning next to Pike and Leonard, the lead doctor running the tricorder over the fallen man.

“What is it?” Pike asks, desperation clinging to his voice. He almost lost Jim, he damn well isn’t losing Leonard tonight.

The doctor shakes his head. “Massive internal bleeding, his rib broke off and nicked his liver. Not to mention a bunch of other cracked ribs, bruises and contusions.”

“Goddamn it,” Pike swears. “He knew all this was wrong and didn’t say anything, stubborn bastard.”

“We gotta move.”

Pike nods, getting into the transport and watches as the men work Leonard over.

 _Don’t you dare let go, McCoy,_ Pike thinks. _I can’t tell Jim that you played hero and ended up dying. Don’t die on him, kid. Don’t devastate him. Don’t break him. No one would be able to heal Jim of that. He’d lose himself and I…I’ll lose you both. Hang in there, Len, please. Don’t make me keep that damn promise I made you. You tell the kid yourself._

Pike reaches out, staying out of the way but clings tightly to Leonard’s hand, hoping beyond hope he could feel his touch and hold onto it.

They weren’t done yet, Jim and Leonard, and Pike knew that. He knew they still had a long way to go, long and healthy lives to live. To admit their feelings to each other, to get together, to graduate, to be the Captain and CMO together, to drive each other crazy from time to time, to start a family together, to change the universe together, to spread peace together, to retire from the Federation together as heroes, to grow old together, and to love each other with every breath they take. To go down in history like the legends they’d become.

A small smile cracks on Pike’s face at the thought of little Kirk-McCoy kids running around. Enthusiastic like Jim, and brilliant like Leonard.

They weren’t done. Leonard can’t die tonight. Too much is at stake. Jim and Leonard are the closest things Pike has to sons of his own. A hole left by either one of them would be impossible to fill. Not to mention what it would do to the other man. Pike’s heart clenches at the mere thought of it.

Leonard’s heart rate drops.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pike and Boyce have a moment about Leonard and Jim. Confessions are told and plans are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still that time of the semester. The moment exams end, final papers begin. Almost there though! And finally got this chapter done. I hope you enjoy, and feedback is always greatly appreciated! And thank you so much for 3k hits! It means the world to me.

“Chapel!” Pike yells out as he moves quickly behind the stretcher carrying Leonard. “Where’s Phil?”

Chapel approaches, not yet aware of the patient’s identity. “He’s still in surgery with Ben, they’re working on Jim. Why—” her eyes gaze down and her jaw drops open, and she freezes in her place. “Oh my god, Len!” She feels her heart is about to leap out of her chest when she faces Pike again. “What happened?”

“We need a surgeon, now,” Pike says.

Chapel’s eyes are glued to Leonard’s face, he’s pale and sweaty and _not right_.

“Christine!”

Her head jerks upwards and she’s nodding quickly. “Phlox should be available. Take him upstairs and we’ll meet you up there.”

“We? You’re too close to this, Chapel.”

“All due respect, Captain, but I’m going to be in there. Len’s one of my best friends, yes, but I’m the best damn nurse in this hospital and Len deserves the best.”

“Okay, be quick. And take care of him, he saved countless lives tonight.”

Phlox and Chapel are scrubbed in less than five minutes later, and Pike stands helplessly by the door, his arms hanging limply by his sides. He starts to pace, rethinking the day’s events over and over again, wondering how the hell they got here. Jim and Leonard, best friends, in two different operating rooms both fighting for their lives. The closest things Pike’s had to sons of his own, and there’s no guarantee he won’t lose them both tonight.

Knowing he has a tendency to overthink, he decides to drop by the observation room of Jim’s OR. Boyce and Ben would want to know what happened with Leonard. His teacher and another one of his best friends. Pike bites down on his tongue until it draws blood and he welcomes the sting. At least he’s feeling something.

He stands by the glass, silent for a few moments before lifting his hand and pressing on the intercom button. The channel opens.

“Phil?”

“Chris,” Boyce replies without looking up.

He watches as Boyce’s arms are covered with blood, Jim’s blood, and Pike feels like he’s going to throw up. He swallows against his harshly dry throat and speaks. “How’s it going?”

“It’s messy, but we got it under control. Kid almost bled out when he opened him, they did various numbers on him. But he’s strong. Should be done in two hours or so. You need something?”

 _Two hours?_ Pike thinks. _Maybe it’s best he wait to tell them, with Jim’s life in their hands and all._ He quickly shakes his head. _No, they deserve to know. Besides, Phil and probably Geoff won’t forgive me if they find out I knew about Leonard and didn’t tell them._

“Uh…”

Pike’s hesitation makes Boyce look up because Christopher Pike isn’t the man who hesitates. He thinks something he says it, plain and simple.

“Chris? What’s wrong?” Boyce frowns.

“Something happened,” Pike begins. “It happened so quickly but um, McCoy, he…”

Now M’Benga looks up. “Len?”

“Phlox and Chapel are working on him right now,” Pike cuts to the chase.

“Working on him?” Ben repeats. “He was fine last I saw him.”

“He looked fine but he collapsed…internal bleeding, rib broke and punctured his liver. He’s in good hands, he’s gonna be fine.” Pike didn’t know if he was assuring them or himself.

Phil nods, turning back to work on Jim. “I’ll find you when we’re done. And Chris? Don’t drown yourself in your thoughts, okay? They’ll pull through.”

Pike’s gone when Boyce looks up again.

*****

Two and a half hours later, Boyce walks out of the OR, exhausted and on wobbly feet. Ben says he’ll settle Jim into recovery and Boyce nods, taking out his comm to call Pike. He gets no answer, but he isn’t surprised. He finds out which OR Leonard is in and makes his way over.

“Thought I’d find you here,” Phil says when he walks through the observation room door and sees Chris sitting in one of the chairs. He takes a seat next to him and sighs heavily. “You drowned yourself in your mind, didn’t you?”

Pike shrugs. He’s just tired. “Jim?”

“He’s fine, we’ll keep him sedated for twenty four hours to see how the healing is going, and with some time, he should be fine. How’s Len?”

“Had to resect the liver, it wouldn’t stop bleeding. His blood pressure was all over the place.”

Boyce nods, watching as Phlox and Chapel work together in sync. “His numbers are stable now,” he observes.

A lifeless chuckle leaves Pike’s lips. “We almost lost them both today.”

“But we didn’t,” Boyce reminds him.

“These two idiots and their damn instincts to sacrifice themselves for the greater good.”

“They’re good men, those are hard to find these days.”

Pike nods. “He…Leonard knew something was wrong but he didn’t say anything. He promised Jim to figure this out and to see it through and it almost killed him. I should have seen it, he’s good at hiding pain but something was wrong and…if someone says Jim Kirk is the Academy’s biggest stubborn cadet, they have clearly not met Leonard McCoy.”

“You’re telling me,” Boyce huffs. “I teach him, remember?”

“I _recruited_ him,” Pike throws back. “How I managed to find him and Kirk within twelve hours of each other…that I’ll never understand. And here we are today.”

“And they’re the best of friends.”

“I remember watching them get off the shuttle together,” Pike smiles at the memory. “From that moment, I knew. And I think they knew, too.”

“They kind of remind me of you and I, back at the Academy,” Phil muses. “They’re the Pike and Boyce of their generation.”

“McCoy was dead set against joining,” Pike remembers. “He was halfway through the bottle when I found him and he kept going on about how dangerous space is, that it’s only darkness and instability and silent, I didn’t let him get to the disease part of the conversation.”

“Ah, is there a time he isn’t cursing space and everyone who’s traveled through it?” Boyce chuckles.

“Wouldn’t be Leonard McCoy then. I saw past his gruff appearance and attitude and the wall he built around himself. I felt like he was searching for something and I wanted to give it to him. And for Jim, well, I just wanted to save him from his suicidal tendencies and make him realize how special he really is.”

“What happened with Kodos?” Boyce asks carefully.

“Dead. Leonard killed him.”

Boyce’s eyes go wide.

“Yeah. I didn’t have time to get the details. He was going to unleash the bio-weapon at Archer Hall. We got here just in time and Leonard stopped it. He saved countless lives.”

“He’s going to pull out of this, they both will,” Phil pats Chris’s knee. “You can go stay with Jim if you want, I’ll stay with Leonard.”

*****

Leonard comes around about three hours after his surgery. Boyce is sitting on the chair next to the bed, flipping through some patient charts on his PADD when he hears the smallest of groans.

“Welcome back,” Boyce switches off his PADD and leans forward. “How’s the hero of the hour feeling?”

“Wha’?”

Boyce shakes his head, turning to look at the interactive screen. Leonard’s numbers are stable. “Well, I can say the worse is over.”

Leonard grunts, makes a move to change position when Boyce’s hands are steadying him back.

“Easy, Leonard. Your ribs aren’t completely healed yet. Two or three more rounds to go,” he warns.

Leonard sighs, swallowed down his sandy throat. It takes him a moment but he quickly remembers what went down and his eyes go wide with panic. “Jim! Where’s Jim?”

“He’s fine, he’s fine, relax,” Boyce takes notice of Leonard’s suddenly elevated numbers. “There was a lot of damage but we got to it all. He’s in recovery, we’re keeping him asleep until we see how he’s doing. I promise you, he’s doing fine. Pike is with him.”

Leonard slumps backwards, the sudden rush of the adrenaline leaving his body and his muscles start to ache. He can breath a little easier knowing Jim is alive, and that Pike is with him. He frowns, thinking he should be by Jim’s bed.

“Should be there,” Leonard croaks.

“The only place you should be is right where you are,” Boyce leans back into the chair. “You aren’t even gonna ask?”

“About?”

“Oh I don’t know, what happened to _you_ maybe?” Boyce raises an eyebrow.

“I know what happened.”

“Chris was right then,” Boyce sighs. “You’re a damn reckless and stubborn bastard, McCoy.”

“Not the first time I’ve been accused of that,” Leonard smirks.

“See, what I found out you and Kirk were best friends, I was kind of hoping you’d rub off some of your composure onto him but it looks like he gave you some of his recklessness. Oh what the hell, you’re both equally idiotic as far as I’m concerned.”

“Glad you think so highly of me, boss,” Leonard teases.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this in this situation but you’re a genius, Leonard, it would break my heart to see you waste that. No matter how…heroic you are.”

“I’m not a hero.”

Boyce snorts. “Yeah, tell that to everyone you just saved.”

“It could have been the next guy as much as it was me,” Leonard tries.

“But it was you. Just…don’t run away from this, son. Take the praise and gratitude, lord knows you deserve it. Another thing you have in common with Kirk, you’re both so modest it makes my bones ache.”

Leonard’s face softens. “Jim’s really okay?”

“Jim’s really okay,” Boyce nods. “You get some rest now, your body needs it.”

“I’ll see him when I wake up.”

“We’ll run another cycle on your ribs while you sleep so I don’t see why not.”

*****

Leonard doesn’t remember dozing off into the black. It’s still dark, his mind had woken up but not his body just yet. And he likes it. It’s calming in a way, and he’s enjoying the quiet. Until he hears shuffling and rustling beyond his eyelids and knows he isn’t alone anymore. He pries his eyes open and blinks the blurriness away. The sun streaming into the room through the window causes him to squint, and god bless whoever is in the room because they activate the shades.

When Leonard opens his eyes once again, there is no mistaking the person right in front of him.

“Christine,” Leonard says, his voice rough and breaking.

She automatically reaches for the cup of water next to the bed and guides the straw through his chapped lips. “Slowly, it isn’t going anywhere.”

Leonard rolls his eyes but obeys. The cold water running down his scorched throat, in short, feels like heaven.

She retrieves it and moves away before Leonard’s fingers tough her wrist, making her stop. She turns to face her best friend, her face much softer than she intended. She’s beyond relieved that Leonard will make a full recovery but that doesn’t mean she isn’t pissed at him.

“Jim?”

Christine sighs, studies him for a few moment before she nods. “He’s okay, I just checked on him. He’s still sleeping but he’s okay.”

Leonard nods, a heavy weight lifted from his chest.

Christine raises an eyebrow. “That’s it?”

“What?”

“Anything else you wanna ask about?”

Leonard stays silent.

“Maybe your progress?” She hints.

Leonard rolls his eyes. “I know the drill.”

“Pike was right,” Christine gapes. “I didn’t wanna believe it but he was right. You knew something was wrong and didn’t do anything about it.”

“I was gonna get it checked out, there were more pressing matters,” Leonard tries.

“Gonna get it checked out my behind, Len! You and I both know you would have walked it off. Or tried to as least. Until your knees gave out and thank the heavens Pike was right there to catch your head before it hit the ground. If that had happened, god knows what the damage would have been.”

“Chris, listen…”

“No, Len, you listen,” she takes a deep breath. “I didn’t wanna do this now, really, but…goddamn it I’ve been fuming since it happened!”

Leonard licks his lips and remains still, watching her.

“I love you, and you know how much I do but you were so reckless with your own life, it isn’t like you. I know all about your uncontrollable instinct to save everyone else but this time…your life was on the line and you didn’t do a damn thing to try to save it.”

“How…”

“Pike told me what happened. He told me about the weapon and him _repeatedly ordering_ you to get out of there but you didn’t move. You didn’t move, Len.”

“There was no other way,” Leonard sighs. “It was either me or possibly everyone on campus, it was a no-brainer.”

“Did you think about what it would have done to us? To your mother? To _Jim_?”

“I was doing this for Jim. And my mother…she would have understood. And so would have all of you.”

“How did you do that for Jim?”

“I promised him I would see this through.” _I also promised him I would see him after I was done. And that almost didn’t happen_.

“Oh and you think dying for that would have made him feel better? Len, it would have destroyed him.”

Leonard rubs a hand over his tired face, letting his head fall backwards against the pillow.

“We almost lost you both,” Christine whispers.

“I’m sorry,” Leonard whispers back.

“It’s okay,” she reaches forward and squeezes his hand. “You’ll both be back on your feet driving us mad once again in no time.”

“Can I see Jim?”

Christine hesitates.

“I need to see him.”

“Okay, but the second you feel tired, you’re going back to bed,” she warns.

Someone— _probably M’Benga,_ Leonard thinks—brought over a bag with some clothes, his PADDs and other things he could need during his stay at the hospital. Which he is hoping isn’t long. He’s actually hoping he would get out of there by tomorrow but he knows that won’t happen. He is a doctor after all and he himself would never allow a patient who suffered his injuries to leave two days after they have major emergency surgery.

He’s in a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt, thankful he didn’t have to stay in the standard patient gown. It exposed too much, he always says. Christine is one step behind him, her arm stretched out to offer assistance at any moment if he needs it. They reach Jim’s room, a private one, and they step inside. Pike is immediately on his feet and nods at them.

“Len, good to see you up and around,” he smiles.

“Yes, thank you, sir,” Leonard replies, but his eyes are glued to Jim, who’s eyes are still closed.

“He’s okay,” Christine reminds him.

Pike clears his throat. “I better get going.”

“Sir?”

“I need to get some things done and check in with Phil,” Pike says. “Besides, he’s in excellent company.” He pats Leonard’s shoulder gently as he walks by.

Leonard, his legs suddenly feeling wobbly, takes slow steps to the now unoccupied chair and settles in it. He extends his arm and clutches his hand to Jim’s, not minding that Christine is still standing there. It seems she already figured it out, long before both Leonard and Jim did it seems.

“Hey, kid,” Leonard whispers, giving Jim’s hand a light squeeze.

The next time Leonard looks up, Christine is gone.

*****

His eyelids are heavy, like they’ve been screwed shut. He can see blips of light beyond the black that lies ahead, his breathing getting strained when panic starts to flare in his veins. He hears an alarm go off and then a hand resting on his arm. It’s warm and comforting. _Bones?_

“Jim, hey Jim, it’s okay, calm down.”

_Not Bones._

Jim swallows against his dry throat and with much effort, manages to pry his eyes open and turns his head to the side, meeting the man’s face through the blur.

“Pike,” Jim mutters.

“Hey son, good of you to join us,” Pike gives him a small smile. “You had us all worried there for a bit.”

Jim’s about to respond but the lack of his best friend alarms him. “Bones. Where’s Bones?”

Pike’s face drops and he sighs.

And Jim panics. “He was okay the last time I saw him,” his voice cracking but he pushes through the burn in his throat. “Where’s Bones?”

“Something happened—”

“ _No_. No, he’s not—please tell me he’s not…” Jim feels the fresh tears sting in his already bloodshot eyes.

“He’s okay, he’s a few rooms down.”

Jim frowns. “Wh—what happened?” A tear rolls down the side of his face and dissolves into the pillow.

Pike holds out the cup of water for Jim, watching as Jim weakly sucks out of the straw. And Pike tells him everything.

“I wanna see him,” Jim demands.

“How are you feeling first?”

“I’ll feel much better when I see him.”

“You two have always been so stubborn you drive me crazy. You know we had to threaten to hypo him if he wouldn’t go back to his room to rest? He didn’t want to leave your side.”

“Wish you would have hypo’d him. He would’ve gotten a taste of his own medicine.”

Pike can’t help but chuckle. “It didn’t come to that.”

“Shame,” Jim sighs.

“I see our dear patient has woken up,” Boyce enters the room, his arms crossed over his chest and leaning against the doorframe.

“And he’s requesting to see his best friend,” Jim adds slyly.

“I see,” Boyce nods. “I just checked on him, he’s doing good. Chapel,” he calls out. “Would you mind ushering our other dear patient here? His presence is requested.”

They’re all gone by the time Leonard returns to Jim’s room.

Jim turns his attention from the ceiling to the door and tries to sit up the moment he sees Leonard. “Oh my God, Bones.”

“Easy, Jim, don’t try to sit up. I’m comin’ to you.”

The blond extends his hand the second Leonard drops into the chair, desperate to touch him, to know he’s real, to know he isn’t imagining it.

After a second of hesitation, because Jim is awake now, Leonard mingles their fingers together. “You okay, kid?”

Jim nods. “You were reckless, you’ve been hanging with me way too much.”

Leonard shrugs. “No where else I’d rather be.”

“It was stupid, Bones.”

“It’s nothing you wouldn’t have done.”

“I can do it because I have you to put me back together. You can’t do it.”

“So you can go around sacrificing yourself and I can’t? Come on, Jim, that ain’t fair.”

Jim sighs. “I know, I know, it’s just—I woke up and you weren’t here and freaked out cause Pike said something happened and…”

“I tried to stay, but they wouldn’t let me.”

“Pike told me. I thought…I thought you died. Because of my mess and my past, I got you involved and I thought you were gone—”

“Jim, hey, stop that right now. We talked about this. It wasn’t your fault, any of it. And I would be damned if I wasn’t there beside you through it all. It was too much for you to go through alone and when everything else happened I…I damn near lost my mind. I was gonna do everything in my power to bring you back, no matter what the cost,” Leonard grips Jim’s hand tighter.

“I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if bringing me back had cost you, Bones. You…you mean so much to me,” Jim closes his eyes.

Leonard reaches out his free hand and wipes the tear away with his thumb, keeping his hand on Jim’s face, cupping his cheek. “Look at me, Jim. You mean just as much to me.”

“I was so scared, so scared,” Jim shivers.

“I was too,” Leonard leans in, resting his forehead against Jim’s.

Jim melts against Leonard’s touch. “I love you, Bones. I always have, and I don’t know why it took me so long to say it, but God, I love you so much, with everything in me.”

Leonard pulls back, his eyes wide and wet because finally, this is actually happening, it isn’t a dream. Instead of speaking, he’s not quite sure he can find his voice at the moment, the doctor closes the gap, softly brushing his lips against Jim’s slightly pale ones and holds it there. Just a gentle press of lips until he feels Jim’s fingers coming up to his scratch at the stubble sitting on his jaw and the other hand clutches the hem of his shirt. Jim’s lips easily part, like they’ve done this a hundred times before, and invites Leonard in. It’s electrifying, and it feels right, the way their lips line up together and the jolt that runs down their spines when their tongues brush against each other.

Eventually the oxygen deprivation wins and they part, panting slightly and lips identically swollen. Jim smiles against Leonard’s lips.

“I take you feel the same way,” he teases.

“I’m still running it over in my head,” Leonard rolls his eyes. “I’ve always loved you, darlin’.”

Jim beams. “Say that again.”

Leonard chuckles. “Darlin’,” he pecks Jim’s lips.

“Your fucking voice, Bones,” Jim almost whines.

“What about my voice?” Leonard arches an eyebrow suggestively, deliberately lowing the pitch and stretching out the Southern drawl.

“Fuck Bones, not in the hospital. Not the most romantic setting for what’s about to happen,” Jim objects.

“When we get out of here then,” Leonard promises.

“Any idea when that will be?” Jim perks up.

“I’m getting officially discharged in two days but you, probably another week or so.”

Jim groans.

“They’re probably letting me go cause they know I’ll be here with you anyway so they can still keep an eye on me. And me out of a hospital bed is good for everyone’s mental health.”

“Not fair,” Jim pouts.

Leonard gives him _the_ look. “They spent God knows how many hours putting your insides back where they belong, and you lost a lot of blood. It’s damn fair, kid.”

“As long as you’re here,” Jim gives in.

“Not going anywhere. Speaking of getting out of here, Pike and Boyce had a…suggestion.”

“Go on.”

“They suggested we take a break, from everything.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means we get out of California for a few months.”

Jim’s eyes go wide. “A few months? Bones, with my three year plan, I can’t afford to be gone—”

“ _Because of your three year plan_ ,” Leonard interrupts. “You can afford to take time off. Pike calculated it, he said you’re good for up to four months away with no classes. You’ll be back and you’ll still be on track to finish in three years. And since you’re finishing in three, means I’m also finishing in three, and it works for both of us.”

“Bones…”

“Jim what you went through in no light matter. You need time, not only to rest and physically heal, but mentally and psychologically, too.”

Jim knows Leonard is right so with a heavy heart, he nods. “I’m guessing since you’ve already thought this through that you have a place in mind.”

“How does Georgia sound?” Leonard smiles.

“Georgia? But…that means we’ll stay with your mom and…I don’t want to be a burden on her.”

“James T. Kirk, you are many things but never a burden. Besides, my mom can’t wait to meet you. Sure the circumstances aren’t the greatest, but still, she’s already heard a lot about you,” Leonard says.

“She has?” Jim’s cheeks gain some color.

“Of course, you doofus. What? You don’t want to see where I grew up and hear all about how I snuck out of my bedroom window as a teenager?” Leonard pokes.

“You did that?” Jim gasps.

“Sure did,” Leonard chuckles.

“Would you demonstrate how you did it? With me lying in your bed?” Jim smirks.

“I don’t see why not, darlin’. Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you,” Leonard presses a kiss to Jim’s forehead and hears him hum with satisfaction.

“I guess we’re going to Georgia,” Jim smiles.

Leonard seals their deal with a kiss.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Jim retreat to Georgia. It's the calm before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more week of classes and then one week of finals and submissions and then hello winter break! Almost there. I'm not entirely sure exactly how long this story will be, but at least two more chapters to go. I hope you guys enjoy and feedback is always greatly appreciated!

It’s a fine Georgia evening when Leonard and Jim arrive. It’s been roughly ten days since Jim was discharged from Starfleet Medical and released into Leonard’s care. They stayed on campus for a couple days after, gathering their strength and packing their bags before they booked the trip. Leonard’s mother was over the moon when they commed her together to tell her the news. Jim was still a little weak, his pale face had regained most of its color but he looked way younger than he did before everything happened. The blue of his eyes a stark contrast with his messy blond hair and thin face. His spirits were better and that helped Leonard breath a little easier. He felt like he was finally getting Jim back.

Deep down, though, Leonard knows this is just the beginning of the road. He knows what to expect, having worked with trauma patients before, he knows this is the calm before the storm. Everything that Jim went through will come back up, and it will mingle with his past and draw memories and forge new connections. It’s how the brain works. Right now, everything that happened is being suppressed, whether Jim is aware of it or not, and it’s going to start floating back up and it will take it’s toll. And Leonard will do everything he can to keep them both above water.

He suspects Jim is, too, aware of how things are bound to unfold. The most important thing is their presence and getting through it together, he decides.

The hovercar turns on the street leading up to the house, and Jim can see Eleanora McCoy, Nora for short, standing on the front porch, a wide smile on her face. He’s seen holos of Leonard and his mother multiple times, usually after some words thrown here and there with his best friend to get him to actually bring them out. The last holo Jim had seen was taken a few years after Leonard’s wedding, and now pulling up in front of the McCoy farmhouse, Jim notices how she hasn’t really aged a day in God knows how many years.

Looking at the wide entrance and greenery and open space, Jim can imagine the little Leonard he’s seen in the holopics running and giggling around.

Leonard’s the first out, quickly looking over to his mom and giving her a nod and a smile before helping Jim out.

“Go on,” Leonard tells Jim. “I’ll grab our bags.”

Jim nods, suddenly nervous, and slowly, but on his own, manages to walk straight into the welcoming wide-open arms of his boyfriend’s mother.

Jim’s never felt a pure mother’s touch before. Sure, his mother touched him and sometimes hugged him while he was growing up, but it was never the natural touch of a mother to her son. It was always guarded. So the moment he’s engulfed by surprisingly strong arms, he almost instantly melts against her. He comes back to himself when he hears her speak.

“James,” she hums, rubbing a hand up and down his back.

“Mrs. McCoy,” Jim returns the hug with as much force as he could muster.

“Now, now,” she starts, pulling back but her hands still latched to Jim’s boney arms. “It’s Nora, alright? How are you feeling?” Her hands move up to gently cup his face.

“I’m good,” Jim gives her a tired, but genuine smile. “Thank you for having us.”

“Are you kidding me? I’m so glad I get to finally see you in the flesh. I wish it were under better circumstances of course, but you’ll be good as news in no time. Lord knows it took my son long enough to get you both over here.”

“What about your son?” Leonard narrows his eyes, dropping the bags by their feet and leans in to kiss Jim’s temple.

“Just sayin’ how much I looked forward to having you both here.” She releases Jim and it’s Leonard’s turn for a tight hug. “Hi, sweetheart.”

Leonard kisses her cheek before wrapping his wide arms around her. “Hey, ma. Glad we could finally make it.”

“Damn right,” she agrees.

They hold onto each other for a little longer, and Jim watches with the smile still on his face. He remembers how Leonard had only gone home once since they both joined the Academy, the pressure of having a three-year plan mean most vacations weren’t really vacations. Jim and Leonard would stay on campus, sleep in a bit and go about their days as if classes were running. They rarely saw another single soul during those weeks. Jim now understands how much Leonard and his mother needed to see each other, especially after everything.

They break apart and Leonard wraps an arm around Jim’s waist, feeling the younger man slightly lean back into it. Nora had figured out that Jim and Leonard were finally together when they called her, but Jim was still nervous as to how she would act and receive it. He didn’t know just how much she heard about him and meeting him was vastly different than that. He was taken by surprise at Leonard’s various displays of affection in front of his mom and they’ve only been there for…less than five minutes. He wasn’t gonna complain, though. He was actually proud of Leonard.

“What?” Leonard raises an eyebrow at Jim.

“Hmm?”

“Your eyes, they have that look.”

“What look?”

“The one you get when you’re thinking or when you’ve figured something out.”

“I don’t have a look,” Jim defends playfully.

Leonard turns to his mother. “He has a look,” he nods.

Nora chuckles lightly and watches the exchange with a fond smile.

“So, what is it?”

“I just…didn’t realize how much alike you two look,” Jim gives in, suddenly feeling self-conscious and kind of idiotic given that they are mother and son, obviously they’re going to look alike.

But it was actually quite breathtaking and down to the detail. From the dark hair, to the hazel eyes, to the golden freckles barely visible on their cheekbones and noses. Even the demeanor was freakishly almost the same. Nora might be a little upbeat and smiley than Leonard, but no doubt, they share many other characteristics. Aside from Leonard’s love for medicine, Jim wonders what else he took from his father.

To Jim’s relief, Nora smiles. “People always say that when they see us together. So, I’ve prepared Leo’s bedroom and there are fresh towels in the closet.”

“Leo?” Jim mouths.

Leonard nods, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. “Later,” he mouths back.

“Now how about you two go and settle in and dinner will be ready in ten minutes,” Nora prompts.

“Thanks, ma,” Leonard kisses her cheek before she disappears down the hall.

Leonard picks up their abandoned bags and heads up the stairs, quickly dropping them in front of his bedroom door before returning and watching as Jim slowly makes his way up.

“You okay?” Leonard asks.

Jim nods, holding onto the railing and pushing himself up on step at a time. He finally gets to the top with a little pant and doesn’t object when Leonard helps him to the bedroom door.

Leonard’s room isn’t anything like Jim had imagined. It’s simple, a desk sitting at the far corner, covered with old books and PADDs. The walls are clean, either Leonard didn’t hang posters or he had taken them down before. A few pictures hanging on the walls, and Jim takes a mental note to take closer looks at them later. When he can actually stand up without support.

Leonard helps ease Jim down at the foot of the bed and kneels in front of him, taking his hands and giving them a light squeeze.

“How you doin’, darlin’?”

Jim smiles. “We’ve been in Georgia for two seconds and your accent is already making a grand appearance, more so than before.”

“I thought you liked my accent,” Leonard teases.

“You have no idea how much,” Jim shakes his head.

“Really, though, how are you feeling?”

“I’m good, tired from the trip, but I’m good, really,” Jim promises. And then he closes the distance between them by pressing his lips to Leonard’s, enjoying the welcoming sensation when he parts his lips and kisses back deeply.

“How ‘bout I show you around the house and the farm after we eat and you get some strength back?” Leonard suggests when they separate.

“That sounds perfect.”

As if on cue, Nora’s voice rings through the house. “Boys! Dinner is ready!”

“Coming, ma!” Leonard hollers back.

“Her voice is loud,” Jim chuckles.

“Didn’t need an alarm clock growing up,” Leonard remarks and begins to tug off Jim’s shoes.

“Bones, what—”

“Let’s change into something more comfortable. We’re home.”

Jim kisses Leonard once more. Because he’s right. They are home.

To Jim’s absolute delight and to Leonard’s slight wince, dinner is fried chicken, cornbread and mashed potatoes. Jim thinks Nora is probably a mind reader.

“I love your mom already,” Jim whispers to Leonard as Nora brings over some beer bottles.

Leonard rolls his eyes. “Don’t get used to it. This is only cause she knows you need your strength. It’s gonna be veggies from here on out, doctor’s orders.”

Jim pouts like a five-year-old whose balloon just got popped.

“Don’t give me that look, Jim,” Leonard shakes his head.

“More looks?” Nora interjects.

“It’s an entire catalogue with this one,” Leonard remarks.

“And which look are we looking at now?” Nora asks, sliding into the chair across from the two men.

“The look he gives me that makes it seem like I’ve taken the whole damn world away from him,” Leonard sighs.

“Don’t be a bully, Bones.”

“I’m not being a bully. You’re going to eat all your vegetables, James T. Kirk, and that’s final.”

“Nora,” Jim starts, suddenly sounding very professional, “your son means a lot to me but he terrorizes me sometimes.”

Leonard rolls his eyes. “Tough luck, kid, someone has to from time to time.” He finishes serving Jim food. “Now eat, and slowly. We don’t want the hours of fine work done on your insides to go to waste because you’re overeager.”

“ _Bones_ ,” Jim whines. “We’re eating. And your mom is sitting right there.”

“As if it ever stopped you. And honestly between me and my dad, ma probably knows more medicine than both our knowledge combined.”

Nora chuckles, highly enjoying the banter going on in front of her. It feels right, and she can sense that. And it looks right, too. They’re already bickering like an old married couple. Suddenly, she was as glad as she ever was that Leonard signed up for Starfleet.

*****

“I wish Bones knew how to cook like this,” Jim breathes when they’re done eating, leaning back in his chair, feeling like a bloated whale. It’s been a long time since he’d had a good home cooked meal.

“What are you talking about, dear?” Nora frowns slightly. “Leo knows how to cook all of this.”

Jim’s jaw drops. “He _what_? You _what,_ Bones?!” He yells into the kitchen where Leonard is washing the dishes and packing the leftovers.

“Surprise!” Leonard’s response comes, dripping with fake enthusiasm and Jim doesn’t need to see his boyfriend to tell he’s currently rolling his eyes.

“You think you know a guy,” Jim scoffs, shaking his head.

“That was my rule when he moved out, that he know how to cook to keep himself alive.”

“So, we’re talking everything?”

“Everything,” Nora nods. “And he makes a fantastic peach cobbler.”

Jim’s eyes go wide and Nora thinks it’s the most hilarious yet endearing thing she’s ever seen. “You’re messing with me.”

“I wish, sweetheart. No, he beats his grandmother and me at it. Don’t know how he does it.”

Leonard walks in, drying his hand on a towel.

“You’ve betrayed me, Bones, in the deepest way. You let me suffer all this time without a decent meal and dessert.”

“A little suffering’s good for the soul, darlin’,” Leonard leans down and kisses Jim’s hair.

“You like to see me go through this,” Jim suspects.

“If that were true, I wouldn’t have patched you up all those times,” Leonard clarifies.

“Speaking of Leo’s cobbler, how about you make us one, dear? Everything’s here,” Nora suggests.

Leonard smiles. “You up for a little walk, Jim?”

“Sure, where to?”

“The backyard. Let me show you the true art of peach picking.”

*****

“How did you manage to hide that from me all this time?” Jim asks, an eyebrow rising as he watches Leonard change into his sleepwear. Jim’s already tucked under the covers and getting his freezing feet warm.

“Keep what hidden?” Leonard frowns, pulling on a soft cotton t-shirt.

“That perfect peach cobbler you just made.”

“Come on, it’s far from _perfect_ ,” Leonard rolls his eyes.

“Yeah,” Jim snorts. “Tell that to my stomach. Bones, you mom had to pry the container out of my death grip. And she’s been filling my plate all night, that’s saying something.”

Leonard chuckles, sliding into bed next to Jim and yelps as soon as he feels the younger man’s icy feet wrap around his calves. “Jesus, Jim, you’re freezing!”

Jim hums, scooting over closer to Leonard and throwing his arm around his wide chest, pushing his face into the doctor’s neck.

Leonard immediately wraps Jim up against him, drawing him in and brushes a kiss to his temple. “You getting warm?”

“Getting there,” Jim nods. “So, how did you manage?”

“I wasn’t hiding anything, you just didn’t ask.”

“I didn’t know you could do _that_!”

“Yeah well, it’s kinda hard to notice things when you’re barely around or when you’re hopping from one bed to the next,” Leonard grumbles.

“Ouch,” Jim winces. “Fair enough. But now that your secret it out, old man, you’re making me one of these every week. And especially when we’re out in space.”

“Hate to break it to you, darlin’, but that thing the replicator calls peach is a disgrace to Georgians and all of humankind. We’ll have to take fresh peaches from here, which means it’s gonna be a two-time deal at most. Before they go bad, that is.”

“I’ll take what I can get,” Jim smiles.

“What?” Leonard muses.

“You didn’t deny it.”

“Deny what?”

“That you’re going out in the black with me. You usually keep saying how it’s gonna be over your dead body and what not.”

“Yeah well, someone helped me see straight. Not straight per se, but now I know where I belong and especially after everything that happened, I’ll be damned if I let you out of my sight for one second,” Leonard explains.

“That it?”

“And maybe it’s got a little something to do with the fact that I’m madly in love with you and wherever you go I go,” Leonard adds.

Jim sighs, and Leonard’s suddenly nervous he said the wrong thing. Jim shifts, lifting his head and resting his chin on Leonard’s chest. His fingers play with Leonard’s shirt for a few moments before he looks up, meeting the patient gaze of his boyfriend.

“I’m madly in love with you too, Bones, but…” Jim takes a deep breath. “I know how much you hate space and flying and I…it’s gonna be hard on you and I don’t want to put you in that situation. I don’t want to be away from you for one second but…”

“No buts, Jim,” Leonard speaks up, covering Jim’s hand with his own. He knows Jim keeps fumbling around when he’s anxious. “I’m not fond of space, that’s no secret but I can deal with it. I know how much you love the stars, hell you were born among them, you’re made up of them, and I can’t possibly ask you to give that up. I don’t want you to give that up.”

“It’s not fair,” Jim shakes his head. “You should get to do what you want.”

“I want to be with you, on solid ground or in a flying tin can, I don’t care. I just want to be with you,” Leonard insists. “As long as you’re there, I’ll be fine. Might need a little extra supply of bourbon but I’ll be fine.”

“A _little_?”

“Okay maybe a lot, but point is, I’ll cope. I don’t trust anyone else with your medical fiasco either. Besides, I did pass my flight sims,” Leonard smiles.

“Barely passed your flight sims,” Jim teases.

“I had a great teacher to thank for that,” Leonard stretches his neck and captures Jim’s lips.

Jim moves towards Leonard, allowing the older man to lean back against the pillow as their mouths move together, already so familiar and welcoming.

Jim returns to his previous position when they part, Leonard’s strong heartbeat evident under his ear and the sensation of Leonard running his hand up and down his back feels like home.

“Your mom surprised me,” Jim whispers.

“How?”

“Like how she said she readied your room, I was expecting her to follow that with the guest bedroom is ready for Jim.”

Leonard chuckles, the vibrations against Jim make him smile. “I think she knew a while ago, before both of us finally saw it and we just…confirmed it. Offering my bedroom for us was the least she can do, I think if we had shown up here not having figured it out she would have locked us both in a closet until we realized.”

“That sounds like something she would do,” Jim agrees. “I thought you lived in an apartment in downtown Atlanta.”

“We did, and we still have it. It was closer to everything, ma taught at a school and dad worked at the hospital. We were there for the longest time, but then after my dad died…ma couldn’t handle it anymore. Everything reminded her of him and I wasn’t really there so she was all alone and it was too much. So she moved back here, the house she grew up in. She fixed it up, it hadn’t been used in years and she just…never went back there. We used to come here all the time when I was a kid, but it was never really home. I guess it is now because this is where my mother is.”

“When was the last time you went back there?” Jim asks quietly.

“It’s been years,” comes Leonard’s response. “I was there to collect my things, I haven’t been back there since. There’s still stuff there, mostly dad’s. I guess neither of us have had the heart to look through them.”

It’s silent between them before Jim moves again to gently kiss Leonard. “One day. I love you, Bones.”

“I love you too, darlin’. You should get some rest.”

“You needed it as much as I do, maybe even more.”

Leonard nods, and holds Jim tighter, closing his eyes and drifting off to the soft sound of Jim’s breathing.

*****

Leonard’s up five hours later, it had become sort of a habit to wake up every couple of hours to check on Jim since he was admitted at the hospital. He hasn’t grown out of it yet, and he doesn’t really mind either. It gives him a chance to see how Jim is doing, silently running the tricorder over his sleeping form and making sure everything is where it’s supposed to be. It's much quieter too, because Jim isn’t yapping about being fine and pushing his best friend’s hand away. He’s tired, but he’ll get by. Jim is his first priority and it’s not like Leonard slept his way through medical school. A little extra dose of caffeine and he’ll be fine.

He’s nursing his second cup of coffee, staring at the small velvet box in front of him when he hears footsteps approach, curtsey of the echoing creaking in the old staircase. Good for warnings. Thinking it’s Jim, Leonard quickly pushes the box into his sweatpants pocket to look up and see his mother walking into the kitchen.

“Oh, morning, sweetheart,” Nora smiles, surprised to see him sitting there. “Thought you’d be sleeping in.”

“Morning,” Leonard kisses her cheek when she’s close enough. “I can’t get much sleep, Jim though is probably on cloud nine right now.”

“He needs it,” Nora says.

“That he does,” Leonard sighs.

“And so do you.”

“I get by.”

“It’s just a matter of time before you collapse and you know it,” Nora shoots, pouring herself a cup of coffee and sitting across from Leonard. “You’re fumbling, what is it?”

Slowly, Leonard pulls out the box and places it in front of them.

Nora gasps, her eyes going wide. “Leo?”

“Relax, I know what you’re thinking. Not yet, Jim and I are still figuring things out.”

“Then what is it?” Nora asks, her heart still pounding against her ribs.

Leonard opens the box and pushes it towards his mother. “Jim’s father’s Academy ring. His mother gave it to him and it’s been haunting Jim. He always thought it had to do with his father’s legacy and being a shadow and that his mother didn’t support him. But it’s not that at all. I didn’t have a chance to tell Jim yet, but when he was gone, Winona came to California when she heard. I didn’t even know about the ring until she pulled it out. Jim’s got it all mixed up, his mom gave him the ring so he would remember where he came from, which is the stars. It was a sign of her approval of him joining Starfleet after she had so strongly disapproved. I also think it’s a reminder for him to always come back to her. She’s not comparing him to his father, but she wants him to be just as great.”

Nora extends her hand and covers Leonard’s, running her thumb over his knuckles. “You need to tell Jim.”

Leonard nods. “I will, he’s been in a haze since he left the hospital but I will.”

“How is he doing overall?”

“He’s okay, he’s no stranger to trauma but we all know what happens sooner or later. It’s just a matter of time before it all comes rushing back.”

“It has to come back for him to really start getting better.”

“I know but damn it, I hate that it has to drag him down before he can really beat it. It feels like I’m finally getting Jim back but I’ll lose him again.”

“No, you won’t,” Nora shakes her head. “You’ll get him through it, you’ll make sure that everything that makes Jim special stays right where it is.”

As if on cue, they hear movement in the room above the kitchen, Leonard’s room.

“Looks like someone is awake,” Nora smiles. “Get back to him while I make breakfast.”

Leonard nods, gulping back the remaining of his no-long-hot-coffee and stalks up the stairs, taking two at a time.

“There you are,” Jim turns to the door when he hears Leonard step in. “Thought you walked out on me.”

“Where would I go?” Leonard an eyebrow travels up his forehead. “This is my house.”

“I’m sure you can think of something,” Jim teases.

Leonard walks over to his bed and sits on the edge, patting the empty space next to him. “Come here.”

Jim joins him without question.

Suddenly nervous, Leonard draws in a deep breath and lets it out in a slow blow. He then he digs his hand into his pocket and fishes out the familiar box. He hears Jim’s harsh intake of oxygen. “Hear me out, Jim.”

“Bones…” Jim whispers, a little flat with a certain amount of warning clinging to the nickname.

“You misunderstand, darlin’.”

“Oh I think I understand perfectly clear,” Jim retorts, a slight scowl on his face.

Leonard shakes his head. “You don’t. Because you never talked about it with your mother.”

“Didn’t have to, she said plenty when she gave it to me.”

“Damn it Jim, no, when she meant and what you took from it are two completely different things.”

“Are you defending her?” Jim narrows his eyes.

“I’m not defending her,” Leonard says immediately. “I’m not saying she was a perfect mother, she was far from it, I know that. You were gone, and I was alone and she came to the Academy and she brings out this box—a box I had never seen before—and she tells me everything.”

“You believed her?”

“I believed her.”

A humorless chuckle leaves Jim’s lips. “This box is nothing but another disappointing nail in the coffin that is me.”

“Do you trust me?”

Jim’s eyes go wide, the question a blow to his gut. “Of course,” he whispers.

“Then hear me out.”

Jim swallows, staying silent and pressing his lips together.

Leonard takes it as a go ahead. “It was a reminder, but not in the way you think. She gave it to you to show you her approval, and to remind you that you were born among the stars so you belong up there, but it was also to remind you to come back to her. Your mom lost your father up there and she’s scared beyond words to lose you, too.”

“She could have said something,” Jim whispers.

“Would you have listened?”

Jim sighs. “You have to see how it all looked on my side. She gives me my father’s Academy ring and with everything I dealt with growing up…”

“I know, and I understand. I get why you thought like that. She doesn’t want you to become your dad, Jim. But she wants you to be as great and brave as he was.”

“That’s a brand new legacy to take after.”

“You deserve this, darlin’,” Leonard opens the box, pulling the ring out. “I want you to have it.”

Jim’s eyes soften and he looks down at Leonard’s extended hand. Hesitantly, he gives Leonard his hand. A small smile spreads across his face. “You marrying me or something?”

“Careful, I just might,” Leonard pecks Jim’s lips.

Jim beams.

“Come on, breakfast’s just about ready.”

Jim’s stomach rumbles, bringing out a chuckle from both men.

Jim looks down at his hand as he holds onto Leonard’s, and decides not to take the ring off until he gets his own.

Winona calls to check in later that day.

*****

“Jim! Jim, wake up! Damn it, kid, come on,” Leonard shakes Jim’s sleeping form, trying to wake him from his slumber.

Jim’s eyes fly open, wide with panic and fear as he searches for the familiar face.

“Easy, easy, that’s it, come back to me, darlin’,” Leonard soothes, cupping Jim’s pale and sweaty face. “You were just dreamin'.”

“Bones,” Jim croaks and it breaks Leonard’s heart.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The storm hits. Leonard and Jim both lose their footing but end up balancing each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has arrived, apologies for taking so long to post this. It's also three in the morning right now and I just finished this chapter, so I'm sorry for any mistakes, I wanted to get it out as soon as possible. I think there's going to be one more chapter, but I'll see how long it will be when I write it and if it's too long I'll probably split it into two. We're nearing the end! I hope you enjoy this and feedback is always greatly appreciated!

Jim’s arm flies out and latches onto Leonard as soon as his blurry vision has cleared, his heart thumping heavily against his ribs and his skin prickles with goosebumps.

Leonard tightens his grip around the trembling body in his arms and drops a kiss to the top of Jim’s head. “It’s okay, darlin’, it’s okay,” he soothes.

Jim can’t find his voice so he shakes his head instead, tears building up in his tired eyes.

“It’s gonna be okay, Jim,” Leonard repeats, his voice firm and unwavering.

“I thought…” Jim stumbles, drawing in a broken breath. “I’m not strong enough.”

“Hey now, enough with that, that’s not true,” Leonard says.

Jim pushes his face deeper into Leonard’s chest, like he wants to disappear or hide inside the man he loves. But Leonard isn’t having any of it.

“Hey, open your eyes, Jim. Open your eyes and look at me.”

Ever so slowly, Jim obeys, hesitantly prying his eyes open and looks up to meet Leonard’s gaze.

“You’re the strongest person I know, darlin’. You’ve survived so much and this is another part of surviving. It has to happen for you to really get better,” Leonard strokes his thumb along Jim’s cheekbone.

Jim bites on his lower lip to keep it from quivering and his eyes close, a tear slipping down his pale face.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Leonard whispers, leaning in to kiss the lone tear.

Leonard’s hot breath on his skin makes Jim shiver. “I’m so tired, Bones.”

“I know, darlin’, I know. But we’ll get through this together, you aren’t alone, you never were.”

They return to their original position with Jim’s head on Leonard’s chest, the doctor’s lean fingers carding through the blond hair and mumbling words of love. Jim’s hand goes up to the one in his hair and wraps it around Leonard’s wrist, needing to feel him there, afraid he’s gonna vanish if he lets go.

Leonard doesn’t stop the movement of his hand until he feels Jim’s grip on him loosen, and his breathing evening out that he knows he’s drifted back to sleep. He watches over him for a better part of an hour, his eyes rolling under the closed lids and the rise and fall of Jim’s chest all offering a comfort Leonard had so rarely known before meeting Jim. Jim’s face isn’t as peaceful as it usually is while he’s asleep, but it isn’t crunched up in pain either. Leonard brushes a kiss to Jim’s forehead and doesn’t feel himself join his boyfriend in the darkness.

*****

The sun is shining when Leonard’s eyes flutter open some hours later. He looks down and is relieved that Jim is still soundly asleep and his octopus mode hasn’t changed. He steals a quick look at the chrono sitting on his nightstand, it tells him it’s a little after eight. Leonard sighs, rubbing his face with his free hand and gathers enough strength to get up. He won’t be getting any more sleep anyway. He manages to untangle Jim from his own body after minutes of slow movement, afraid he’ll startle Jim awake and the kid needs his rest. Leonard watches Jim shuffle, hugging the covers closely but doesn’t waken. Satisfied he hasn’t disturbed Jim, Leonard brushes his teeth and walks down the stairs, not surprised to see his mom already sitting in the kitchen with a mug of hot coffee.

“Morning,” Leonard yawns, walking over the counter to pour himself a much needed cup of caffeine.

The smile dies on Nora’s lips as soon as her son turns to face her. The bags under his eyes and the haunted look in hazel irises making him appear a hundred years older than he did just the night before. “Oh, Leo,” she pushes out.

Leonard takes a long gulp, not caring about the scorching liquid running down his throat. “Yeah,” he nods and falls into the chair across from her.

“Jim?”

“He’s sleeping but…it started. He woke up in the middle of the night and…” the words come to a halt. He shakes his head and sniffs. “It’s gonna get worse and I…”

“You’ll help him through it,” Nora finishes off his sentence. “Because that’s what you always do.”

“He said that he wasn’t strong enough last night,” Leonard’s eyes turn unfocused on the table. “Which is bullshit…but what if I’m the one who isn’t strong enough. I can’t see him go through all this and just…pat him on the shoulder through it.”

Nora reaches out, grasping Leonard’s hand in her own. “You’re doing everything you can, sweetheart.”

“What if it’s not enough? I wish I could take his pain away,” he looks up, his eyes swimming with unshed tears.

“I know, baby, but like you said, he has to go through this to get better.”

“The kid deserves a damn break, he’s been through enough,” Leonard’s voice wobbles.

“He’s got you and he’s got me, we’ll get him through this. I don’t need to tell you how strong that boy is.”

Leonard wipes away an escaped tear. “He’s the strongest.”

Breakfast is just about ready when Leonard hears stumbling over their heads an hour later. He knows Jim is awake and before he reaches the stairs, heavy footsteps rushing down stop him. Jim’s at the bottom of the staircase a second later, his eyes blown open and panting heavily. It takes him a moment to register the person in front of him.

“Bones?”

“Jim, you okay?” Leonard’s hands go up to hold Jim’s shoulder.

Jim nods absentmindedly, quickly looking around as if to remember where he were and then diverting his sight back to Leonard. “You…you were gone and I thought…”

Leonard’s face softens as he pulls Jim into a hug, one which the younger man quickly returns. “I didn’t wanna wake you, I was just coming to check on you.”

“Thought you were gone,” Jim whispers, his face buried in Leonard’s neck.

“I’m sorry, I’m right here,” Leonard kisses Jim’s temple.

Nora walks in from the backyard just as the men part and she smiles widely at Jim. “Good morning, Jim.”

“Morning,” Jim gives her half a smile.

“Come on, it’s time to eat,” Leonard squeezes Jim’s shoulder and leads him to the kitchen, giving his mother a small shake of his head without Jim noticing.

“How do you feel about waffles, Jim?” Nora suggests.

“Yeah, good,” Jim nods, trying to hold himself up.

“It’s okay, Jim, you don’t have to strain yourself,” Leonard whispers when he notices.

At that, Jim allows his body to slump down on the chair, taking deep breaths, in and out.

Leonard pours Jim a glass of orange juice and hands it over to him, the blond accepting it and taking a sip, the coolness running down his throat makes him feel a little bit better.

“Thanks, Bones,” Jim whispers.

“Anytime, darlin’,” Leonard takes Jim’s hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. “How about we go out for a walk later? Get some fresh air?”

“Yeah, sure, that sounds nice.”

They finish breakfast and Leonard’s washing their dishes when his mother hands him a list of groceries they need from the market. He turns to see that Jim hasn’t moved, that he’s staring into the void and he sighs. He takes the list and folds it up, slipping it into his back pocket before kneeling next to Jim.

“Hey darlin’, I need to go to the market to buy some stuff, you wanna come with me?”

It takes Jim a few moments to gather what Leonard says before he shakes his head. “I think I’ll stay here.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m still tired,” Jim swallows.

“Okay, how about you lie in bed for a while until I’m back?”

“Yeah,” Jim replies and stands up.

“Just call out if you need me, okay Jim?” Nora says, cupping Jim’s face.

“Thank you,” Jim murmurs and lets Leonard help him up the stairs and into the bed.

“Get some more sleep if you can and let your body rest, I won’t be long,” Leonard leans down and kisses Jim’s forehead.

Nora meets Leonard when he’s at the bottom of the staircase, worry drawn on her face. “So?”

“He’s okay, he’s a little disoriented but he’s okay,” Leonard sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“He’ll be fine,” Nora vows.

“Yeah, I should get going, don’t wanna leave him alone for long.”

Nora nods.

“Okay,” Leonard kisses his mother’s cheek and heads out.

Jim manages to get maybe twenty minutes of sleep before he’s violently woken up, quickly sitting up with beads of sweat dotting his forehead and he frantically looks around for Leonard. It takes him a few seconds to remember that Leonard is out and he pushes out a chopped sigh. He bolts through the door the moment he knows his legs won’t give out on him.

Leonard is back thirty minutes later, walking through the door carrying the groceries and sets them on the kitchen table, his mother emerging from the living room to sort through the stuff.

“How’s Jim?” Leonard asks.

“Hasn’t made a peep,” Nora says.

“I hope that means he’s getting the rest he needs. I’ll go check on him.” Leonard stalks up the stairs, knocking lightly on his closed bedroom door. “Jim?” When he gets no reply, he slowly opens the door and pops his head, only to have his heart drop in his knees when an empty room greets him.

“Jim?” Leonard calls out again, louder this time. He pushes the door open wide and walks in, spotting George’s Academy ring on the nightstand. “Damn it,” he curses, grabbing the ring and taking the three steps at a time as he rushes down. “He’s not in the room.”

“What?” Nora’s eyes go wide. “I haven’t seen him at all since you left—” she abruptly stops.

“What?” Leonard urges.

“I was getting the laundry done for at least twenty minutes. You don’t think…”

“I do think, he’d do it,” Leonard’s hands go to his hips as he tries to stabilize his breathing, thinking about where Jim could have possibly went. “The walk, I told him we’d go for a walk to get some fresh air. I’ll go check out back,” he announces, not wasting a second in getting to the backyard.

He keeps yelling out for Jim with no sign of the younger man anywhere, which doesn’t help with the heart hammering in his chest. It takes him a couple minutes to reach the horse stables and he walks around it, eyes darting everywhere and that’s when he spots the body sitting on a pile of hay, curled into itself.

Leonard lets out a sigh of relief as he slowly approaches Jim, not wanting to startle him.

“Jim?” Leonard speaks gently. “Hey, it’s me.”

“Bones,” Jim croaks, but doesn’t look up from where he’s staring into the grass beneath his feet.

“Yeah, I’m right here,” Leonard replies, getting down on his knees in front of Jim.

Jim’s hands leave his side to claw at Leonard’s arms and digs his fingernails into the cloth of Leonard’s shirt. Leonard immediately lifts his own hands and settles them on Jim’s shoulder, an act of assurance.

“You scared me there for a bit, Jim,” Leonard sighs.

“I…I’m sorry. I just…I couldn’t sleep and you were out and the walls…the walls, they kept closing in and I couldn’t breathe. It was like I was back in that room, cold and alone and scared and I need…I needed to get… _out_ ,” Jim rambles, tears flowing down his face.

Leonard could practically hear his own heart breaking and he gets to his feet, sitting next to Jim and wrapping his strong arms around the shaking body, pulling Jim into his chest with one arm and his other hand going to Jim’s face, cradling the back of Jim’s head and settling the blond’s face against his chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere, it’s going to be okay, darlin’, I’m gonna make sure of that,” Leonard soothes.

He hums to Jim until he stops trembling and starts to pull back, sniffing and wiping his face with the back of his hand.

Leonard pulls out the ring from his pocket and opens his palm towards Jim. “I found this on the nightstand.”

“I…didn’t even feel myself take it off.”

“I didn’t mean to pressure you into taking it, you should wear it when you’re ready, and I’m sorry if I pushed you. But you deserve to have it, in your possession, regardless of whether you’ll wear it right away or not,” Leonard says.

Jim nods and takes the ring from Leonard’s hand. “Thanks, Bones.”

“Don’t mention it, kid.”

They sit in silence for a minute or two and then Jim’s turning his body towards Leonard, his eyes roaming over the older man’s face, every inch of it and they focus on his lips. Jim’s tongue unconsciously comes out to lick at his lips and he doesn’t miss how Leonard’s eyes follow the action.

Jim leans in, closing the gap between them and presses his lips to Leonard’s.

Leonard slightly parts his lips, just enough to really capture Jim’s chapped ones. And they fit perfectly. It’s simple, just enough pressure between them and Leonard’s hand comes up to bracket a side of Jim’s face. The kiss is gentle and slow, one of reassurance more than anything else, but it’s perfect.

They pull apart, Leonard resting his forehead against Jim and breaths in.

“Jim…”

“I love you, Bones.”

“I love you too, darlin’.”

A shiver runs through Jim’s body, his skin prickling with goosebumps.

“Let’s get you back inside,” Leonard decides, getting to his feet and holding out a hand for Jim, which he takes. “We can watch an ancient movie and you get to pick the popcorn flavor, so help me God.”

A small smile spreads on Jim’s lips as he wraps his arm around Leonard’s waist. “Ever my hero, Bones, ever my hero.”

“And don’t you forget it,” Leonard agrees, planting a kiss to Jim’s temple.

*****

“How are you feeling?” Leonard asks that night, walking into his bedroom to find Jim already under the covers.

“I’m okay,” Jim replies, watching as Leonard slips into bed next to him and he immediately latches himself around the older man’s chest.

Leonard gets comfortable, pulling Jim into his chest and hooks his hand on his arm.

“Bones?”

“Yeah?”  
“I have a question.”

“Go ahead.”

Jim bites on his bottom lip before licking it. “What…what happened to Kodos?”

“Jim…”

“I need…I need to know, Bones.”

“Maybe now is not the best time to talk about it.”

“It doesn’t matter when we talk about it,” Jim defends. “I need to know.”

Leonard sighs heavily.

“They told me he’s dead, for good this time but…they didn’t tell me how,” Jim says.

Leonard squeezes his eyes shut, his throat suddenly feeling too tight and dry. He hopes his voice isn’t as weak as he feels. “Yeah, I know, because I asked them not to tell you.”

“Why?” Jim frowns.

Leonard didn’t think he’d be having this conversation with Jim in this context. He had imagined that he would sit him down and explain everything that happened but he really should have seen it coming because…well, because Jim’s mind runs faster than both of them can really comprehend, and it runs in all directions. He knew Jim was going to start asking questions, Leonard just didn’t think it would be right now.

“Bones?”

His nickname nudges him back to reality and he looks down to see Jim staring at him. Leonard swallows and answers. “Because I…because I killed him.”

“You what?”

Leonard nods, his hazel eyes looking directly into Jim’s blown blue ones. “Yeah I…didn’t really have a choice. Well, I had two choices after he let you go but in reality, I knew I had to do it. The two choices were either I help him and he kills me or I get ahead and end him. It was a matter of either seeing you or not seeing you again so really, I didn’t have a choice. I wasn’t going to let that…monster stop me from seeing you again.”

“You…” Jim trails off, his voice breaking. “You’ve been carrying that around the entire time and I…didn’t even notice how heavy you must have been feeling.”

“Hey, Jim, no, you’re dealing with enough as it is. I didn’t want to tell you yet because…I didn’t want you to carry this too because I know you and I know you’ll blame yourself. Hear me clear when I tell you that it wasn’t your fault. It was my choice, and I don’t regret it.”

“I’m sorry, Bones, I’m so sorry,” a tear rolls down Jim’s cheek.

Leonard brackets Jim’s face, wiping it away and kisses his forehead. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, darlin’. I got to see you again, and that’s all I care about.”

Jim buries his face in Leonard’s neck, a few hiccups escaping his throat.

“You’re okay, Jim, we’re okay,” Leonard promises, running his fingers through Jim’s hair. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, darlin’.”

Jim sniffs, brushing his lips against the exposed still of Leonard’s neck.

“How about some stories now, hmm?” Leonard suggests. “I seem to remember promising you some about me sneaking out that window,” he lifts his arm to point to the slightly opened window.

“And you said you’d show me, too,” Jim reminds, a small smile spreading on his face.

“I would but you’re just too comfortable for me to move,” Leonard teases.

“Fraud,” Jim playfully slaps Leonard’s chest.

Leonard chuckles. “The first time I snuck out was during middle school.”

“To see a girl? A guy? Both?”

“Both?” Leonard repeats. “That’s flattering, but no. I was actually going to a party.”

“I never pegged you for a party guy,” Jim muses.

“Yeah well, some of the high schoolers were throwing one and I’ve always looked older than I actually am—”

“Possibly because of your grumpiness and the fact that you don’t smile much,” Jim interrupts.

“Smartass,” Leonard hisses. “Of course were was no damn way in hell I was about to ask my parents so out the window I went. It looks much harder than it actually is, going up and down, that is.”

“What happened when you got there?”

“We obviously didn’t get into the party but some of the guys gave us some beers. So we sat on the curb and drank the night away. I was shitfaced by the time the sun started coming up,” Leonard chuckles.

“Did your parents catch you?” Jim raises an eyebrow.

“I sense from the excitement in your voice that you want me to get caught. Sorry to disappoint, darlin’, but I somehow made it back up here by some miracle just as they were starting to wake up. And it was the start of the weekend so there was no reason for them to wake me up so early. I gotta tell you, though, the hangover…not fun.”

“I know that feeling all too well,” Jim agrees. “Did they ever catch you?”

“I’ve gone up and down that tree outside my window countless times and I was caught…three times,” Leonard recalls. “And one of them was with a girl.”

“Noooo!” Jim gasps.

“Yeah, it was bad. I was already outside helping her leave and my dad comes into my room. He takes one look at us and then at my bed, which was unmade, nothing had happened but from what it looked like…”

“Damn,” Jim winces. “What happened?”

“First thing he did was call out to my mom, ‘Nora! Come look at what that wonderful son of yours is up to, literally!’” Leonard laughs. “And turns out, ma knew her mother. We both did the walk of shame down to the living room until her dad picked her up. I got an earful after that. I was in tenth grade.”

“Did you continue seeing each other after you were caught?”

“For a little while after, and then we broke up and then I met Jocelyn. And my sneaking out of the window days were over.”

“You still owe me a demonstration,” Jim reminds him.

“I sure do.”

*****

Jim’s more coherent and aware when he wakes up the next morning. Leonard’s spot is empty but still warm enough to tell him that the doctor hasn’t been up for more than twenty minutes. After a quick trip to the bathroom, Jim walks down the stairs and doesn’t stop Leonard or his mom anywhere.

“Bones?”

“Out here, Jim,” Leonard calls back. “Pour yourself a cup of orange juice.”

Jim follows Leonard’s instructions and joins him in the backyard. The sun’s in the middle of the horizon, a cool breeze blowing every now and then and the fresh smell of peaches rich and inviting around them.

“Morning, darlin’,” Leonard smiles.

Jim leans down to peck Leonard’s lips. “Morning. How long have you been up?”

“Not long,” Leonard replies, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Where’s your mom?” Jim clearly notices her big presence.

“Across the street, Mrs. Johnson needed some advice on what to cook for dinner.”

Jim chuckles. “Nora to the rescue.”

“Sounds about right,” Leonard agrees, taking another swing at his mug.

They sit in silence for a few moments, watching the birds fly by and occasionally taking a sip from their drinks.

Jim clears his throat, breaking the silence. “You know we’re gonna have to talk about it.”

“Talk about what?”

“What happened with Kodos,” Jim says.

“Why are you insisting on bringing it up?”

“Because we have to talk about it,” Jim insists.

“Maybe now is not the right time to talk about it,” Leonard throws back.

“Oh come on Bones, there’s no _right_ time to talk about this. Those are just words you say to hide,” Jim shakes his head.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Leonard frowns.

“You’re scared to talk about it, you’re locking it up and hoping it goes away, hoping it would somehow vanish and…that you don’t have to deal with it, like it never happened,” Jim outlines.

“Yeah? And how do you know that?”

“Because I know how it feels to go through something so horrifying, something so unimaginable that it’s easier to just, lock it away, shove it down and move past it. You tell yourself you’re past it and it works, for a while, I’ll tell you that. But what you don’t know, is that it eats you up inside, without you even noticing and then it becomes too much and then it destroys you. I know that because that’s what Tarsus is for me,” Jim bites on his bottom lip.

Leonard’s eyes soften. “Jim…”

“No, Bones, you listen to me. I’m a mess, I know, and I know it’s gonna get worse, but right now…this is a moment of clarity for me and I don’t wanna waste it. They’re not the same things, what you and I went through, but you’re a doctor and you took an oath to save people, and here you are, having killed a man, you can’t tell me you’re okay. Because you’re not, and I can see it in your eyes. You know me, but I also know you.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Jim,” Leonard shrugs.

“I want you to be honest with me,” Jim simply replies. “I want you to feel it because if you don’t feel it right now, it will break you. And I will be damned if I let that happen.”

“I can’t,” Leonard says through clenched teeth.

“You can, and you will,” Jim insists.

Leonard places his mug on the table in front of him and turns his hands into fists, his fingernails digging into his skin. “You don’t understand…”

“I do understand,” Jim corrects.

And then Leonard’s on his feet in a heartbeat, his face crumbling and hands, the hands that never shake, start to tremble.

“You’re right, alright? You’re right! Is that what you wanna hear? Do you wanna hear that I broke everything I stand for and that I can’t fucking breathe? That I feel how heavy my heart is and it’s weighing me down? Yes, I’ve been trying to ignore it because it hurts less, because when I’m not thinking about it I can actually believe that I’m a good person. But then I remember and it just…”

Jim stays silent, his eyes focusing on Leonard.

“I don’t regret what I’ve done, not for on moment. I did what I had to do, but that doesn’t mean that I’m a good person. I could even say it was selfish.”

“You’re wrong,” Jim says, getting to his feet and approaches Leonard. “You survived, and sometimes you have to get your hands dirty, but you made it. And you saved me, and you saved so many people. That makes you a great man in my book.”

Leonard shakes his head. “It could have been different. He could have been tried for all his crimes, I had the chance to let him go for that to happen but…I wanted to do it,” his eyes glisten with unshed tears. “I wanted to be the one to stop him for good. I thought about everything he put you through, when you were a kid and when he took you again and I felt…hot rage. It surged through me and I didn’t stop. I thought about you and that’s why I killed him.”

“Come here,” Jim wraps his arms around Leonard and pulls him down into his body, feeling Leonard’s arms coming around him to hold at his shirt.

Leonard buries his face in Jim’s warm neck and closes his eyes, tears running down his face and wetting the younger man’s skin.

“It’s okay, Bones, let it out, you’re okay.”

“It scares me just how much I’m willing to do for you,” Leonard shudders out.

“I know, I know,” Jim waves his hand through Leonard’s thick black hair.

“And I’ll always do it, I’ll never regret it because I’m in your arms right now,” Leonard continues.

“I’m sorry I had to put you in that situation. I’m not saying this just to blame myself from the get go, but I know you Bones, and I’m truly sorry you had to go through that,” Jim swallows.

Leonard pulls away, studies Jim’s face for a few moments before he takes his face into his hands and crushes their lips together in a breathtaking kiss. It knocks the wind out of Jim’s lungs but he easily parts his lips and allows Leonard to devour him. Soon enough their sharing breath and tears and their foreheads are glued together.

They stand there, tangled together, for the longest time. Holding each other, breathing each other in, supporting each other, their hearts beating as one. It’s almost overwhelming how much they both feel, things they know, things that don’t need to be spoken. It radiates off their hearts and seeps into the other’s skin. They _know._

They’ve still got a hell of a fight ahead of them, but they’ll survive it…together.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Leonard return to California. And they're right where they belong: together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a lifetime or two, I have arrived with the final chapter! I'm sorry it took me so long, I had a block to this story in particular (no clue why) and I didn't want to rush this last chapter. It's shorter than usual, but I feel like it ends things well. Thank you all for sticking with this story and I truly hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it!

_Three Months Later_

Jim steps out of the hovercar as Leonard walks around, grabbing their bags and transferring credit to the driver. Jim stands still, surveying the tall classy apartment complex in front of them. During their stay in Georgia, Jim and Leonard had talked about what they’d do when they return to California, and decided that moving out of the Starfleet Academy dorms and settling into a more comfortable apartment was the right choice. It would be a little tight, cost wise for a few months but they’d make it work. They needed to start fresh, and this was just the right move.

“You ready, darlin’?” Leonard asks, placing a hand on Jim’s shoulder.

With a deep breath, Jim nods and together they walk forward.

Their apartment is on the thirtieth floor, one master bedroom, another smaller room, a vast living room with an open kitchen that overlooks the Academy grounds. Leonard puts their bags on the ground and takes a look around, already having some ideas about how to make this place _theirs_. He stops in front of the glass wall, his eyes trailing the green ahead, the people everywhere and he realizes that he doesn’t resent this place anymore.

He was angry when they left, he was so angry and part of him never wanted to come back. This place had almost taken Jim away from him, and in the process, he had almost lost himself, too. He wasn’t sure how he’d react to being back on campus, what horrors would arise at the back of his mind and cloud his vision. He was prepared for anything, but still three months was not enough preparation. Leonard ended up in Starfleet because he had nowhere else to go, no one else would take him, and he ended up finding Jim, someone who was just as bruised as he was, and they healed each other. He had never thought in a million years that he would be in another relationship, let alone a stable healthy relationship with the person who was in every sense of the words, the love of his life.

Leonard is snapped back to reality when he feels Jim’s arms go around his waist and the blond’s chin rests on his shoulder.

“Hey,” Jim whispers.

“Hmm,” Leonard hums, leaning back into Jim’s chest.

“You okay?”

Leonard nods. “Yeah, I was just looking at the view.”

“And?”

“I like it, I like this place. We can definitely make it our own,” Leonard says.

Jim smiles. “I was thinking the exact same thing. I already have a few ideas.”

Leonard chuckles. “Me too.”

“You know what else?”

“What, darlin’?”

Jim untangles himself from Leonard and turns the doctor’s body to face him. Jim looks up at Leonard’s face and takes a deep breath. “I can totally see us coming here on our shore leaves. We’d finish our mission, save space and come back here, come back home and it would be just the two of us for days. We’d stay in bed and watch ancient movies and hold each other. It feels so right, Bones. After everything that happened, I finally know it, in my heart, that this is exactly where I want to be, right here, with you,” Jim expresses, his eyes sparkling.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Leonard breathes out before capturing Jim’s lips, pouring everything he’s feeling into Jim.

Leonard’s hands go up to hold Jim’s face while Jim’s arms go around Leonard’s chest.

They break the kiss for air, their foreheads touching and their eyes still closed. And it’s just them in the world.

“We’re okay, Bones.”

“We’re okay, Jim.”

*****

“There’s literally nothing in the kitchen,” Jim says, walking into the master bedroom where Leonard is opening their bags. “I’m gonna go get some stuff, you want anything in specific?”

“No, I’m good. Want me to come along?”

“Nah,” Jim shakes his head. “I’ll be quick.”

“Okay, take care.”

Jim brushes his lips against Leonard’s before leaving the apartment.

It had started getting better gradually when they were in Georgia. After Leonard, too, admitted to what he was feeling and stopped bottling it up, they were both able to help each other and help themselves. Some days were bad, others were better, but the progress had been steady. The nightmares had begun to lessen, until they would happen maybe one a week and still Jim would be able to sleep after it. They both knew the nightmares wouldn’t stop completely, not for a while at least, but they were managing it.

Jim wouldn’t leave the house for the first month or so. And Leonard understood. Step by step, the younger man started walking around the house, and then around the block, and then he and Leonard had gone to the market and then finally Jim had managed to go the market and come back alone.

It wasn’t easy, not that it is now that they’re back in California, Leonard suspects that things will probably happen, too many memories and reminders, but they’ve got each other.

*****

“You nervous?” Leonard asks Jim after they’ve had dinner.

They’re sitting on the couch, Leonard’s arm around Jim’s shoulder with Jim’s resting his head in the crook of Leonard’s neck.

“I don’t know, maybe a little,” Jim replies. They start classes again in a couple days and neither one of them know exactly what to expect. “I just hope no one makes a big deal out of it.”

Leonard hums in agreement. “You know you can afford to take some more time off, you know,” he reminds Jim.

“I know, but I guess I’m just tired of sitting around and waiting. Getting away was necessary and it definitely helped, but I think it’s time to go back.”

“Just promise me one thing,” Leonard says.

“Anything.”

“If you feel like it’s too much or that you can’t handle it, you’ll take some more time. There's no shame in taking more time to heal.”

“Okay, Bones,” Jim nods.

“Okay,” Leonard tightens his grip on Jim.

“And Bones?” Jim swallows. “Thank you, for everything. I wouldn’t be here without you.”

“There’s no where else I’d rather be, Jim. I’m right here, and I’m never leaving you.”

“I can’t wait to get up there and have you by my side. There’s no one else I’d rather have by my side,” Jim confesses.

“There’s no one else I’d rather call my captain,” Leonard smiles.

“We’re gonna be a force to be reckoned with,” Jim chuckles.

Leonard kisses Jim’s forehead.

*****

True to Jim’s words, Jim Kirk and Leonard McCoy proved to be the greatest Captain and CMO in Starfleet history.

They go back to their apartment during every shore leave.

Leonard asks Jim to marry him. Jim says yes.

Together, they healed, their scars showing where they’ve been and what they’ve overcame.

Their scars showing they survived.


End file.
